Yuji was not expecting company. Especially not in the form of a six-foot-something war-grade alpha with a coffee cup.
He was in sweatpants. The ones with the questionable ramen stain on the thigh.
The doorbell chimed like a classy hotel. Yuji peeked through the security camera feed.
Nikolai Dragunov.
Wearing sunglasses indoors.
Holding two takeaway coffee cups.
Yuji opened the door slowly.
"...Please tell me you brought breakfast."
Nikolai handed him the coffee without a word and let himself in like he owned the place.
Yuji blinked. "You're really bad at pretending to be normal."
"I'm not pretending."
"Of course not. Why are you here?"
Nikolai settled onto the couch, suit crisp, hair perfectly in place, like he hadn't just broken every unspoken rule of omega living spaces.
"I wanted to have a conversation."
"At 9 a.m. On a Saturday. Without notice."
Nikolai removed his sunglasses. "You've read the contract. You agreed to the terms. But I believe it's important to establish... rhythm."
"Rhythm."
"Bonding," he added flatly.
Yuji stared at him, then at the coffee. It was his usual order.
How did he even know that?
Yuji sat down cautiously across from him.
"This isn't a date."
"No. But if it were, it would be a success."
"Bro, you brought coffee. That's, like, one point. You lose five for not knocking."
Nikolai sipped his own cup without blinking. "I was invited."
Yuji tilted his head. "By who?"
"You signed the contract. This property is now under joint residence status."
Yuji choked. "I have to read the fine print again."
"I had a clause inserted."
"Of course you did."
___
They sat in awkward silence for a while.
Yuji scrolled through his tablet. Nikolai scrolled through something on his retina interface.
It was weirdly domestic.
Too quiet.
The strange thing was, despite technically living under the same roof, they barely saw each other. The condo was huge—easily big enough for both of them to go days without crossing paths if they wanted. And apparently, they often did. Yuji lived mostly in his creative cave, while Nikolai treated the place like a hotel suite between top-secret briefings.
Yuji cleared his throat.
"You're seriously not going to do anything? No alpha posturing?"
Nikolai didn't even look up. "Do you want me to?"
"No! I'm just—surprised."
"I have restraint."
Yuji sipped his coffee. "You sure you're not a robot?"
Nikolai turned to him then. "Would you prefer that?"
Yuji blinked. "Okay. That was almost a joke."
"You're adapting."
"To you? No. To this freaky house, to the fridge, maybe."
___
After a while, the conversation took a more awkward turn.
"So," Nikolai began, tone unreadable, "will we be sharing a room starting next week?"
Yuji almost spit out his coffee. "Sharing a—what? No. We're not married. We're not even dating."
"You agreed to produce an heir. Logically, physical proximity is necessary."
Yuji raised an eyebrow. "Logical for you maybe. I don't even know how this body works yet. I didn't grow up omega, okay? I still don't even know when I'm supposed to go into heat."
Nikolai tilted his head. "You've never had one?"
Yuji shrugged, uncomfortable. "Not once. I might be broken. Or maybe this whole omegaverse setting just forgot to install the update on me."
There was a beat of silence.
"Then we wait," Nikolai said.
"Wait for what? You trying to climb in bed with me on a random Tuesday?"
"Only if that's your preference."
Yuji pointed dramatically. "That's not how consent works!"
Nikolai raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't implying—"
"Okay, look." Yuji stood, pacing now. "We're not doing anything until I'm ready. Like... properly ready."
"And how will we know when that is?"
Yuji paused. "Probably when I'm actually in heat. Which, again, hasn't happened. But if it does... that's when we'll talk."
"Strategic."
"Survival."
"Understood."
Yuji plopped back onto the couch, cheeks a bit red. "Besides, technically I'm straight. This entire situation is already bending my personal rules. You think I imagined my first time with an alpha CEO who makes babies for political succession?"
Nikolai blinked slowly. "You are remarkably blunt."
"You don't know the half of it. I'm sacrificing my dignity and... other things. For that contract."
"Your... other things?"
Yuji pointed downward.
"My butt, Nico. My. Butt."
There was a pause.
Then, without warning, Yuji grinned and added, "Anyway, I think I'm gonna call you Nico."
Nikolai looked up sharply. "Nico?"
"Yeah. Nikolai sounds like a guy who invades nations. Nico sounds like a cat who knocks things off tables."
"I am not a cat."
"You did barge into my place without knocking and then stared silently from the couch. Very cat behavior."
Nikolai blinked. "This is highly irregular."
Yuji leaned back, smug. "What, you don't like it, Nico?"
A brief twitch at the corner of Nikolai's mouth.
"You are... different from most omegas."
"You keep saying that like it's a compliment."
"It is."
"That's too cliche."
Yuji narrowed his eyes. "By the way, you really have a weird way of flirting, Nico."
"That wasn't flirting."
"Even worse."
___
Nikolai eventually stood.
"I'll return tomorrow. I'll bring tea."
Yuji opened his mouth to protest, but stopped.
Tomorrow?
Did they have a schedule now?
He watched the man leave like a storm in reverse—everything controlled, nothing touched.
Yuji looked down at the empty coffee cup.
This is the weirdest fake dating experience I never signed up for.
He glanced at the fridge.
"Don't get jealous, fridge-chan. He brought coffee. You brought... sustenance. That counts too, right?"
The fridge, of course, said nothing.
Yuji sighed. "I'm officially losing it."