Chapter 3: Gambling, Genin, and Getting Gutted by a Gaara
[Adam Yukimura POV]
The journey to Konoha was uneventful, which was a little disappointing. No rogue ninjas, no giant mutant bears, not even a particularly aggressive housecat to provide me with a new, exciting death. Just mile after mile of dusty roads and suspicious-looking trees. My basic animal instincts perk did, however, help me avoid a surprisingly cunning badger trap, so I guess it wasn't entirely useless. Still, not exactly the 'skill farming montage' I was hoping for.
Upon arriving at the gates of Konoha, I was met by two rather bored-looking Chunin. They asked for my identification, which I, as a recently transmigrated individual with a conveniently blank past, did not possess.
"Look, fellas," I said, flashing my most charming, slightly unhinged smile, "I'm a traveler. A free spirit. A wanderer of the winds. And also, I'm pretty sure I lost my ID somewhere between 'getting bisected by a demon ninja' and 'waking up in a puddle.' Long story."
The two Chunin exchanged a skeptical look. "Right. Well, 'free spirit,' you'll need to report to the Hokage's office and register as a civilian. And don't cause any trouble."
"Cause trouble? Me? Never!" I said, putting a hand over my heart. "I'm as harmless as a… well, as a very fluffy, slightly neurotic bunny. Who just happens to be immortal. But you don't need to know that last part."
They clearly didn't believe me, but they waved me through. Probably figured I was just another weirdo passing through. Little did they know, I was a very important, very soon-to-be-rich weirdo.
First order of business: Ryo. A million Ryo was a lot. Too much to earn by honest means, even if I knew how to do anything honest in this world. But I had a cheat sheet. The future. Specifically, the future of gambling.
I spent the next few days in Konoha scouting out the local gambling dens. They were grimy, smoke-filled places, reeking of stale sake and desperation. My kind of place. I started small, betting on things I knew were inconsequential – a hand of cards, a dice roll. Just to get a feel for the rhythm, the tells, the particular brand of bad luck that seemed to afflict most of the patrons.
Then, I started to target the larger, more significant events. The upcoming Chunin Exams, for example. The betting pools were enormous. Everyone had their favorites. I, on the other hand, had plot armor knowledge.
"Alright, let's see here," I muttered to myself, poring over the betting slips. "Sasuke Uchiha to be a moody edgelord? Odds are a little low. Naruto Uzumaki to accidentally unleash the Nine-Tails at an inappropriate moment? Now that's a solid bet. Rock Lee to wear a green jumpsuit that could double as a traffic cone? Practically a guaranteed payout!"
I started placing my bets. Not on the obvious winners, but on the surprising upsets, the unexpected twists, the moments that only someone with foreknowledge would ever predict. Who would win the first round of the Chunin Exams? Not who everyone thought. Who would make it to the finals? Definitely not who the bookies were expecting. Who would nearly level the entire village during the invasion? Oh, I had a special bet just for that one.
My wealth grew. Slowly at first, then exponentially. I became a regular fixture in the gambling dens, a mysterious figure who always seemed to know just the right play, always walked away with bulging money pouches, and always had a perfectly sarcastic remark for the perpetually losing patrons.
"Told you that genin with the questionable haircut wasn't going to make it," I'd say, raking in my winnings. "It's all about the eyebrow-game, people. No eyebrows, no victory."
The bookies started to eye me with suspicion. Some even tried to refuse my bets. But I was persistent. And I had a lot of money now, which tended to make people more agreeable. Eventually, I amassed a truly ridiculous sum. More than enough for the first system upgrade.
[ CURRENT RYO: 1,500,000 ][ UNIQUE DEATHS REQUIRED FOR NEXT UPGRADE: 100 ][ CURRENT UNIQUE DEATHS: 2 ]
"Okay, Ryo is handled. Now for the fun part: dying. And with the Chunin Exams about to start, I've got a whole new buffet of potential death-bringers."
I needed to find the Chunin Exams. And specifically, I needed to find a certain sand-wielding psychopath. Gaara. A prime candidate for a high-value death. Getting killed by him would surely grant me something far more useful than enhanced squirrel-detection.
