He jumped into the water and tried doing the front crawl like a human—
forgetting he was now a honey badger.
He began to sink.
Water rushed into his nose.
Wait—do honey badgers even know how to swim?
He didn't have time to figure it out.
He thrashed. Paddled. Spun in a tight circle.
Bloop! Down he went, paws flailing like a panicked toddler dropped in the deep end.
"Help! Mi cyaaan swim to rass!" he tried to scream.
But all that came out was a series of hissing and bubbling snorts.
For a split second, he caught his reflection in the rippling surface—
beady eyes, soaked fur, stubby limbs.
A drowned rat? No.
A pissed-off, near-drowning honey badger.
He kicked with all his strength.
One claw found a root, then another.
With a final desperate pull, he exploded out of the water like a furry torpedo,
Landed belly-first on the muddy bank—
and wheezed.
"...Mi just get reincarnated an' mi almost dead again? Is what kinda madness dis?" he muttered, coughing.
He flopped onto his back, gasping.
The moon glared down like it was judging him just as hard.
"Yow God… no, Satan—count yuh days, inuh! Look weh yuh turn mi into, man. Mi look like a wet rat!" the honey badger growled.
Then—snap.
A twig.
His ears perked.
His soaked fur bristled.
And that's when he heard it—
a growl.
Not his own.
Something out there… wanted dinner.
And he was the only meat on the menu.
He didn't move.
Didn't breathe.
Didn't even blink.
The growl came again—low, sharp, and way too close.
He slowly turned his head toward the sound…
and froze.
Slitted amber eyes.
Pointed snout.
A bushy tail twitching with excitement.
A fox.
But not just any fox—this one looked like it had been carved out of lean muscle and starvation.
Its reddish coat glistened under the moonlight.
Its body was long—28 inches of sleek, hungry predator.
And every inch of it was focused on him.
"Mi cyaan believe dis… after all mi been through, a oversized dog-fox want mek mi it last meal?"
The honey badger tried to puff up his wet fur, standing tall.
But all he managed was a tired wobble and a weak hiss.
The fox licked its lips and took a step forward.
Slow. Silent. Deadly.
"Easy now, mi bredrin," he said, backing away, claws slipping in the mud.
"Mi just arrive. Mi nuh even settle yet. Mi never even eat mi first chicken yet!"
The fox crept closer.
"Wait, wait, wait… maybe we can talk 'bout this, yuh see me? Maybe mi give yuh a motivational speech 'bout eating fruit instead?"
The fox growled again, crouching.
Then it lunged.
"YAAAH! Satan, stop send yuh minions after mi!"
The honey badger reached for his back—
but what should've been there… wasn't.
He rolled to the side just in time.
Sharp teeth snapped where his face had been.
He scrambled to his feet, spun, and ran.
"Bloodclaat! Satan, yuh couldn't even give mi mi gun?!" the honey badger cried out in panic.
Branches slapped his face.
His paws slipped on wet leaves.
The fox stayed behind him—fast, light, too fast.
"Mi nuh sign up fi dis cardio!" he wheezed.
He darted under a log, slid through the mud, then took a sharp turn around a rock.
But the fox was smart. Sly. Silent.
It was flanking him.
He could hear its paws now—light, quick, relentless.
Then—up ahead—a steep hill.
"Mi sorry, to bloodclaat! Just nuh kill mi, please! Mi don't taste good!" he shouted, and launched himself straight down.
He tumbled. Bounced.
Hit every bump like a cursed coconut.
And then—SPLAT!
He landed face-first in something warm and squishy.
He groaned.
Opened one eye.
Shit.
Massive, steaming dung.
Something big had passed through here.
And whatever it was… might still be close.
"Mi haffi be cursed. No sah… is what kinda Animal Planet nightmare dis?!"
Suddenly—CHOMP.
A sharp pain shot through his lower half.
"BLOODCLAAT! Mi tail?! PUSSYOLE! Mi a guh BITE YUH BACK!" he roared, fur bristling, eyes flashing with fury.
He twisted hard—WHAP!—his claws tearing trenches in the dirt as he spun on the spot.
Behind him, jaws locked around his tail, the fox clung on like a beast possessed—growling low and vicious.
Her eyes glinted like two burning coals.
Her grip tightened.
"RAAAGH!"
"YUH BITE MI TAIL?! YUH MAD?! AWH RIGHT—DIE!"
He lunged backward with a roar and CHOMP!—his fangs sank deep into her tail base.
SQUELCH!
Blood sprayed across his muzzle.
The fox shrieked—a high, sharp, feminine yelp.
"Eh? Wait... is a gyal fox?"
His jaw still clamped on her tail.
"Too late fi mercy now, mi girl. War start already!"
The fox snapped her body, trying to flip him off.
WHUMP! THUMP! SNAP!
She slammed him into a log—once, twice.
But he held on like a demon tick, teeth buried deep.
"RRAAAAHHHH!!"
He flipped forward, grabbed her side with his claws—SCRRRAATCH!!
Blood gushed.
She yelped again, this time with pain.
She whipped around and SLASHED!
Claws tore across his face—
SHHKKT!!
Three lines of red split open.
Blood dripped instantly.
"YUH CUT MI FACE?! YUH CUT MI FACE?! ME?! YUH DONE WAKE DI BADNESS!"
He tackled her.
BOOM!
They hit the ground, rolling like tornados—claws flying, teeth snapping.
SNARL! YELP! CRACK!
Dirt. Fur. Blood. Mud. All mashed together.
He clamped onto her throat—CHOMP!—but not deep enough to kill.
She kicked him in the gut—OOUF!
He gasped.
She rolled on top, biting his foreleg—CRUNCH!
He screamed in rage.
"AHHHH! PUSSYOLE! GET OFFA MI!"
He used his hind claws—SLASH! SLASH! SLASH!
She squealed, let go.
He headbutted her—CRACK!
She staggered back, dazed.
He didn't wait.
Pounced.
Drove his shoulder into her ribs—WHUDD!
She hit a tree trunk—THOK!
Fell to the ground hard.
They were both soaked in blood now.
Breathing like monsters.
Foam at the mouth.
Fur torn open in patches.
Muscle showing.
Mud and guts everywhere.
She tried to crawl away.
Dragging one limp leg.
Wheezing.
Bleeding.
He limped after her, one ear pierced from a bite, side slashed, face leaking red.
"Yuh done yet?! Yuh done now?!" he snarled, standing over her.
She bared her fangs, but couldn't even lift her head.
He raised his paw—
Claws shaking—
Paused.
She didn't move.
Just looked at him with tired, broken eyes.
Tch… He spat blood beside her head.
"Mi coulda end yuh right now. But mi nah kill nuh gyal. Even if yuh try kill me first."
He stepped back, breathing hard.
Looked at the wounds.
At her leg.
"Yuh damn savage... but mi respect it."
He stumbled into the bush, found some leaves, bitter bark, a thick vine.
Chewed it up.
Puked out a bloody herbal mush.
Pressed it into her wounds—SQUISH!
She winced.
Whimpered.
"Yeah, yuh feel dat? Good. Mean yuh still alive."
He wrapped her leg tight with the vine.
Used his claws to brace it with bark.
Then he lay beside her, shaking.
Chest heaving.
Blood drying like red war paint.
"Mi save yuh life, fox gyal. Yuh owe mi. Big time."
He closed his eye.
The jungle creaked and groaned around them.
And slowly…
The two beasts passed out in their own blood.