On the training field, a full hour had passed.
After a few opening words, the self-proclaimed instructor Keith Shadis entered full-on insult mode, blasting each cadet one by one. Normal bullies weren't even in the same league—this guy was a professional.
Except for the line "Go become Titan food," no insult was repeated!
His vocabulary was honestly incredible.
In the anime, this whole scene only lasted a few minutes. In reality? Every single person, aside from the twenty or so who'd "witnessed hell," had to be roasted one by one. With nearly 300 people, even half a minute per person added up to over two hours!
Ryan looked at Instructor Keith with something like awe. This guy had been spitting fire for a full hour without even drinking water?
Finally, the bald instructor took a sip from his water pouch, cleared his throat…
And resumed flaming. Today's target: Armin.
Keith's face darkened as he glared. "You! Who the hell are you?!"
Armin flinched, then shot his right fist to his left chest in salute and shouted:
"Sir! Armin Arlert! From Shiganshina District!"
Keith sneered. "Oh really? That name sounds idiotic! Your parents give you that garbage?"
Armin, sweating bullets, answered nervously, "It was my grandfather!"
"And what are you doing here?!"
"To help humanity win!"
Keith snorted in disdain. "Is that so? Then go become a snack for the Titans!"
He then grabbed Armin's head and twisted him sharply around. "Third row! About face!"
Ryan watched in silence. His turn was coming. The whole thing gave him flashbacks of getting scolded by his old schoolteacher. Terrifying.
After another gulp of water, Keith was back at it. He stomped toward a blond boy with thick eyebrows—Ryan's upper bunkmate.
"You! What's your name?!"
The buzzcut teen slammed a salute and nervously replied:
"Sir! Thomas Wagner! From Trost District!"
"Speak up!"
"Sir! From Trost Distri—"
"Didn't hear you!"
Not far away, another senior officer and a young instructor strolled past the formation.
The silver-haired senior officer adjusted his glasses and chuckled. "These kids aren't bad. You went through the same thing your first year too, didn't you?"
The younger instructor smiled nostalgically. "Yeah. Brings back memories. But... does all this yelling really serve a purpose?"
"An Idiot Sandwich!"
"An Idiot Sandwich what?!"
"An Idiot Sandwich for the Titans, Sir!" a panicked girl screamed, having never faced such treatment before.
The younger instructor cringed. When he was a cadet, things weren't this brutal. "Seriously though... what's the point of scaring them like this?"
The silver-haired officer chuckled and replied, "It's a ritual of spiritual cleansing. They need to completely discard who they used to be, so we can rebuild them into soldiers. It's necessary."
"To sacrifice ourselves for the peace of humanity!"
"Fourth row! About face!"
The younger instructor still seemed confused. He noticed some recruits weren't being yelled at at all.
"What about those ones? No yelling for them?"
The older officer glanced in the indicated direction, then smiled. "Those kids have already been baptized. I'm guessing they survived the hell two years ago. Their expressions are clearly different. Come, let's leave the rest to Keith."
With that, the two officers walked off.
Back on the field, Keith stormed toward a brown-haired boy and roared:
"You! Name?!"
The boy saluted calmly. "Sir! Jean Kirschtein, from Trost District!"
"What're you doing here?!"
The sudden shout stunned Jean, but he quickly recovered with a smirk. "My goal is to join the Military Police and live comfortably in the interior."
The other recruits stared in surprise. Most of them thought the same, but almost no one dared to say it aloud.
"Oh yeah?" Keith's face darkened. He grinned coldly. "So you want to live in the interior?"
"Yes, sir!" Jean looked genuinely happy, thinking the instructor agreed with him.
What a fool.
Wham!
A loud thud echoed. Keith delivered a brutal headbutt.
"Uuugh!" Jean collapsed, clutching his bleeding nose, tears streaming down his face.
As everyone knows, the nose is one of the most sensitive parts of the human body. A hit there really stings.
Keith sneered. "If you're already this weak, you'll never make it to the Military Police."
He ignored Jean, still crumpled on the ground, and moved on to the next recruit.
"You! Name! What are you doing here?!"
