I don't know what's worse:
When he speaks to me like I'm just another classmate…
Or when he doesn't speak to me at all.
It's been a few days since Shinbou Ryusei transferred into our class.
Every day, we sit beside each other.
And every day, it's the same.
Polite silence.
Occasional glances.
Nothing more.
It's like we're stuck in some strange loop where we're close enough to hear each other breathe, but galaxies apart when it comes to words.
Today during lunch break, I stayed behind again.
Not because I wanted to talk to him.
Just… the timing. Total coincidence.
(Okay. Maybe not.)
Shinbou didn't say anything at first. He never does.
But he didn't leave either.
He sat quietly, flipping through his notebook page after page of perfect handwriting and cold distance.
I peeked at him from the corner of my eye.
He looked peaceful.
Unbothered.
And nothing like the boy I remembered from years ago.
I reached for my pen. It slipped. Clattered to the floor.
Of course, it rolled right under his desk.
Ugh.
I leaned down to grab it at the same time he did.
Our hands touched.
Barely. Just for a second.
But it was enough to make my heart stutter.
He paused too, eyes flicking up to meet mine.
I opened my mouth to say something anything.
But all I managed was:
"...Sorry."
He blinked. "It's fine."
Then he handed me the pen and turned back to his notebook.
Like nothing had happened.
Like he hadn't just sent my brain into complete shutdown mode with one glance.
When class ended, I stayed behind again. This time just to breathe.
Hinata popped her head in two minutes later. "You okay?"
"I touched his hand," I said dramatically.
She gasped. "Scandalous."
"I dropped my pen and he picked it up."
"Romantic."
"He looked at me and said 'It's fine.'"
The truth is… I didn't know what I wanted anymore.
Answers?
Recognition?
Closure?
Maybe just one moment where he looked at me… and saw me.
Not as a classmate.
Not as a stranger.
But as the girl he once played with, even if it was just for one summer day.