My name's Kirigaya Kazuto. Right now, I'm already a college student. In the original canon, SAO was supposed to launch when Kirito was sixteen, but this site's a pain in the ass.
They suddenly went all religious and slapped on these bullshit rules that any character under eighteen having sex is forbidden.
Of course, the real issue that the author of this story didn't use his main account or he just gave a giant middle finger to the rules, writing whatever fucked-up ideas he had in his head.
Unfortunately, he's stuck using this shit-tier account with no follower base.
Yeah, my life is fucking boring. Once I'm done with my college classes, I go straight home, lock myself up in my room, and play MMOs.
Most of the time, I cheat and exploit bugs in the game without reporting them to the admins.
Those assholes are so fucking annoying anyway, always abusing their power and randomly banning players who don't vibe with them or kiss their asses.
Every time I start playing, I'm always on the hunt for a new server or a newly launched game.
Being one of the first players to dominate the game feels way better than joining late and getting bossed around by some prick who thinks he's hot shit just because he started earlier.
Half of those fuckers only get that far because they've been grinding since day one, not because they're actually better than me.
When I'm done with gaming, I usually practice kendo. My grandfather never stops nagging me about becoming a kendo champion.
Unfortunately, my body doesn't really match those high expectations. Fortunately, though, I'm pretty talented with a sword and could be considered a genius in that area, even if I'm not physically built like a pro fighter.
But honestly, compared to my skill in kendo, I value my hacking abilities way more. Thanks to hacking, I don't have to worry about money or my future. I can bend the rules when I need to and make shit happen for myself.
As awesome as I am in games and the virtual world, my real life sucks.
Seriously, it fucking sucks.
My love life is non-existent, and I don't even have real friends out there. I've got plenty of fake friends, but that's it.
As much as I genuinely want to blend into society like a normal person, the modern world is pure ass. It's full of pieces of shit bragging about their girlfriends, their flashy lives, or how fucking rich and awesome they supposedly are.
Just listening to that crap makes me want to puke, so I gave up on trying to be a normie.
Even though I have no life, at least I've got my cute sister.
Well… she's actually my cousin, not my real sister, but fuck it, she's the only bright spot in my life.
She's also the only girl whose hand I've ever held.
I thought this was gonna be my life, the kind of life where I'd end up an eternal virgin, having no real life and being a hopeless internet addict stuck in my room forever.
But everything changed the moment Akihiko Kayaba announced that he had created the first VRMMORPG called Sword Art Online, and somehow I got picked as one of the beta testers.
I guess even Akihiko Kayaba could see how fucking awesome I was and decided to personally pluck me out of the crowd to test his masterpiece.
Challenge accepted.
From that point on, I barely stepped out of my room except to bathe, shovel some food in my mouth, chug something to drink, or occasionally drag my ass to the grocery store to grab whatever random shit I needed to survive.
During that summer vacation, I fully demonstrated what it meant to become a true hikikomori and a certified NEET, completely immersing myself in the world of Sword Art Online.
I have to admit, the game was absolutely mind-blowing and addictive. I honestly thought this awesome life was gonna keep going forever.
Unfortunately, Akihiko Kayaba went full retard after SAO was announced to the public and the beta closed down, like he couldn't help but fuck it all up right when things were getting perfect.
By that point, I'd realized everything was nothing more than a fucking scam. The developer was basically a psychopathic asshole who had zero remorse about imprisoning 10,000 players just because he fucking felt like it.
I know I should've never trusted a game developer in the first place. They're selfish pricks and assholes, just like the admins in games or online communities overall, the kind of people who love abusing their privileges simply because it makes them feel powerful.
I clenched my fists in rage. I'd put my trust in a game developer, for once, even after getting treated like absolute shit by higher-ups in online communities again and again, and in the end, I got betrayed all over again.
How the fuck could I not be angry?
That was when my past life suddenly came rushing back to me in a violent wave, and I remembered everything, who I used to be, what this world actually was, and, most importantly, the endless void stretching out before me.
And in that void, there was another version of myself standing there, chuckling like a smart-ass.
He had a well-groomed mustache, was wearing a sharp black suit, and sported black sunglasses that made him look like he'd just stepped out of some secret government agency.
He walked right up to me, grabbed my palm, and in that instant, his memories synced with mine.
All my fear and tension disappeared as I realized exactly who he was.
"I never thought that another me would turn out to be Tony fucking Stark," I muttered, half amused, half exhausted.
"Huh, same here, kid. Same here. Looks like my life in that world was kinda pathetic. Hey, you want me to lend you some cash so you can rent a girlfriend or two in your world instead of sitting in front of a screen jerking off to your own cousin?" he said, chuckling in that trademark Stark way.
"Nah, don't worry about it. My memories are coming back. I'll get my own girls soon enough. Plus, I just inherited your genius and your flirting skills. What could possibly go wrong?" I laughed, trying to shrug off his concern.
After all, once our memories merged, I ended up inheriting all of Tony Stark's genius brain and his smooth-as-fuck swagger with women.
For a second, I thought about hacking my stats in the game, cheating my way straight to the top.
But I forced myself to stop those impulsive ideas.
That jackass Akaba Akihiko still held total control over the lives of all the players.
If he caught on to me doing anything suspicious and decided to kick me out or worse, it'd all be over.
There was no way in hell I could afford to die just yet.
My laughter faded, and I let out a long sigh. "If I'd remembered all this sooner, I could've prepared better. But it's too late now, I've already logged into the game."
"Come on, other me," Tony Stark said, glaring at me like I'd insulted his entire bloodline. "You've got me. You've inherited everything I have. Of course you can beat the shit out of Akaba Akihiko. That bastard's nothing compared to us."
"Yeah… maybe you're right." I cracked a grin. "Anyway, goodbye, other me."
I lifted my fist toward him.
"Yeah, good luck to you too, other me. Go bang all those pretty girls and beat the living shit out of Akaba Akihiko. Make him regret ever trapping us," Tony said with a cocky smirk as he bumped his fist against mine.
Then, just like that, I vanished from the void and snapped back into reality.
I was sitting on a bench inside the game world that was now my cage, surrounded by other players still clueless and chatting away like everything was perfectly normal.
I leaned back on the bench, staring at the virtual sky, my mind racing a million miles a minute.
What should I do next?