"This is bad! This is the dumbest thing I've ever done in my entire life," whispered Ryan Harper as he paced back and forth, nervously biting his thumbnail. He was sweating despite the air conditioning in the hall. In his hand was a microphone he had borrowed from the event DJ. His white shirt, paired with a maroon blazer, was wrinkled from all the restless sitting and fidgeting earlier.
The voice of the emcee echoed from the front of the hall, "And now, we have a surprise performance from the groom's cousin Mr. Ryan Harper!" Cheers and light applause followed.
Ryan closed his eyes for a second. "Well, there's no turning back now" He stepped forward.
A spotlight hit him square in the face. Phones were raised from every angle. The aunties in the front row smiled with hopeful curiosity. The groom, Harry, his closest cousin since childhood, raised an eyebrow. The bride, Amira, smiled sweetly but was clearly confused. Understandably so Ryan wasn't in the official program.
Ryan took a deep breath and spoke into the mic. "Hi everyone I'm Ryan, Harry's cousin. Today, I'd like to perform something to celebrate their love"
There were a few small cheers. Some guests whispered, "Aww, that's so romantic!"
Truthfully, this wasn't Ryan's first time performing. But it was his first time trying to sing and dance, with a parody love song he wrote himself his idea of funny and sweet. The music started playing. It was a remixed instrumental of a well-known love song TikTok style.
Ryan started dancing. First step? Not bad. Second step? Still okay. But when he went for the spin + finger heart move, he tripped on the edge of the wedding platform and fell with a loud "THUD!" "Oh my God, Ryan!" shouted an aunt from the VIP table. The microphone flew from his hand and hit a small child playing with a bubble gun. The child burst into tears. His mother rushed over to comfort him.
Ryan quickly got back up, flashing an awkward smile. "Okay, okay that was just the intro!"
The crowd laughed, but it was that uncomfortable kind of laughter. The mix of sympathy and second-hand embarrassment.
But Ryan continued. He started singing. Off-key. Painfully off-key. He forgot some lyrics and suddenly shouted, "Baby, don't leave me like Harry left his single life today!"
Phones were recording. Everywhere.
The MC stood up. The DJ shook his head. And the groom Harry had buried his face in his hands. Utterly mortified.
The song wasn't even finished yet, but the MC cut in: "Thank you, Ryan for that unforgettable performance."
Ryan smiled and bowed, even though his face was red as chili paste.
Moments later, he returned to his seat. His mom shot him a dagger stare. "Ryan who told you to turn this into a concert?"
All he could say was, "Surprise, Mom."
The Next Morning Ryan was jolted awake by the constant buzzing of his phone. Notifications poured in nonstop. He opened his phone and his eyes widened.
"Cringe Cousin Wedding Show" was trending #2 on Twitter.
A video of his performance a little over a minute long had gone viral. Edited with zoom-ins, cringy sound effects, and bold captions:
"This is why you don't give the mic to the cousin." Views? Over 480,000 overnight.
Multiple TikTok accounts had reuploaded it. The comment section read:
"Second-hand embarrassment level: god-tier."
"I don't even know him and I want to apologize on his behalf."
"Cringe King of the Year. But kinda cute tho."
Ryan wanted to crawl into a fridge and stay there for a week.
A message came in from Harry, the groom: Harry: "Bro... remind me to un-cousin you later."
Ryan scowled at the screen. Just then, his mom entered his room with two slices of toast.
"I saw the video. Poor auntie behind the stage almost got buried under the backdrop."
Ryan slowly took a bite of the toast. "Mom Everyone's making fun of me"
She placed a hand gently on his shoulder. "Let them say what they want. What's done is done."
"Hmm" was all Ryan could say.
That Afternoon Ryan sat at a roadside sandwich stall, trying to forget the disaster.
Suddenly, a middle-aged man sat beside him. "You're Ryan, right? Mr. Cringe?" Ryan swallowed hard.
"Uh yeah. Sorry if I made you lose brain cells watching the video."
The man laughed. "No, no. I'm a content editor from JomMedia. I saw potential. You're natural, unfiltered. Cringey, but real. People love that now."
Ryan blinked. "What do you mean?"
"We want to offer you a freelance gig as the host for a light comedy segment. Not a comedian, just You being yourself. Mr. Cringe."
Ryan stared at him. It felt unreal.
"Think about it. If you're interested, come by the office tomorrow. We'll talk."
The man slipped a business card under Ryan's bottle of chili sauce and walked off. Ryan just sat there, staring at the card. From laughingstock to a career opportunity? Could he really do this?