Was i just fooling myself all this time when i talked about wanting to save this world, wanting to change it into a better place, but did i ever wondered about what would happen to the people who won't like what i was trying to do .
Will i be willing to kill those who oppose me, what if those who opposed me were actually the weak and helpless people that i wanted to make the world a better place for, what will i do if those who opposed me were those who i hold dear .
At this question, i involuntarily found myself looking at the mountain of corpses, was this what will happened if i continued to walk in this path, was this it but why would this be the only result there is .
I looked at my red hands and wondered why will everything turn out to be like this, what could possibly happen to change me completely like this .
A few more cycles passed, i felt empty on the inside, i'm still having some of my memories, but the majority of my memories were no more, i kept feeling gaps in what memory i try to recall, i know that my home was here, but i also had other homes, places i used to live that were much more brighter than my current home .
I kept on being annoyed by the arrival of what i was before, his appearance had always triggered my agony for some reason that i had most likely forgotten, but either way i keep on killing him and he keep coming back, it's annoying, but it was also fun, fighting and killing him was the only entertaining thing that happened from time to time .
( A few cycles more passed ) :
I'm beginning to be unable to see the faces of the human parents i had before, i was both sad and nonchalant about this, sometimes i was sad and other times i nonchalant about that, i had what if was remembering correctly Personality Disorder, i didn't even know what it meant, but it just came to my mind .
Once again that guy came to die, i wondered why was he so persistent to die, he called me a Demon, but he isn't aware that i was a human just like him, i looked at my red hands and thought that he might indeed be to some extent correct, i may have really turned into a demon, the moment i thought like this, my brain who i thought had gone to sleep long time ago, suddenly began to recall only a set of words :
"But you weren't raised in the world that we were raised in, so even though i completely understand where your logic come from, i can't help but be surprised when i finally understood that you are just like me, a demon . "
Those words suddenly came to my mind, i can't even remember whom did i hear those words from .
But i seemed to have realized some connection between the memories i kept losing from before and those words, but i was still unable to recall what was the occasion where i heard those words at and when .
As if all the clarity that i had previously lost, beginning return to me, the thoughts that were vague before were now getting more and more clearer, i then began to look beside me to see a severed head of someone, the identity of whose severed head that was unknown to me at first .
But a second later i began to feel that it was familiar, after another second i began to remember the vague picture of the owner of the severed head and how he looked when his head was still connected to his body, the body began to become more and more clearer by the second, i began to feel that the memories i had of him was beginning to become more and more clearer as well, yet I was still unable to recall what his name was .
Ludo, that was the name of the guy whose severed head was beside me, it took me 10 seconds more to just remember that guy's name then another 10 seconds to remember that he was the one who told me the words that awoken my brain from its trance .
I first thought those were the words of advice from a friend, but as my brain and mind began to clear up, i was finally able to remember what was going on here and who said those words, Ludo both an enemy and a friend, but also neither an enemy nor a friend, it was difficult to put him under any of the two categories, i wouldn't have found it difficult to label him as an enemy before, but now things are just different .
All that took place in those numerous cycles that passed, all the dear memories that were lost and the new ones that were made changed my point of view of the whole world including myself, i was trying to invoke a great change in the world and yet the one who actually needed to change was me .
I came to this world with a rigid morals, i thought they would be enough to allow me to to judge how this world should work, how to change it to be more of an utopia .
But who should i let to this utopia, what right do i even have to decide what other people want for them, just because i'm strong enough would be a good reason if i was vying to be a tyrannical, but what if strength wasn't enough, can i call myself wise enough to rule other people and convince them of my cause, with enough wisdom i can avoid making mistakes, but this was all under the premise that i had enough wisdom .
If i don't then i will be dooming myself and the others who had trusted me with their lives, the same goes for the path of forcing people to comply using my strength, even if i have both their is no guarantee that i would be able to satisfy all of the people's wishes .
Then what of me who have neither the strength nor the wisdom, why i'm so Self-Centered believing that i can make this an ideal world, a world without corruption .
A funny thought came to the mind of the creature about such a world, this thought of his was a world without corruption, must be a world with no live in it .
It was a funny thing to say, but i was beginning to see that there was some profund meaning in it, even though i knew that it came from the mouth of the fool and held not that much meaning, i was beginning to reflect on those words and used them to reflect on how to invoke a change in the world, one that will make it a better place .
But unless i'm able to control how the people behaved, i won't try and think about making it an ideal world, no matter how strong i was, i can't be able to remove the darkness inside the hearts of people, that was clear to me after i failed time over time to remove the darkness in me .
So i was finally able to realize that my thoughts were really immature to the point of being silly, i was also finally beginning to find an answer to my question about how to invoke the change in the world .
I actually somehow already knew the answer, but i thought that it only applied to me, but now that i had enough time to think deeply about it, i came to the conclusion that to make a shift in the world and make it a better place, everyone should follow their desires and heart and see where will it lead them to .
Right and Wrong will still the standard for judging all the actions committed by the individual who was free to do everything he want, but this standard will be set by the people as they were be all obligated to abid by it .
I reached to an answer that i thought will be able to invoke the change in the world, instead of Invoking a change in the world, i might first try and invoke a change in the people living in this world .
