I can hear all three of our breaths, feel the tension in the air. Though it seems the tension is only coming from me.
Malachi looks as if he's eat up every bit of this, happy to be here and a part of whatever this is. Maverick is sitting there as if he did just say the craziest thing in the world, laid back and expressionlessly studying me.
Maverick's words don't hit me like I'd think they would. Fear doesn't manifest inside me. My palms aren't getting sweaty, I'm not getting nervous.
I'm more so...
Shocked.
Sitting before me, his face has completely changed from what I've known all our lives. Now he appears cold, indifferent...calculated. The Maverick I know would never, could never do something like this.
"What happened to make you have to tell me?" I find myself asking more calm than I could imagine.
Malachi glances over at Maverick, eyebrows raised.
Maverick looks as if he's stepped out of his body and allowed someone else to step in, not hesitating to answer me with something so horrific.
"Kennedy."
The one word really said a thousand. It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together when that's the answer you're given.
Images of Kennedy, all of our memories together, flash through my mind; the good and bad ones. But I don't feel the normal feelings that come along with losing someone you were so close to; I feel more interested in Maverick and Malachi's roles than Kennedy being gone.
"You...killed...Kennedy..." my words come slow and drawn out, not really knowing how to react.
"Yes." Maverick simply states.
I can't help but to notice Maverick's nervousness leading up to this reveal, then the loss of nervousness now. I've never seen him to carefree, light, like there's nothing weighing him down. He's completely in his element.
Why does he look so sexy?
The drugs must be kicking in.
"Why?"
Malachi and Maverick, as if in sync with one another, pick up their glasses and take a long drink unison, setting them down as one.
"Did Kennedy ever talk about a man named Cash?" Malachi chimes in.
I shake my head, face twisting in confusion. "No. Who's Cash?"
"He was one of our jobs." Maverick explains.
Their next kill.
"Apparently Kennedy was spending time with him." Malachi adds.
"We didn't know that." Maverick continues.
"We were surprised to see her there when we walked in." Malachi then takes another drink. "Her car wasn't in the driveway. They had been sneaking around so Cash must've picked her up."
Maverick's fingers finally slow their tapping on the armrest. "We had already busted his door down. We had to kill Cash."
"Needless to say..." Malachi's lips turn upwards slightly.
"We had to kill Kennedy too." Maverick finishes.
If I wasn't high, maybe my mind would be spinning, spiraling after all that information at once. But I just look between the two men, as if making sure they aren't fucking with me. Given their steady gazes, Malachi's satisfied smile, and Maverick's nonchalance about this...it doesn't seem like they're playing a joke.
This feels like a fever dream, like an out of body experience. Things like this don't just happen. It's not every day that your best friend and his partner admit their murderers and not only that, but they've killed your friend too.
Worst part about this is the dirtiness and guilt I feel for not having the correct emotions about it.
Dare I admit...
That it may excite me a little?
I'm just high. That's all it is.
"I don't know what you guys want me to say." I admit, mind blank.
Maverick and Malachi exchange a glance, sharing some mental message.
"It's okay to admit if this doesn't bother you, Lilliana." Malachi reassures me. "It's okay to be interested for what one would call the wrong reasons. We can see your wheels turning."
My body heats up in embarrassment, caught when trying to hide what's happening to me internally. I'm sure my cheeks are a shade of pink, averting my gaze to the table top.
"How did you kill her?"
"Gun." Maverick gives a one word answer.
"Quick and easy death." Malachi says.
"This doesn't change your mind about me, Lilliana?" Maverick asks.
My instincts tell me no, that it doesn't change my mind. I'm not scared of Maverick, not angry with him. I don't have the urge to run away, to figure out the best moment to tell someone I know what happened to Kennedy.
I'm more worried about the possibility of Maverick getting caught, arrested and locked up for the rest of his life. Selfishly, I don't want Maverick out of my life, no matter what he's doing while he's in it...even if it's taking human lives.
To put it brutally and bluntly; I'd rather people die than him be taken away from me.
"There's gotta be something wrong with me." I shake my head, pushing my hair out of my face. "Is there something wrong with me?"
"Kennedy was right." Malachi tells Maverick, draping an arm over the back of his own chair and leaning to the side. "What makes Maverick happy, makes you happy as well..." he directs his words towards me now. "You are crazy, Lilliana...and I think Maverick's level of satisfaction with life is most important to you. And that trumps being upset over the fact he's killed your friend...and many others."
Our happiness...that's what's most important.
"How many others?" I hear myself ask, not sure if I even want to know the answer to that.
Maverick is confident in his answer, eyes not moving from mine and face not changing.
"Nineteen."
"You're a fucking serial killer!" I whisper yell as if anyone else is around us.
Maverick, after expressing zero emotion since we all sat down, smirks softly. "Say that again, Lilliana."
The raspiness of his voice, the darkness in his stare, the control he's exuding is drawing me even more to him.
Am I seriously getting turned on right now?
Snatching up my glass and chugging the shots, I make a sour face as I set the glass down and stand at the same time. "I need to use the bathroom." I tell them abruptly.
"Straight down the hall, to your right." Malachi gives me directions as I fast walk out, fighting the urge to literally sprint away from the dining room.
None of this is fucking me up. I don't need to sob, don't need to panic.
I brace my hands against the sink, taking in a deep breath before letting it out slowly.
The insane amount of attraction I'm having towards Maverick is what's fucking me up. I can't breathe when he's watching me like that but it's not in a negative way. It's overpowering, all consuming, and I'm enjoying it so much that it's freaking me out.
