Teeradon parked in front of Pirayu's small white wooden house. The young man had invited him over countless times, but he'd always found excuses to postpone. Today, he needed to have a real, serious conversation with Pirayu. From now on, he wanted to focus his attention on one thing—one person.
That person was Wittawin.
Pirayu's little house was surrounded by trees of various sizes. The moment Teeradon stood at the front gate, before he could even press the doorbell, Pirayu, who had been watering his plants, turned and saw him. He walked over to open the gate with a faint smile.
Every time before, Pirayu's smile had been bright, his eyes sparkling. But this afternoon, his smile was cold and tinged with sadness.
The young man opened the gate for Teeradon and invited him to sit in the garden chairs under the shade of a leafy tree.
When Teeradon began to broach the subject of the situation between himself, Pirayu, and Wittawin, the usually cheerful young man quickly interrupted, not waiting for Teeradon to finish. Pirayu accused Teeradon of being greedy, trying to catch fish with both hands.
"If you're going to choose me, you have to stop chasing after Win. But if you choose Win, then don't mess around with me anymore," Pirayu tried to make his voice firm.
"Does this mean you don't want to see my face again?" Teeradon asked.
"How many people are you going to love, Khun Don? When will it be enough? How many chambers does your heart have? Or do you not have a heart at all?" Pirayu's voice was bitter as he tried to force himself to appear strong, though he knew well that he was weak. He had once thought he was ready to face pain, but when confronted with even the first taste of it, he could barely endure it. He didn't dare to keep fighting.
"This matter is rather complicated. I'd like you to understand me a bit. I've been like this my whole life—you should be able to see that. Now that I've met you and Wittawin, I have to adjust, I have to..."
"My heart has only one chamber, one room, one love—and I've given it to you. You can throw it away wherever you want, as you please. But Win's heart—don't do that to him." Pirayu interrupted, determined to do most of the talking because he feared that if he let Teeradon explain, he might soften. Right now, he had no confidence in himself. Right now, he realized how vulnerable he was. And right now, he could somewhat see what the future would hold.
"Will I win his heart?"
"If you give yourself to Win, and if your hearts align, Win will have to give himself to you. I know my friend well," Pirayu answered, tears threatening to spill.
"So you're going to sacrifice yourself for your friend?" Teeradon asked softly.
"I can do anything for Win," Pirayu said firmly. "And Win can do anything for me too. You're the one in the middle. But if you choose Win and Win doesn't accept you, don't come back to mess with me ever again. I don't accept anyone's leftovers."
Teeradon walked out of the white house's gate to his car feeling numb and abandoned. He could hardly believe he'd heard Pirayu, who seemed like such a gentle person, say something like that.
I don't accept anyone's leftovers...
Was he just some leftover scraps? Everyone wanted him—actors, singers, models, high-society types. Everyone wanted him. But why could Pirayu cut him out of his life so easily like this? What's more, it stung so badly...
And what about Wittawin? That little monkey, that little dolphin, that chubby-cheeked monkey, that speed demon—would he push him away like this too?
Teeradon was confident that Wittawin had feelings for him too. You could tell just by looking in his eyes. But the bond between Wittawin and Pirayu was something special. He wanted to believe that both of them were thinking of sacrificing for their friend. And if they were both thinking the same thing, he'd be in trouble. Pirayu was cutting him out of his life, sacrificing him to Wittawin because he probably thought they were more suitable for each other. Meanwhile, Wittawin wanted his friend to be happy, saying over and over that someone as good as Pirayu wouldn't be hard to love. Wittawin didn't want his friend to be heartbroken, so he'd sacrifice him to Pirayu. If they both did this, he'd be left standing in the middle, getting no one—not even a single person...
But there were plenty of others. There were countless people who were ready and wanted to be his boyfriend...
No. He didn't want anyone else. Right now, he wanted only one person...
