Chapter 2: The Art of the Grand Heist and the Inaugural Death by Clown
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: NEW ADVENTURE PATH INITIATED. NEXT TARGET: ORANGE TOWN. RECOMMENDED ACTION: ACQUIRE BOUNTY. ACQUISITION: CHOP-CHOP FRUIT.]
"Orange Town, huh? That means Buggy the Clown. And Nami. Oh, this is going to be good. Or terrible. Probably both, knowing my luck. But if there's one thing I excel at, it's making terrible situations even worse. With style, of course."
After the glorious, if slightly unconventional, recruitment drive in Shells Town, where I officially became the Straw Hats' first mate (mostly because I declared it and Luffy was too distracted by the concept of someone being "rubber too" to argue), things settled into a bizarre rhythm. Luffy was, well, Luffy. Zoro was a sentient napping machine with a penchant for getting lost. And I? I was the new kid on the block, the one who could stretch, bounce, and generally freak people out by pretending to die.
"So, you're telling me," Zoro grumbled, stirring from a nap on the deck of the Going Merry, his solitary eye crackling with suspicion, "you just… died? And then came back? With his power?" He gestured vaguely at Luffy, who was currently trying to eat his own foot, convinced it was a giant piece of meat.
"Pretty much, Roronoa," I replied, stretching my arm to snag a piece of dried meat from Luffy's discarded rations, much to his indignant squawk. "Think of it as a really elaborate, very painful magic trick. Ta-da! Now I can stretch. It's great for reaching things on high shelves. Or, you know, punching bad guys. Whatever floats your boat."
"Punching bad guys?" Zoro scoffed. "You still haven't even picked up a sword."
"Give me time, grumpy pants," I said, taking a bite of the meat. "I'm still getting used to the whole 'not dying permanently' thing. It's a real confidence booster, let me tell you. Plus, I need to diversify my skill set. Can't put all my eggs in one rubbery basket, can I?"
Our first real destination was Orange Town, and as we sailed, my compass, my ever-present harbinger of chaos, pointed with unwavering certainty towards the island. It wasn't pointing to treasure, or adventure, or even a good place to grab a snack. It was pointing directly at a giant, clown-nosed pirate flag.
"Alright, Buggy. Prepare to be thoroughly annoyed. And possibly robbed blind. It's nothing personal, really. Just professional development. And a desperate need for Beri. My system has expensive tastes, apparently. Like, 'buy a small country' expensive."
As we approached Orange Town, the familiar, ramshackle buildings came into view. And with them, the sight of a beautiful, fiery-haired woman. Nami. My future nemesis. Or, more accurately, my future financial manager who would despise my methods but grudgingly appreciate the results.
"Alright, crew," I announced, leaning against the mast, "looks like we've hit the jackpot. Or, you know, the clownpot. Whatever. This place is probably brimming with unsuspecting gold, just waiting to be 'relocated' to a more deserving owner. Namely, me."
Nami, who had been meticulously mapping the incoming currents, spun around, her eyes narrowing. "Gold? What gold? And what do you mean 'relocated'?"
"Oh, just a little re-distribution of wealth, Nami-swan," I said, giving her a charming (or so I thought) smile. Sanji, if he were here, would probably have kicked me already. "Think of me as a philanthropic venture capitalist. I find neglected assets, and I… liberate them. For the good of the crew, of course."
Nami's face was a masterpiece of barely contained fury. "You wouldn't dare! That's my gold! I find it!"
"Relax, princess," I said, waving a dismissive hand. "There's enough plunder for everyone. Besides, I have a special talent. A knack for finding things. And by 'things,' I mean 'massive piles of cold, hard cash.'" This was where the Storage Ring came in. Subtle, unassuming, and utterly perfect for a career in professional thievery.
The ship docked, and as soon as our feet hit the shore, the chaos began. Luffy, predictably, made a beeline for the first person he saw, demanding to know where the meat was. Zoro, predictably, wandered off in the opposite direction, probably towards an impending nap. And Nami, predictably, started sniffing out any and all potential treasure.
