Chapter 37: Asgardian Antics
News of the Mad Titan's relentless advance, coupled with the Nova Corps's humiliating "rainbow incident," had finally reached the golden spires of Asgard. Thor, having witnessed Adam's unique brand of chaos firsthand, returned to Earth with a grim warning: Odin was concerned. And he requested the presence of Earth's mightiest heroes, particularly the one who could make entire fleets dance.
' Asgard. The realm of gods, ancient prophecies, and apparently, a distinct lack of humor. This is going to be a challenge. I mean, how do you prank a literal god? Do they have a cosmic equivalent of a whoopee cushion? Probably not. But I bet their golden bridge could use a little… artistic flair. And a new theme song. '
[ ROBOTIC S.T.I.E.L.S. MESSAGE: Mission parameters updated: Diplomatic engagement with Asgardian monarchy. Objective: Secure intelligence on Infinity Stone locations. Secondary objective: Enhance inter-realm relations via cultural exchange. Probability of success: Low. Probability of cultural misunderstanding: High. ]
Adam, accompanied by Thor, Tony, and Wanda (whose powers were growing, making her a valuable asset), prepared for their journey to Asgard. Tony was skeptical. "You sure this isn't just Thor wanting to show off his shiny new home? And why is Stiels coming? Is he going to try and turn Odin into a giant inflatable rubber duck?"
"My methods are refined, Tony," Adam sniffed. "And Asgard needs a dose of reality. Or, at least, a dose of my reality. Besides, their Bifrost bridge could use a makeover. It's a bit… monochrome."
The journey through the Bifrost was a dizzying, kaleidoscopic tunnel of light and energy. Adam felt a strange resonance, a subtle hum against his Mental Fortress. When they emerged, they stood on the shimmering expanse of the Rainbow Bridge, leading to the golden city of Asgard. It was breathtaking, imposing, and utterly devoid of anything resembling a sense of fun.
Heimdall, the stoic, all-seeing guardian, stood at the far end of the bridge, his golden eyes fixed on them. He looked… tired. And slightly bewildered.
"Welcome, Son of Odin," Heimdall's booming voice echoed across the bridge. His gaze then fell on Adam. "And you, Midgardian. Your… unique influence has been noted. Across the Nine Realms. The Kree warlord has not stopped humming that peculiar Earth melody."
' Heimdall heard the Rickroll! Yes! My reputation precedes me! This is fantastic! '
Their first meeting with Odin, the All-Father, was as formal and intimidating as expected. Odin, seated on his throne, eye-patched and regal, spoke of ancient prophecies and the encroaching darkness. Adam found it all a bit too serious.
During a break in the formalities, while exploring the opulent Asgardian palace, Adam found his target: the Rainbow Bridge itself. It was a marvel of cosmic engineering, but so… serious.
"P.A.N.D.O.R.A.," Adam whispered to his pocket AI, "Operation: Bifrost Boogie. Objective: Enhance aesthetic appeal and introduce a new, more… spirited, theme song. Primary target: The bridge. Secondary target: Heimdall's sanity."
"Affirmative," P.A.N.D.O.R.A. chirped. "Calculating optimal energy signature for color alteration and auditory transmission. Probability of Asgardian outrage: 99.8%."
Adam activated his Go-Away Green, but with a twist. Instead of just green, he focused his intent, using his Structural Grasp to manipulate the energy frequencies within the bridge's light-construct. The shimmering, rainbow hues of the Bifrost began to shift. The vibrant colors twisted, morphed, and then solidified into a garish, eye-searing pattern of neon pink, electric blue, and lime green polka dots. The bridge, once a majestic arch, now looked like a cosmic bowling alley.
Suddenly, from the very air around the bridge, a jaunty, unmistakable tune began to play: "Yakety Sax" (the Benny Hill theme). It was subtle at first, a faint, almost subliminal hum, then it grew louder, echoing across the golden city.
Heimdall, still standing sentinel, visibly stiffened. His golden eyes widened. He looked at the polka-dotted bridge, then at the sky, then at his own hands, as if checking for a hidden speaker. A low growl rumbled in his chest.
"What… what is this blasphemy?!" Heimdall boomed, his voice laced with utter disbelief and profound annoyance. "The Bifrost… it is… taunting me! And the colors! My eyes! They burn!"
Adam, watching from a palace window, doubled over with silent laughter. Tony, who had just walked past the window, saw the psychedelic bridge and Heimdall's furious reaction. He turned to Adam, his jaw slack.
"Stiels! You didn't! You actually turned the Rainbow Bridge into a… a disco nightmare?!" Tony shrieked.
"Artistic expression, Tony! Very important for cultural exchange!" Adam insisted, wiping a tear of mirth from his eye. "Besides, it needed more personality. And a theme song. 'Yakety Sax' just seemed appropriate. For the sheer amount of running around they do."
[ ROBOTIC S.T.I.E.L.S. MESSAGE: Cultural exchange effectiveness: 99.7%. Asgardian emotional distress index: 87.5%. CEP gained: 200. Current Blood Meter progression: 35.00%. Non-lethal enemy neutralizations: 4. Remaining for upgrade: 1. ]
' One more non-lethal neutralization, and I can upgrade my Blood Meter! This is great! Maybe I can make a giant, inflatable rubber chicken appear in Odin's throne room. That would definitely count. '
The Asgardians, initially outraged, were utterly bewildered. Their ancient, stoic realm had been subjected to an inexplicable, musical, psychedelic assault. Odin, upon hearing of the "Bifrost Blight," merely sighed, a deep, weary sound. "The Midgardian's influence… it is indeed… unique. And profoundly irritating."
During a later, more private conversation, Thor approached Adam. "Midgardian, my father is… vexed. But he acknowledges your… unconventional prowess. He believes your methods, though baffling, may prove… useful against the Mad Titan."
"See? I told you, Thor. My chaos is a strategic asset," Adam boasted. "Now, about that theme song for the Bifrost. I was thinking something with more cowbell. Or perhaps a rap battle between Odin and Heimdall."
The Asgardians, despite the indignity, were forced to acknowledge Adam's strange power. He had secured their attention, and their intel. Odin, perhaps seeing a reflection of Loki's trickster spirit (but with a much more benevolent, if annoying, intent), grudgingly shared ancient prophecies and knowledge of the Infinity Stones, including a vague understanding of the Reality Stone's current location. Adam had left his mark on Asgard, not with a hammer, but with a truly unforgettable, polka-dotted, sax-infused bridge.
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