This boy had freckles and looked pretty honest. But Keith's shout made sweat bead on his forehead.
"Sir! Marco Bodt! From Jinae, south of Wall Rose! I want to join the Military Police and offer my... body to the king!"
Offer his... what now?
Ryan twitched at the corner of his mouth. Since when were honest guys this bold?
Keith squinted, then grinned slyly. "Is that so? A noble goal indeed. But…"
He suddenly leaned in close, eyes glinting. "I don't think the king would want a tiny body like yours!"
Marco Bodt went pale and started sweating buckets. Keith finally backed off.
Time passed.
Soon, Keith stomped over to a short, nearly bald teen and shouted at full volume.
"You! Name!"
The boy panicked and saluted with the wrong hand, shouting:
"Sir! Connie Springer! From Ragako Village, Wall Rose South!"
Smack!
Keith grabbed Connie's head with both hands and twisted it. His eyes went triangle-shaped from the pressure.
Keith screamed, "WRONG SIDE! Connie Springer! I told you this salute means offering your heart! Is your heart on the right side?!"
It was hilarious… but Ryan couldn't laugh. He glanced at Sasha next to him and whispered helplessly:
"Sasha, stop eating. The instructor's coming."
But Sasha kept munching on a hot potato, speaking with a full mouth, "It's fine. Cold potatoes don't taste good."
Ryan covered his face. She was doomed. What kind of "spiritual cleansing" was this? It felt more like the instructor just wanted to assert dominance.
Crunch… gulp!
A loud chewing sound echoed. Keith's face darkened. He slowly turned toward the source.
There stood a red-brown-haired girl with a ponytail, her big eyes slightly dazed. She was still stuffing the steaming hot potato into her mouth.
Eating. Swallowing. As if no one was watching. Worse yet, someone had even warned her to stop. Did she think Keith was invisible?
Keith finally dropped poor Connie and stomped over. He growled through gritted teeth:
"Hey! You! Who the hell are you?!"
Sasha didn't react at first. She looked around blankly and kept chewing.
Ryan was speechless. She was beyond saving.
Being ignored made Keith's forehead veins pop. Rage meter: MAX. He stormed up to her, eyes blazing:
"Yes, YOU! I'm talking to YOU! What's your name?!"
"Uh…"
Startled by the sudden roar, Sasha swallowed hard, snapped into a salute, and blurted:
"Sasha Braus! From Dauper Village, south of Wall Rose!"
"Sasha Braus… and what is that in your hand?!" Keith growled, his face nearly black.
Sasha looked warily at him and replied, "It's a steamed potato. I saw some cooking in the kitchen earlier and couldn't resist, so I grabbed one…"
"Did you steal it?! Why—WHY are you eating a potato NOW?!"
Sasha glanced nervously at Keith and answered sincerely, "Because cold potatoes don't taste good, so I decided to eat it now."
Okay, clearly, food > everything in her mind.
Keith loomed over her, his face dark as ink. "No… you still don't get it… I'm asking, WHY are you eating a potato?"
Sasha froze, then tilted her head. "You're asking why people eat potatoes?"
Ryan almost burst out laughing. These two weren't even speaking the same language anymore.
Keith stayed silent, face like a thundercloud. Recruits nearby stared, stunned by the sheer absurdity.
Sasha sighed dramatically, then, as if realizing something profound, broke the potato in half and handed one piece to Keith.
"Fine… I'll give you half," she said, clearly heartbroken.
Keith, caught off guard, took the half instinctively, brain completely derailed.
Ryan was practically wheezing now. Are you trying to kill me with laughter and inherit my student loans?
"O-one… half?" Keith muttered dumbly.
Sasha smiled innocently, thinking he must like potatoes too.
Suddenly, Keith's expression softened into a fake "kindly father" smile. "Sasha Braus, is it? Good! During this afternoon's run, you'll keep running until you have one foot in the grave! And forget about dinner!"
Ignoring Sasha's broken expression, Keith turned and stood before Ryan.
Kid, you were laughing pretty hard just now, weren't you? What's so funny? Say it. Let me have a laugh too.