The Chunin Exams began with the written portion, which I, as a civilian spectator, had no business being at. But I had my ways. A judiciously placed bribe, a strategically "lost" spectator pass, and a charmingly bewildered expression were usually enough.
I found myself in the stands, watching the hopeful genin squirm under Ibiki's menacing gaze. I spotted Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke, looking appropriately terrified. And then, there he was. Gaara, radiating an aura of barely contained homicidal intent. My target.
"Alright, Gaara, my man," I whispered to myself, "prepare to be the unwitting donor of some very cool abilities. Nothing personal, just good business."
The forest of Death, the second stage, was where I planned my move. It was a chaotic free-for-all, perfect for a civilian to "accidentally" wander into. I waited until the chaos was at its peak, then, with my best "I'm utterly lost and clearly deserve to die" expression, I meandered into Gaara's general vicinity.
He was a whirlwind of sand and fury, obliterating anyone who dared to cross his path. His eyes, rimmed with dark circles, held a chilling emptiness. Perfect. This guy meant business. And I meant to get killed by that business.
I deliberately positioned myself in his line of sight, pretending to be utterly engrossed in examining a particularly interesting leaf. He noticed me. His bloodlust, usually reserved for actual threats, seemed to flicker towards me, an insignificant civilian.
"Oh, good, he's seen me," I thought, suppressing a triumphant grin. "Now for the dramatic intervention."
As Gaara prepared to crush another unfortunate genin with his Sand Coffin, I yelled, "Hey! You! Leave that poor guy alone! He probably just wants a hug!"
Gaara paused, his head tilting slightly. The sand around him rippled. He looked at me, his gaze cold and utterly devoid of emotion. It was unnerving. This guy was seriously unhinged. Even by my standards.
"You… annoy me," he rasped, his voice a low, guttural growl.
"Oh, good! Mission accomplished!" I thought, outwardly flinching dramatically. "I'm just a civilian! A harmless, annoying civilian! You wouldn't want to hurt a civilian, would you? That would be… rude!"
He didn't bother with a reply. A wave of sand surged towards me, impossibly fast. I closed my eyes, bracing for impact. The pressure was immense, crushing, suffocating. I felt my bones groan, then shatter. Darkness.
[ YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY: GAARA (UNIQUE DEATH!) ][ SKILL ACQUIRED: MINOR SAND MANIPULATION (Active) - Basic ability to move and shape small quantities of sand. ][ DEATHS REMAINING (GAARA): 0 ]
I gasped, my eyes snapping open. I was lying in a small crater of disturbed earth, just outside the range of Gaara's active killing spree. My body was fine, of course. Not a single grain of sand on me, despite having just been compacted into a human-shaped pancake.
"Minor Sand Manipulation? Oh, this is excellent!" I exclaimed, jumping up. "Now I can build really impressive sandcastles! Or, you know, subtly inconvenience my enemies by putting sand in their shoes. The possibilities are endless!"
I dusted myself off, feeling a surge of satisfaction. Gaara was a heavy hitter. This was a good skill. And it meant I was one step closer to that magical 100 unique deaths.
The Chunin Exams continued, leading into the preliminaries. I once again found a vantage point in the spectator stands. My eyes, however, weren't on the fights so much as on another prime target: Orochimaru. The snake Sannin, disguised as a grass ninja, was lurking in the shadows, waiting for his moment to strike. And I, Adam Yukimura, was going to be his next victim. Whether he liked it or not.
I knew he would eventually attack Sasuke during the Forest of Death. That was my window. I just needed to be there. And get in the way. Again. My acting skills were going to get a serious workout this arc.
The preliminaries ended, and the third stage, the main event, was set. I was there, of course, blending in with the crowd. Orochimaru, still in his grass ninja disguise, was present. My heart, which should probably have been pounding in fear, was instead thrumming with anticipation. This was it. Another big fish.
The invasion began with a thunderous roar. Konoha was under attack. Chaos erupted. Panic spread. And I, being the perfectly opportunistic individual I was, saw this as nothing but a giant, multi-course meal of skill acquisition.
Orochimaru made his move, engaging the Third Hokage. The battle was epic, devastating, and frankly, a little too close for comfort for my 'accidental victim' strategy. But I had to take the shot.