***
Toey sat quietly beside Tinapong, his former boss—a younger brother who was as different from Teeradon as heaven from earth. Today was the Christmas celebration at Pirayu's Pumpui Kindergarten, organized on a grand and festive scale, complete with a computer donation ceremony. Several adorable performances by the little children ended with thunderous applause. Then Tinapong went up to present the educational computers to the school, with Pirayu standing beside him to receive the donation. Sarayoot also attended the event, sitting with Wittawin and Baramee, who was unusually quiet and grim. Pamorn served as the emcee on stage, chatting charmingly and keeping the audience entertained.
Pirayu looked as bright and cheerful as always, showing no signs of suffering whatsoever, even though he knew that Teeradon and Pirayu had probably ended things. His boss was drowning in a fire that was consuming him from within. No one could get close to him. Today, Tinapong had been dragged along as a representative.
Pirayu was gentle yet appeared strong, with a warm personality and a calm demeanor. He took care of the children and everyone at the event very well. He had to admit that being near this young man made him feel at ease, even though he tried to tell himself that this was a rival who might steal Sarayoot away. And sometimes he couldn't help thinking that the person who was truly suitable for Sarayoot was none other than Pirayu himself...
When the computer donation ceremony was over, the children played fun games while the adults stood chatting in small groups. Sarayoot stood with his company employees, but soon broke away to find Toey, who was standing quietly alone.
"Are you bored, Khun Toey?" Sarayoot asked, his gentle smile making Toey's heart flutter helplessly.
"I'm sulking instead," the young secretary pouted as he spoke.
"Sulking about what?"
"I'm not sulking about anything," the perpetually sulky person replied. "But I'm sulking at someone."
"Then who are you sulking at?" Sarayoot raised an eyebrow, asking with curiosity.
"I'm sulking at Khun Win," Toey made his voice even more petulant, though he really wanted to say, 'I'm sulking at you, of course. After all this, don't you still know?'
"Did Win do something to upset you? I'll go handle it for you."
Handle yourself first, Sarayoot. When are you going to realize how I feel about you...
Is this what they mean when they say Sarayoot suits Pirayu because they're both quiet, gentle, warm people who do everything slowly and carefully, just like each other...
And someone mischievous like me—who would I suit? Someone once said that mischievous people need to be with someone who can handle them...
Wittawin suits Baramee. No matter how you look at it, he suits Baramee. He doesn't suit Teeradon at all...
As for Teeradon, he suits Pirayu...
Oh wait, but Pirayu suits Sarayoot then, doesn't he? Oh my god, I'm going crazy. Why is it all so complicated? And why is my head having this internal debate?
"Are you angry at me?" Sarayoot asked softly, beginning to sense something was wrong as he watched the other person frown, purse his lips, and look sullen.
"No, I'm angry at myself," Toey shook his head. "Angry and disgusted with myself for falling in love with you, when you don't love me back at all."
"Hey, don't talk like that," Sarayoot looked worried.
"Then how should I talk?" Toey tilted his head questioningly. "Fine, let me ask you a question instead. Tell me who you love. Or do you love Khun Pirayu?"
"No..."
"Then that means you love me," Toey concluded, staring intently at Sarayoot's face.
"Khun Toey, please don't rush me. We've only been dating for a short while."
"I am afraid someone will steal you away. A good man like you isn't easy to find. I fell for you the first time we met. I am someone who speaks his mind—whatever I think, I say and do. I've never deceived myself, and I don't intend to start. What about you, Khun Yoot?"
"I need time," Sarayoot said quietly. In his heart, he continued: he really needed time. Just a little more time. Time to think. Right now, his mind was completely confused.
The young secretary was about to open his mouth to continue speaking, but was interrupted by Wittawin, who ran over to pull Sarayoot's arm, telling him to go take photos with Pirayu because everyone else had already taken their pictures.
"Khun Win, stay and talk with me first," Toey said to Wittawin, sending a pleading look toward Sarayoot.
***