Tahimik ang gabi. Ang klase ng katahimikan na hindi nakakapanatag—yung uri ng katahimikan na halos marinig mo ang sarili mong tibok ng puso. O ang paghinga mong mababaw. O ang bigat ng bawat iniisip mong hindi mo pa rin kayang sabihin kahit kanino.
Eli sat on the edge of his bed, staring blankly at the wall. Wala namang kakaiba sa silid—same beige walls, same bookshelves filled with half-read novels, and the same corner where Noah used to leave his hoodie. The hoodie was still there, folded neatly, untouched for months.
Sinadya niyang hindi iligpit.
He leaned back slowly, allowing his head to rest against the wall. He closed his eyes.
Sa bawat pagdikit ng talukap niya, bumabalik ang mga alaala.
---
"Eli, gusto mo ba akong sabayan sa uwi?"
Makulimlim noon. Pareho silang basa sa ulan.
"Sige."
Isa lang ang sinabi niya, pero para kay Noah, sapat na raw iyon.
---
He opened his eyes again.
The room was darker now, but he still didn't move. He liked it that way—still, quiet, empty. He told himself it was peace. But really, it was punishment.
Eli lived like this now. Going through the motions. Waking up, working, going home. Paulit-ulit. Walang kulay. Wala si Noah. At higit sa lahat, wala ang sarili niya.
He reached under his pillow and pulled out a small notebook. The pages were mostly blank, but a few had words—scratched out, rewritten, blurred by water stains.
He read one aloud in a low, cracked voice.
"Hindi kita nasabi. Hindi kita pinili. Hindi ko kinaya."
He bit his lip and closed the notebook again.
Flashbacks would come uninvited, like ghosts knocking at the door he swore never to open again.
---
Grade 8.
He remembered standing in front of the mirror for the first time, wondering, "Why do I feel different?" Not weird. Not broken. Just… different.
But the moment he opened his mouth to ask someone, something clenched inside his chest. A voice in his head hissed,
"Don't. They won't understand."
He learned to smile. To laugh at the right jokes. To blend in.
---
"Pare, crush mo ba si Angela?"
He forced a chuckle.
"Oo naman."
He never even looked at Angela that way.
---
Years passed, and the silence grew heavier. Like bricks, piling one by one on top of his chest. Until even breathing felt like a task.
Noah was the first person who made it feel a little lighter. His presence didn't demand anything—just quiet warmth, like a song you didn't know you needed until you heard it.
Pero kahit si Noah… hindi naging sapat para buwagin ang pader na itinayo ni Eli sa sarili niya.
---
His phone buzzed. A message.
Ma: "Anak, huwag mong pabayaan sarili mo. Kumain ka na?"
He stared at it for a while, then typed: "Opo. Okay lang po ako."
Lie.
---
Outside, the city hummed with life—jeepneys roaring, dogs barking in the distance, a siren somewhere far away.
But inside Eli, it was all silence.
And somewhere in that silence, he still hoped…
That maybe, someday, someone would hear the words he never said.
That maybe, somehow, he'd learn to say them too.
But not tonight.
Not yet.
For now, he stayed still—trapped in the echoes of silence he built himself.
---
[End of Chapter One]