I, however, had a different agenda. My compass was practically humming, directing me with laser-like precision towards Buggy's circus-themed base. And more importantly, to his treasure hoard.
"Alright, Storage Ring," I whispered, giving the plain silver band on my finger a tap, "time to earn your keep. Let's go liberate some shiny things."
Navigating Buggy's base was surprisingly easy. The man was more obsessed with his grand pronouncements and flashy entrances than actual security. I slipped past his incredibly incompetent crew members, who were mostly just arguing about who got to polish Buggy's giant nose. The compass led me straight to the main tent, and then, down into a surprisingly deep, surprisingly unprotected underground vault.
"Seriously? This is it? A wooden door and a single, bored-looking guard who's currently trying to teach a trained lion to juggle? Buggy, you're making this too easy. It's almost insulting. Almost."
I dealt with the guard (a simple rubber-punch to the face, nothing too strenuous) and then, with a flourish, flung open the vault door. And there it was. Piles of Beri, gold, jewels, and various other trinkets. It was a pirate's dream. Or, in my case, a system upgrade's dream.
"Oh, you beautiful, beautiful mounds of ill-gotten gains," I murmured, practically drooling. "You're going to fund so many strategic deaths. And maybe, just maybe, a really nice hat for Robin. After she's my wife, of course."
I activated the Storage Ring. It pulsed with a faint, ethereal glow, and then, with an almost imperceptible whoosh, the treasure began to vanish. Piles of gold coins blinked out of existence. Chests full of jewels simply… weren't there anymore. I worked quickly, efficiently, scooping up everything that wasn't bolted down. In minutes, the vault was practically empty, save for a few stray dust bunnies and a surprisingly resilient spider.
"Alright," I said, patting my pockets, which felt no heavier despite holding enough wealth to buy a small island. "Operation: Financial Freedom, Phase One, complete. Now, for the main event."
My compass, satisfied with my thieving prowess, now pointed directly at the commotion outside. Buggy. And the Straw Hats. Perfect.
I sauntered back out, whistling a cheerful tune. The fight was in full swing. Luffy was doing his rubbery thing, Zoro was inexplicably lost in the middle of a crowd of Buggy's cronies, and Nami was… well, Nami was looking furious. Probably because she hadn't found any treasure yet.
"Ah, Nami-swan!" I called out, waving cheerfully. "Looks like you missed the party! Don't worry, I saved you some of the… good stuff." I winked, a mischievous glint in my eye.
Nami's head snapped towards me. Her eyes, already narrowed, practically became slits when she noticed my unburdened demeanor. Then, she saw the empty vault door. And then, she screamed.
"YOU! YOU STOLE MY TREASURE! I WAS GOING TO GET THAT! YOU FILTHY, LOOTING, SYSTEM-UPGRADING THIEF!"
"Ah, the sweet sound of Nami's rage. It's like music to my ears. Mostly because it means I'm doing my job right. And by 'job,' I mean 'making her life a living hell while simultaneously funding our adventures.' It's a delicate balance."
The commotion attracted Buggy's attention. He was currently in pieces, flying around, making a general nuisance of himself. His nose, however, was still very much attached to his face and quivering with indignation.
"Who dares steal from Captain Buggy?!" he shrieked, his voice oddly high-pitched.
"Oh, that would be me, Captain Clown-Nose," I said, taking a dramatic bow. "And I must say, your security is… well, it's certainly a choice. A bad choice, but a choice nonetheless."
Buggy's various body parts coalesced, his face contorting into a mask of pure, unadulterated fury. "You… you stole my treasure! My hard-earned Beri! I'll chop you into a thousand pieces!"
"Oh, really?" I asked, a challenging smirk on my face. "Because I'm pretty sure you're incapable of chopping me into a thousand pieces. I'm rubber, remember? It just bounces back. Though, if you want to try, be my guest. I'm always open to new experiences. Especially if they involve acquiring your powers."
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: KILLER DETECTED. BUGGY. RECOMMENDED ACTION: ENGINEER DEATH. ACQUISITION: CHOP-CHOP FRUIT.]