Standing up and excusing myself makes me realize just how high I am or I'm just now fully feeling the effects of it. My mind begins to wind down and my body gets that warm fuzzy sensation.
Once I've relaxed enough to face the men again, I exit the bathroom.
I thought I'd have a moment more of preparation, from the bathroom back to the dining room but I nearly jump out of my skin as I turn to start down the hall again.
Maverick stands facing me, in the middle of the hallway with his hands in his pockets and a mischievous gleam in his eye.
"You alright, Lilliana?" He asks, cocking his head to the side.
I nod, maybe a little too quickly, shrugging my shoulder and tossing a hand on my hip. "Yeah. Why?"
He gives me an amused one over. "I was just thinking that there could actually be something wrong with you..."
"Huh?" I make the sound dumbly, as if I'm not following but I am, apparently it's just in my head.
"Well..." Maverick short, leisured steps lead him towards me. The closer he gets, the faster my heart beats. "It's rather sickening..." He stops stand right in front of me. "How much I've turned you on, Lilliana."
My breath hitches in my throat, eyes widening slightly and eyebrows raising.
"I turned you on before." He reminds me, smirk turning into a grin. "But this has sent you over the edge...and I'm just dying to know, Lilli..."
The hairs on my arms raise at the sound of my nickname, which he rarely ever uses.
"What part about all this excites you the most?" He taunts, licking his lips at his own ideas. "Is it the hiding in plain sight? Maybe it's the control you've now gained over others by having Malachi and I around..."
Maverick pauses.
"Or could it be the thrill of knowing there will always be a possibility that I could kill you too?"
I know I should be backing away, finding the easiest way out after hearing him talk about killing me...but instead I bite my bottom lip, fighting my urges.
But why should I have to fight them now? Everything is already fucked up after what they've revealed tonight. The rules about anything and everything are officially thrown out the window. Life will inevitably be different after this.
The possibility of him killing people ruining our relationship is much larger than it is if we hooked up.
"Tell me, Lilliana." Maverick presses further, almost completely closing the distance between us. His large, rough hand raises, tucking my hair behind my ear that I was intentionally hiding behind. "Does that excite you? Does it scare you?" His fingers play with the ends of my hair.
I swallow, having to force it down with a dry mouth and throat. "Both." My voice comes out hushed.
"You aren't running." His gaze travels over my face, down my body before meeting my eyes again. "You aren't shaking...you aren't that scared, Lilliana."
I wet my lips. I might not be shaking but my entire being is vibrating in anticipation.
This is far more intimate of a moment than any others we've had. It doesn't seem like he's wanting to hold back anymore either.
He might be on a power trip after Malachi and his speech, enveloped in control and high all at once. Maybe that's why he's taking things farther than usual. But right now, it doesn't really matter to me.
All I know is that I want Maverick.
"I think I'm more excited than scared." I admit, caught up in this heated moment.
His lips twitch, almost smiling but not quite.
"I like that." He mumbles. "Now tell me this, Lilliana..." his hand leaves my hair, fingertips grazing down my left side before resting lazily on my hip. His touch is all I can focus on. "What do you want me to do?"
I blink up at him, not understanding his question. "What do you mean?"
"Right now..." He puts emphasis on the words. "Would you like me to forget about our friendship?"
What he's really asking is; 'Are you willing to risk it all?' The answer is yes. Our friendship, our depression, our co-dependency doesn't matter to me as we stand here facing each other.
"Yes."
It didn't take but a split second for Maverick's personality to change once again; going from laid back to incredibly primal.
His free hand takes the back of my neck, cupping up and keeping my head angled up towards his. Lips slightly parted, my eyes drift to his lips that are slowly moving closer to mine.
My adrenaline is pumping and the suspense is killing me. Before I can tell my body not to, it acts on its own accord, closing the space between our lips completely.
The deep, low groan he lets out as our lips connect makes me sink into him. As his left hand falls to find my other hip, my arms wrap around his neck.
He grips me tightly, pressing me against him and leaving no room for me to move.
Maverick steps were slow, allowing me to follow his head as he guiding me backwards. Though when we get to the wall in the hallway, his presses me back against it forcefully, making my lips part as I gasp. He takes this opportunity to allow his tongue to enter, not asking for an invitation.
Completely in tune with one another, as we always have been, our tongues dance together like they've done it a million times before.
It feels so right, unlike any other kisses I've had. There's never been any spark, no flutters, they felt pointless. You read about it, see it on television, but it never seemed realistic to me. Right now, with Maverick, the electricity between us, the butterflies the naturalness of this makes what people say undeniably true; it is possible to feel this way. Even for me.
With his right arm against the wall, supporting his weight, his left hand takes hold of my jaw. My lips are left cold as he breaks our kiss. His thumb on one cheek and other four fingers on the other cheek, he angles my head back and to the side.
My breaths come heavy and fast as his soft yet eager kisses find my jawline. They trail along it, leaving my skin to tingle as he moves to the next spot.
I begin to get impatient, letting my hands slide down his chest, stopping at his belt.
His breaths fan my neck as his kisses move to the spot that's sure to make me weak in the knees.
As soon as my fingers start to unbuckle his belt, his left hand flies down to hold it in place.
"Easy." His hoarse voice says into my neck. "Although I'm enjoying how hungry you are for more..." he drops both his arms to his sides. "Not here."
I let my hands fall from him too, unable to hide the smile on my face as he takes a step back.
"Take a minute. We'll leave soon." Maverick instructs before walking back towards the dining room.
I can't remember the last time I genuinely smiled.