"As your wife, I obviously have my own key. More importantly, did you buy what I asked you to?"
"Stop talking nonsense... haah~ your silly yogurt is in the refrigerator. Next time, buy it yourself."
The woman who entered was, surprisingly, a red-haired beauty with blue eyes. She radiated energy and vitality, the complete opposite of Cassian's somber and intimidating presence.
"hmm, well, it's rare for you to go out. You only do it when you're going to kill yourself. Besides, something you buy tastes much better, I'll eat it with delight later."
"It's a mass-produced product. They all taste the same."
"But the one you bought me has love in it... mnhn Haven't you bathed?
While they were talking, the woman shyly came up behind the couch where Cassian was sitting, put her arms around his neck and shamelessly sniffed him, as if she was looking for something.
"Hmm. Why don't you ever smell of sweat? Oh!! Did you destroy your clothes again?"
Apparently, she didn't find it and got a little upset. Still, it didn't seem like that was all, and her hands seemed to want to discreetly move down toward the holes in his shirt and...
"Hey Nora, stop being so clingy, and don't even think about starting, you know I don't like it."
"hmph! who do you take me for, you're still dirty from the street, I wouldn't do it like this".
"you already forgot that you have a history of doing it this way, haah~ why don't you go home. I was at peace until you came."
"This is my house... hmm but Cassy by the looks of you, today the impact was stronger wasn't it? You made sure to pay for the damages."
"Yes, yes, I did."
"Did the police come?"
"No, the old man just kicked me after running me over and took my money."
"Hee!~ you deserve it. How many attempts have you made?"
"This is the 245th and it's all because of those poorly made trucks."
"No, you're definitely the problem. Besides, why do you keep insisting on trucks? Why don't you try a train or jumping off a tall building?"
"Are you crazy? By law, it has to be a truck! If I jump off a building or get hit by a train, I'll just die."
"Did you just call me crazy? ... Well, I must be crazy for giving you ideas to kill yourself as if it were normal. Haaah~ besides, idiot, you'd be just as dead if a truck killed you."
"But that's what a real woman doesn't understand! When 'Truck-kun' kills me, I'll go to an isekai (otherworld) — it's a fact!"
"Haaah~ Remind me why the hell I'm dating someone like you."
"I'm not dating you! You're the crazy woman who keeps calling herself my wife! Listen to me, I would never date someone like you. That's out of the question!"
"Idiot! Here we go again… But today's the day I finally knock some logic into that thick skull of yours. First, you say you wouldn't date or marry me because I'm a real woman — not one of your '2D waifus', right?"
"Yes, and if you understand that, leave me alone. I want to be by myself."
"Let me talk... As I was saying, to accomplish that, you want 'Truck-kun' — or basically any truck — to run you over so you can go to another world fantasy and have a harem of pretty girls."
"Stop stating the obvious! What are you getting at?"
"Look, Cassy, listen to me. In the unlikely event that you die—because I don't think you will, even if you jump out of a plane—"
"Hey, don't be negative, someday the 'God Truck-kun' will take pity on me and come straight for me and—."
"Don't interrupt me!"
"…"
"Where was I? Oh, yes! In the unlikely event that you die, reincarnate, get isekai'd, or any of that nonsense, you realize that if you want a harem, in the end they'll also be real women like me, right?"
"Hey, don't give me logic here, I'll reincarnate in 2D!"
"Damn! You're acting like a fool, even though I know you're not. Look, the day you actually achieve that will probably be because you're in a coma and it's all a dream, and I promise I'll wake you up, no matter what."
While saying that, Nora for some reason made a sign with her index and ring fingers and at the same time made a pushing motion upwards.
"What the hell does that gesture mean? ugh!, no, better not tell me, I don't want to know... Besides, I'm fine with 2.5D, and 3D if they're MILFs, I'm fine even if they have kids... and husbands."
"Cassy, that's immoral. I told you to give up those weird tastes, and I'm definitely not going to wait that long just to fit your tastes. Besides, what the hell is 2.5D?"
"you wouldn't understand even if I explained it to you!"
"haah~ it seems that talking to you is still useless. You're getting dumber.... But as your wife, I can let that slide.... Alright, now take off your clothes. I'll show you real pleasure so you can forget that nonsense."
"Are you going to start that again?"
"Of course, what did you expect? You basically forced me into this. I've learned that beating around the bush with you is useless; I have to be direct and make things clear. So take off your clothes now."
"You perverted woman, you won't have my innocence! I'm saving it for my future wife!"
"That's me! And stop acting like a prude, I'm a virgin too and you don't see me acting like that, we're both adults here, so stop being stupid and get naked."
".../_ \"
"Ahem! Cassy, think about it realistically. What more could you ask for? Look at me: red hair, blue eyes, great figure. I'm hot—by far the most beautiful girl in college. No, in the whole city! If I wanted to, I could win a world beauty contest."
"You're just a narcissist!"
