On the deck of the Blumarine Jackson, Ritter lounged lazily against the railing, a crisp new sea chart pinched between his fingers. On the map, a single red mark labeled New Onigashima glowed ominously.
Can Ritter read it? Of course he can. He is, after all, the mastermind behind Roger's life-or-death race.
So why was he studying the map when he already had Lina, the ship's navigator?
Simple. Because leaning against the railing with a map makes him look cooler.
"Captain, are you sure I shouldn't come with you?" Tesoro stood beside him, brows knitted tightly. "That Kaido…"
"Don't be ridiculous." Ritter didn't even look up, waving a hand dismissively. "Your only job right now is to stay with Stella and make sure her delivery goes smoothly. If she loses even one hair on her head…"
Blood mist coiled behind him, forming a massive crimson hand that clenched around Tesoro's skull.
"I'll melt you down into a golden baby bottle. Your mission is to take care of her. And if anyone dares to disturb her, make them pay dearly."
Ritter had seen the regret of a certain man in Pirate King. With that example in mind, he would never allow history to repeat itself.
Yes, Ritter was thinking about that Doflamingo family executive who wore an infant onesie… Mr. Pica. Ritter considered him one of Oda's better-written characters. Unlike a certain Jesus Burgess, Pica wasn't even in the same league.
Burgess? Forget him.
Perona floated overhead, clutching her Kumashi plush. "Lord Tesoro looks like a full-time househusband now~"
"Hehehehehe…"
Moria's shadow rose from the floor, twisting into a chibi Tesoro wearing an apron.
"Want me to teach you how to make formula? I'd like to be a professional too."
A vein throbbed on Tesoro's forehead. "You two…"
"All right." Ritter snapped his fingers, the blood mist dissolving. "Enel, Moria. Get ready to depart."
"Captain, have you seen my map? I swear I left it right here!" Lina's voice echoed from afar.
Ritter vanished instantly, then blinked back into place.
"I just saw it. It's by the helm."
"No way, I swear I only… huh? It really is here! Thank you, Captain."
Standing by the helm, Lina lowered her voice, no longer soft or timid but sharp and commanding.
"Zombies, follow my orders. Let's make the Blumarine Jackson great again."
"ROOOOAR!!!"
"Quiet, all of you! If you scare Sister Lucy, I'll tear you to pieces!" Lina hissed at them.
Enel sniffed, tapping his golden staff on his shoulder. "Captain, have you finally remembered the purpose of this god?"
Ritter grinned. "Of course. This time, I need your thunderclouds to clear our path."
He then looked toward Stella, who was sunbathing on the deck.
"Sis-in-law, want me to bring you any local specialty from Onigashima?"
Stella shook her head gently. "As long as you return safely, that is enough." She stroked her belly. "We'll be waiting for everyone to come back and tell us about the adventure."
The blood mist froze for a moment.
This group of men feared across the seas suddenly looked awkward… except Ritter.
Ritter: Experience still lacking.
"...Yeah." ×5
The Blumarine Jackson glided into New Onigashima's harbor. Blood mist circled the ship, forming a crimson barrier. Ritter stood at the bow, scarlet eyes narrowing as he observed the eerie island with its massive skull perched atop the cliffs.
"Tch. Kaido still has terrible taste. But I guess living in a cave suits the Beast Pirates."
He muttered, then added, "Enel, if a fight breaks out, smash that ugly skull first."
Enel scoffed, tapping his staff. "Captain, this god has long found that thing disgusting. Just wait."
But when they actually set foot on New Onigashima, the expected battle never came.
Ritter even admitted he'd prefer one.
"WAAAAAH!!!"
A thunderous wail erupted from within the giant skull.
Then, with a deafening crash, the skull's crown shattered. Kaido staggered out, clutching a giant gourd of liquor. His dragon horns drooped lopsidedly, his face flushed, smeared with tears and snot.
"Ritter…!!! You're here!!!"
He roared and lunged forward.
Ritter grinned. "Nice. Straight to the point. Come on! Let's fight!"
Ritter charged to meet him. The distance shrank.
"Puff."
The Black Tide Sword slid smoothly into Kaido's chest. Ritter had only coated it with Armament Haki, nothing more.
You know Ritter. People who know Ritter know; people who don't… don't.
He hadn't even used Corrosive Fog. That ability hadn't been used once yet.
Ritter: "??"
"BOOM!"
Kaido wrapped his arms around Ritter and slammed him into the ground with overwhelming force. Ritter was stunned.
"Kaido, you bastard " Ritter tried to break free, but Kaido only hugged tighter, tears streaming down his face.
"Uuugh… Ritter… I'm so sad!!!"
Ritter: "…"
Enel: "…"
Moria: "…hehehehe… what is happening?"
Kaido bawled like a three-hundred-pound toddler, patting Ritter's back as he sobbed.
"The thought… sniff… that someone else will kill you in the future… and I… won't be strong enough to kill you myself… it breaks my heart!!!"
Ritter: "????"
"Are you drunk?!" Ritter dissolved into mist, reappearing with a kick to Kaido's face. The blow sent him flying three meters.
"I'm not dead. Why are you mourning?!"
Kaido hit the ground hard, but he clung to his gourd, still crying.
"You don't understand… sniff… I've always wanted to kill you… but you keep getting stronger… I can't beat you anymore…"
Ritter: "…"
Enel: "…"
Moria: "…Kaido, you're drunk."
Kaido suddenly raised his head, teary eyes locked on Ritter.
"Ritter… let me kill you once. Just once. I promise I'll hold back."
Ritter: "…"
"Get lost!!!"
Blood mist exploded. Ritter kicked Kaido straight into a mountainside.
"BROOOOOM!!!"
The entire island trembled.
Kaido's body hung halfway embedded in the rock, still sniffling.
"Ritter… you're so cruel…"
Ritter rubbed his temple, then looked at King, Queen, and Jack.
"Is your boss always like this?"
King: "…" (looked away)
Queen: "…" (pretended to check her metal arm)
Jack: "…" (started counting his fingers)
Ritter: "…"
Ritter laughed. Because when people truly don't know what to say… they laugh.
He turned to leave, but Kaido suddenly peeled himself from the wall and stumbled after him.
"Ritter!!! Don't go! I haven't killed you yet!"
Ritter: "…"
"Enel. Hit him."
"BROOOOOM!!!"