I waited for a lull, a moment of distraction. When Orochimaru used his Summoning: Reanimation Jutsu to bring back the First and Second Hokage, that was my cue. Amidst the swirling dust and crackling chakra, I "tripped" into the path of one of Orochimaru's more… tentacle-based attacks. It was gross. It was slimy. And it was exactly what I needed.
My vision faded, feeling a strange, constricting sensation.
[ YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY: OROCHIMARU (UNIQUE DEATH!) ][ SKILL ACQUIRED: BASIC BODY SHEDDING TECHNIQUE (Active) - The ability to shed a layer of skin to escape from minor restraints or superficial damage. ][ DEATHS REMAINING (OROCHIMARU): 0 ]
I reappeared a few feet away, coughing and sputtering. "Ugh, that was disgusting! Seriously, I'm going to need a shower. And possibly therapy. 'Basic Body Shedding'? So now I can escape from a really tight sweater? Or maybe impress people at parties by suddenly shedding my epidermis?"
Still, it was an Orochimaru skill. Not bad at all. And it brought me closer to that elusive 100 unique deaths.
The invasion continued, but I wisely decided to make myself scarce. No need to push my luck. I had two very valuable deaths under my belt from this arc. Gaara and Orochimaru. Progress!
Now, for the final piece of the puzzle. The big announcement. The declaration. The moment that would set the stage for my pursuit of the legendary Sannin, Tsunade Senju. I needed an audience. A large, bewildered audience.
I found Naruto and Jiraiya after the invasion, mourning the Third Hokage. Perfect. This was my opening.
I strode confidently towards them, a wide, slightly manic grin plastered on my face. "Naruto! Jiraiya! My main men! I've had an epiphany! A revelation! A sudden, undeniable surge of purpose!"
Naruto looked at me, his eyes red-rimmed and confused. "Uh… who are you, exactly?"
"Oh, just a friendly civilian who occasionally dies and then gets better!" I chirped. "But that's not important right now! What is important is that I have found my life's calling! My raison d'être! My ultimate goal!"
Jiraiya, ever the pervert, perked up at the mention of "ultimate goal." "Oh? Do tell, young man. Is it the pursuit of knowledge? The path of the ninja? Or perhaps… the pursuit of beautiful women?" He winked.
"Bingo!" I declared, pointing dramatically at him. "Though, more specifically, one woman! The most beautiful, the most powerful, the most terrifying woman in the entire Elemental Nations! The legendary Sannin, Tsunade Senju!"
Naruto's jaw dropped. Jiraiya's eyes widened. "Tsunade?" Jiraiya spluttered, clearly amused. "You mean… that Tsunade?"
"The one and only!" I affirmed, puffing out my chest. "And I'm going to marry her! Mark my words! I'm going to find her, I'm going to woo her, and I'm going to make her my wife! She's probably going to try and kill me, but that's just her way of saying 'I love you' in advance!"
Naruto looked utterly bewildered. "But… why?"
"Because, Naruto, she's perfect! Strong, beautiful, and probably has a massive gambling problem, which I, as a newly minted millionaire, can totally help her with!" I winked. "Plus, think of the future legendary couple name: Tsunade and… Adam. It just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?"
Jiraiya burst out laughing, a deep, booming laugh that echoed through the grieving village. "Hahaha! You've got guts, kid! Or you're completely insane! Either way, I like you! Tsunade will probably break every bone in your body, but you know what? Go for it! A man's got to have a dream!"
"Exactly!" I beamed. "So, if you happen to know where my future wife is currently residing, a little heads-up would be greatly appreciated. I've got a ring to buy, and a whole lot more dying to do!"
Naruto just stared at me, then at Jiraiya, then back at me. He still looked confused, but a small, tentative smile was starting to form on his face.
"He's… weird," Naruto mumbled to Jiraiya.
"The best ones usually are, kid," Jiraiya chuckled, still wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. "The best ones usually are."
And with that, my fate was sealed. My ultimate goal declared. Tsunade Senju. Prepare yourself. Your future husband is coming. And he's bringing a lot of sarcastic one-liners and an uncanny ability to regenerate after being punched through a wall.