Buggy roared, his hands detaching and flying towards me, followed by his feet, and then his entire torso. He was a whirlwind of dismembered limbs, each one aiming for a different part of my body. Luffy watched, bewildered but entertained. Nami, meanwhile, was still too angry about the stolen loot to fully process what was happening.
"Chop-Chop Festival!" Buggy shrieked, his hands slashing through the air.
"Alright, Buggy boy," I said, not even bothering to dodge. "Let's see what you got. Just try not to get too attached to your, you know, everything."
His hands, sharp as blades, sliced through my rubbery form. I felt… nothing. No pain. Just a brief, dull pressure as his detached limbs passed through my body.
"What?! Impossible!" Buggy screeched, his nose twitching violently. "You're supposed to be chopped up! Why aren't you chopped up?!"
"Because I'm rubber, you nitwit!" I yelled back, feigning frustration. "You can't cut rubber! Didn't you learn anything in clown college? You need blunt force! Like, say, a giant cannonball to the face!" I stretched out an arm, wrapped it around his coalesced body, and pulled him in close. "Now, if you really want to kill me, you're going to have to get creative. Or, you know, find a really big hammer."
This, apparently, was the wrong thing to say. Buggy's rage reached a fever pitch. He shrieked, his detached body parts converging into a furious, multi-limbed tornado. "You dare mock Captain Buggy?! I'll show you creativity! Chop-Chop… Grand Festival!"
He lunged, his entire body rotating at an impossible speed, a blur of limbs and a furious, red nose. This time, instead of simply passing through, I felt a sharp, intense pressure. Not pain, but a sudden, violent displacement. My vision blurred. The world spun. And then, again, darkness.
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: DEATH RECORDED. KILLER: BUGGY. ABILITY ACQUIRED: CHOP-CHOP FRUIT. REVIVAL INITIATING. PLEASE WAIT.]
"Bingo. Chop-Chop Fruit. Perfect. Now I can be immune to sharp things AND stretch. I'm practically invincible. Or, you know, just really annoying to fight. Either way, win-win."
I opened my eyes to the chaotic scene. Buggy was still mid-rant, his body parts still spinning. Luffy was still watching with wide-eyed amusement. Nami was still fuming. And I was lying on the ground, seemingly untouched.
I slowly sat up, then, with a mischievous grin, detached my own hand and waved it at Buggy. "Boo!"
Buggy froze. His spinning body parts halted. His eyes, already bulging, seemed to pop out even further. "You… you can… you can chop yourself?!"
"Well, look at that!" I exclaimed, reattaching my hand with a satisfying thwack. "Turns out, you gave me a pretty neat parting gift, Buggy boy. Now I can be a human jigsaw puzzle. Wanna play?"
Buggy, for the first time, looked genuinely terrified. He stammered, his nose turning a shade of purple usually reserved for bruised plums. "Th-that's impossible! Two Devil Fruits! And… and you just… revived!"
Luffy, naturally, was even more fascinated. "He's amazing! He's rubber AND he can chop himself!"
Nami, however, was still focused on the main issue. "I don't care what weird powers he has! He stole all the treasure!" She stomped over to me, her finger practically touching my nose. "You are going to give that back, Adam D. Vane, or I swear to all that is holy, I will chop you into a thousand pieces!"
I just chuckled, a truly evil, mischievous sound. "About that, Nami-swan… it's all safely stored. For the crew, of course. For our adventures. And for my very expensive system upgrades. Don't worry, you'll see it again. Probably. Eventually. Maybe."
Her face went from fury to sheer, unadulterated despair. "You monster!"
"Just doing my part, Captain Thief," I said with a shrug, then turned to Luffy. "Alright, Straw Hat. Now that I've officially acquired some new party tricks, what's next? More clowns? Or perhaps a nice, quiet island where I can try to find some more money?"
Luffy, already bored with Buggy's terror, was off, pulling Coby along. "Let's go find Zoro! And then get some meat!"
"Always with the meat," I muttered, shaking my head. But a smile tugged at my lips. This was it. This was the adventure. And it had only just begun. The universe was my oyster, and I was going to collect all the pearls, even if it meant dying a thousand hilarious, painful deaths in the process.