How will i do that is still unclear to me and this was for the best, i will just continue going around this world doing what i can to invoke a change in the people, whether they accepted or refused this will be completely up to them .
All i currently sure of was that to do whatever i need to do in the future, i will first have to quell and vanquish the darkness inside me, if i'm incapable of completely vanquishing it, then i at least need to tame it ..
The reason to why i was not completely determined to eradicate it was due to the realization i got from being living as that creature for a long long time .
I was able to finally understand that the darkness will always be a part of me, if i eradicate the current darkness in me, there was no guarantee that it won't come back even stronger than before, since it was a part of me, i decided that if there wasn't a chance to vanquish it, then instead of vanquishing it, i believe that it would be more beneficial for me to tame it .
I will change the world by not change the world, my logic is completely whacked, but i'm starting to believe that it might actually work better that way .
I will give all people the freedom to do all that they wanted to do, but if what they were trying to do was wrong according to the standards of this world, then i will use my strength to correct the wrong to make it right, SELFISH, BUT ALSO JUST, that was what i wanted to become .
At this realization, i was finally able to understand the words said by Ludo more clearly, the fact that i had turned into a demon and lived for a long time as such, convinced me that my self-centered attitude before was wrong, i wasn't trying to be just, i was trying to become a tyrant .
So this whole weird situation came to be a sudden wake up call, one that broadened my horizons and made me aware of things that i completely ignored before .
So you are finally aware that you were wrong, huh .
..... .
I was not much surprised at this point of time, the severed head of Ludo suddenly spoke to me and i was already aware that he was the one behind this whole situation, so i just nodded my head .
Exterminating an entire race was nothing that i ever dreamt of doing, but i was blinded by anger and impatience, he gave me a chance to deal with these two things and i'm now feeling much better than before, my heart was at ease and somehow i feel that even my spirit was lifted up a little .
As i finished contemplating about all of this, The normal me finally stood in front of me and asked me the same questions as before, the severed head spoke once more saying :
Phew, i thought my spirit will be vanquished before you are able to regain your sanity, want my help in getting out .
I shook my head, since i now already know how to get out of here, seeing me like this the severe head smiled and the scene suddenly change to the time when i was first approached by the creature .
I wasting no time asked him the exact same questions, but this time things developed in a different way due to me asking it one more question .
After it pointed at me implying that he was me, i asked it " Why did i kill all those people "
The creature then shook his head and for the first time he actually spoke and said :
You didn't, but your anger did it for you .
His voice was exactly the same as me and he gave me the same answer that i already had envisioned in my mind .
" Was i wrong ", i asked him and he once again shook his head and said :
You weren't wrong but also neither were you right .
The mountain of corpses began to dissipate, in its place now laid a lush garden, the sky began to once again become bright, the scene completely changed from one filled with death to one bustling with life .
The creature in front of me was now looking identically like me, listening to what he said, i replied saying :
" So being selfish wasn't wrong "
He once again shook his head and smile as he said playfully :
Wrong is wrong, selfish is selfish, they aren't the same .
" Then was i right " .
No right is also wrong, you were selfish .
" So me being selfish in the end was both Right and Wrong " .
The creature actually nodded, then he too began to dissipate as well .
The moment he dissipate, i felt a shock in the innermost of my mind, then the scene around me began to crack like glass then it completely shattered and then i was jolted awake, i was still holding Ludo by the throat, my chest began to tighten up due to the binding contract beginning to take effect, i let go of the already unconscious Ludo .
The moment i let go of him, he regained his conscious as well, before he say anything, i asked him directly if he did something to me, he nodded without hesitation .
I slapped him once again instantly, but waited for him to catch his breath before getting an explanation on what he exactly did .
It took a few minutes, but other than his more paler than usual face, he seemed to be doing good .
Without waiting for me to ask, he directly began to explain that what he just did was something needed for the plan he had devised, i asked him what he did exactly .
And his response left me a bit baffled, he said :
Try to close your eyes and see your surroundings .
I wondered what he meant by seeing when i already closed my eyes, but i was intrigued to try, i did as he told me and i began to feel that i was actually seeing my surroundings without using my eyes, it was a weird feeling, but one that i very much liked .
I suddenly sensed that their were something like currents circling around me, but it was a faint feeling, but as i tried to interact with it, that feeling began to get stronger and stronger, then i felt it peeking after Ludo pulled something and put it in his hands and covered it .
I opened my eyes and saw that what was in his hands was actually a Mana Stone shining brightly, i looked at him bewildered of what was going on, he looked at me with a smile and just said :
Congratulations on opening your Mythical Gate and Awakening your Mind Power, i have to say i expected you to awaken it much quicker than this with your mental fortitude, but at least you were able to unlock it in the end and you were able to even succeed in opening the gate while enraged, that is no small feat, in fact it's a grand one .
I looked at him as if looking at someone crazy, he noticing my strange look, asked me to use Appraisal on myself .
I was surprised by the sudden request, but i still tried to call Appraisal, but something was wrong .
FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I CAME HERE, APPRAISAL WASN'T ACTUALLY RESPONDING .