Cassian wanted to refute her, but Nora pretended not to hear and continued.
"I have F-cups, and they're still growing. I'm the heiress of a rich family and every man's dream. And you... you've got muscles... and you're alive and you want to throw one of those away. You already used up all your luck the moment you somehow got me."
"I didn't!"
"Yes, you did. Now take off your clothes and show me those muscles. Don't worry—this big sister will be gentle."
"No! Get away from me, woman! I will preserve my chastity!"
"Hueheue, you know what? I don't care if you're small down there. As long as you keep those muscles, I'll be happy."
"Stop drooling! Y-You just want my body!"
"Of course I do, idiot! In a relationship, it's 30% feelings, 20% materialism, 50% physical. Now get naked or I'll do it myself!"
"Wait! Stop... Yes! That's it! I have one condition for my wife if she's not a MILF: she has to let me have a harem, which is impossible for a real woman like you to do..."
"Fine, I accept."
"Huh? Are you serious?"
"Hee~ sure. That would only happen if you managed to win over another woman. But besides me, you couldn't even catch a fly—unless you give up and go for men."
"..."
"Besides, your standards are strangely high, or rather unrealistic, when you have nothing to offer but your muscles."
"Shut up! I don't need you to tell me that, I know, and that's why I'm not looking for anything with a real woman!"
"See? You're not even satisfied with me, it's impossible for you to get more. There's no second woman like me, so I'll take that silly condition. Anyway, since I'm an understanding wife, if you want, I can dress up as your favorite 'waifu' from time to time."
"Really? ... No, wait, you won't convince me of anything, you just want to sweet-talk me and drag me along, I won't fall for it! You're probably lying."
"No, I really will. I saw that you especially liked the one with black hair who said 'Ara-Ara'. I'll be that one. I'm a little offended that you prefer her over the red-haired demon, but anyway, that shade of red is unreal."
"It would be real in the other world! Stop saying nonsense! I won't waver!"
"Damn, if I didn't know you, I'd think you were gay. By the way, you'll also have the privilege of being the first to touch my breasts and basically everything else. Now get undressed."
"No! Because we're back to that."
"Shut up, don't be a crybaby. It won't even hurt, it'll be me wh—ah! But if you're worried it's too small, don't worry. I already told you I don't care much, and if you want, I'll be the man in the relationship!"
"No, my chastity!... Wait!!!_ 눈_눈 What does that mean?"
Cassian couldn't let those words pass. They sounded suspicious. He had known Nora for over a year, but her words made him doubt many things.
He had to check it out. He didn't think he was stupid enough not to notice, so without hesitation, he did what he thought was the most efficient and concise way to resolve his doubt.
"Hyaa~ Eh? C-Cassy? Why the sudden change of heart? Ngh~ wait, don't be so abrupt... mngh~❤️ I mean, okay, but... wouldn't it be better to start with a kiss? Ahhh~❤️!"
"Wait, stop squirming. I'm checking to make sure you're a woman. Let's see... there's nothing there, but... hmm, I heard that if they cut it off, they can even replicate the hole... I don't have a clear reference to compare it to."
"Are you touching me for that reason!? I'm a woman! One hundred percent woman from birth! I didn't mean what I said before literally."
"..."
Cassian paid no attention to Nora. He was focused on what he was doing. He didn't beat around the bush and stuck his hand into Nora's tight jeans, feeling her directly and analytically, as if it were the most logical thing in the world.
His social abilitys were, well... if expressed numerically and optimistically, they would be close to zero, but on the negative side.
Nora was practically the only one he interacted with directly, after years of loneliness and isolation, so Cassian's common sense in interactions with people was shaped by her... and a little by the internet.
And he curiously understood that the internet was obviously not a good reference point, so Nora had more weight.
She herself knew this, and it was not uncommon for her to take advantage of it for her own benefit, instilling in Cassian over time current societal 'truisms' that really are not.
From her perspective, she was expecting something like this to happen. Yes, Nora was not a good influence. And this... was the direct consequence of that.
Besides, Cassian valued efficiency. According to him, this was the fastest way to get to the truth. He was also a little drunk, which did not help.
Why is it wetter...?
Unfortunately, it was also his mistake: being so impulsive. Even when he was checking, he wasn't entirely sure. He had no experience or real reference, so he needed to examine it more carefully.
"Ah!💕 If you don't take your hand out of there, mmnh~❤️... I'll take that as your acceptance."
"Is this a pimple...? No, wait, is that...? Hmm... I don't think that can be replicated. So, yes. You're a woman..hmm."
Finally, after finding something that he considered characteristic and definitive, he came to his conclusion, I still wasn't entirely sure and was still trying to find something else.
"Mngh~❤️ For the record, you started this, there's no turning back now, haah!~💕."
Knock, knock!
"Oh, wait, someone's at the door."
"Ah! Who the #$%& is interrupting me when I'm finally... ╰（‵□′）╯?"