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Chapter 5 - Chapter Five: Songs That Don’t Apologize

It started with a knock.

Three soft taps on a steel rehearsal door,

the kind you only find in basements where the air smells like old speakers and old hopes.

I was there because someone had told someone

that I had a voice worth hearing —

but only if I was willing to forget everything I'd done before.

So I stood there.

Bag over my shoulder,

unfinished lyrics in my pocket,

wearing no makeup, no name.

Just me.

---

He opened the door —

Joon.

Tall.

Sharp eyes.

Not cruel, but not soft either.

He looked at me like a chord he wasn't sure how to resolve.

> "You're late," he said.

> "You're early," I replied.

He didn't smile.

Good.

Neither did I.

---

Inside the studio, there was no polished glass, no agents, no assistants.

Just old chairs, cables like vines, and a laptop that looked like it had been punched more than once.

Miyeon was already there —

headphones on, boots up on the table, scribbling lyrics on a ramen receipt.

She didn't even look up.

> "You're the ghost girl, right?"

I blinked.

> "Excuse me?"

> "The one who vanished after the heartbreak album.

Half the underground still talks about that song.

The last note? It broke people."

I wanted to say something clever.

But instead, I sat down and whispered:

> "It broke me, too."

---

We didn't talk much after that.

Joon played some chords — weird, dissonant, beautiful.

Miyeon hummed nonsense melodies that somehow sounded more honest than any lyric I'd written.

I listened.

And listened.

Then I opened my notebook.

---

I read the line I had written on the train that morning:

> "I wanted to be a cathedral.

But I kept burning like a cigarette."

They stopped.

Joon looked at me. Really looked.

Then said:

> "Say it again.

Slower."

I did.

He hit 'record.'

Just like that, we began.

---

That night, I didn't go home.

We worked until 3 a.m.

No one argued.

No one explained.

We just let the music guide us —

messy, impulsive, real.

It wasn't perfect.

But it was the first thing I'd made that didn't apologize for how much it hurt.

---

In the days that followed, we met again.

Every time, we got louder.

Riskier.

We built tracks from city sounds: train brakes, market sellers, my breath.

I sang about things I hadn't said out loud —

about my father's absence,

about my fear of turning into a product again,

about the kiss that didn't save me.

Miyeon cried once.

She tried to hide it.

I didn't mention it.

That's how we knew we trusted each other.

---

Then came the idea:

a secret show.

No flyers. No promo. Just word-of-mouth.

A warehouse with no stage.

Just us, in a circle of people,

singing into the dark.

Joon said it best:

> "We're not here to impress.

We're here to remember."

---

The night arrived.

They came.

Not hundreds.

But enough.

Fans.

Wanderers.

People who didn't want hits — they wanted truth.

We sang.

And for the first time in my life, I didn't feel like I was performing.

I felt like I was returning.

Returning to a version of myself I had lost in glitter and pressure and pain.

And when I sang that final line:

> "I am not your tragedy —

I am my own symphony,"

They didn't cheer.

They stood.

Some cried.

Some just closed their eyes.

And I stood there —

not a star, not a victim,

but something else entirely:

A woman who had nothing to prove.

Only something to share.

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