POLITICS, MUFFINS, AND MAYHEM
Simba had survived Cape Town, gone viral, and somehow become the village councillor, but he quickly realized that leadership wasn't as glamorous as the movies made it seem. For one, he had no idea what a councillor was supposed to do. Every time someone asked him about policies, budgets, or bylaws, his mind went blank. His standard answer? "I'll… consult the chicken."
Yes, Pastor Wings had become his unofficial advisor. The chicken strutted around the council office, occasionally laying eggs on paperwork that Simba pretended to read very seriously. Each egg was interpreted as a divine sign, causing villagers to cheer or faint in awe. Steve had already set up a mini shrine for Wings, complete with feathers, muffins, and a tiny golden microphone. Natasha baked muffins that she claimed "enhanced political insight" and handed them out to villagers who wanted to be on Simba's good side.
The first council meeting was scheduled for 9 a.m., which Simba interpreted loosely as "whenever we feel awake." The villagers assembled, expecting speeches, plans, and miracles. Simba stood nervously on a chair, flanked by Steve juggling muffins and Natasha fanning herself with a giant recipe book. Pastor Wings perched on the table, looking smug, as if he knew this would be the hardest comedy routine of Simba's life.
"Good morning," Simba began, trying to sound confident. "I am your councillor. I promise… um… muffins for everyone?"
The crowd erupted in applause.
"Policies?" someone shouted.
"Policies!" Simba repeated, trying to remember anything from Google or his fake LinkedIn. "Yes! Policies will be… um… enforced. Very seriously. Like serious serious."
Steve whispered, "You need a plan, bro."
Simba nodded, cleared his throat, and announced: "We will improve roads. We will improve water. We will improve… happiness!"
A villager raised a hand. "How exactly will you improve happiness?"
Simba blinked. "Muffins. And… chicken prophecies. Very scientific."
By midday, chaos had escalated. Villagers began bringing goats, cows, and even a small piglet to council meetings, insisting that their animals needed political representation. Simba nodded solemnly while Pastor Wings strutted around, occasionally pecking at the piglet's ears as if confirming its eligibility.
Meanwhile, Steve had set up a camera and live-streamed the entire meeting, titling it: "Simba Gumbo: Councillor, Prophet, Muffin Enthusiast – Live Chaos". Within minutes, the video went viral on WhatsApp, TikTok, and Facebook. Viewers from across Zimbabwe were texting Simba advice, mostly about muffins, chickens, and how to deal with overambitious goats.
By the second week, Simba realized he needed real solutions. He attempted to fix a pothole outside the village office, but halfway through, Pastor Wings laid an egg in the wheelbarrow. Simba panicked, accidentally tripping and sending the pothole dirt flying into a goat's face. The goat retaliated by charging the crowd, causing everyone to scream, laugh, and fall into a muddy puddle. Natasha immediately baked "Victory Muffin Mud Cakes" to calm tensions, claiming that chocolate frosting always improved public relations.
Simba's fame grew exponentially. Children ran after him chanting: "Councillor Muffin! Councillor Chicken! Councillor Everything!" Steve created a T-shirt line, each shirt featuring Simba in a suit with a chicken on his shoulder and the tagline: "Fake Life, Real Politics."
One day, the regional government sent an inspector to evaluate Simba's performance. The inspector arrived on a motorbike, looking very serious. Simba froze. "Uh… welcome?"
The inspector raised an eyebrow at the chickens, goats, and muffins scattered across the office. "Councillor Gumbo… explain."
Simba swallowed hard. "Yes… well… Pastor Wings here advises me daily. Every decision is scientifically… uh… spiritually vetted."
Pastor Wings flapped once for dramatic emphasis.
The inspector blinked. "I see… very… innovative. Unconventional. Risky."
Simba nodded proudly. "Exactly. Innovation is the key to leadership. Also muffins."
To the inspector's surprise—or horror—Simba's policies were actually working. Villagers were happier, goats were mildly content, and Pastor Wings was becoming a social media star. The inspector reluctantly left, muttering: "Zimbabwean politics… never a dull moment."
Meanwhile, Steve had developed an idea: a "Councillor Challenge" show. The premise was simple: Simba would solve ridiculous village problems while viewers voted on solutions in real time. Challenges included:
Convincing a stubborn goat to attend school.
Negotiating peace between feuding chickens.
Distributing muffins without causing a sugar-induced riot.
Simba tackled each challenge with flair and dramatic exaggeration. During a goat negotiation, he wore a cape made of old campaign posters, declaring: "By the power of muffins and fake life, I decree peace!" The goat stared at him. The villagers cheered. Pastor Wings flapped, clearly approving. Steve recorded every second for TikTok.
Not everything went smoothly. Simba tried to inaugurate a "Chicken Council" to advise on village decisions, but the chickens had their own agenda. One tried to escape through the window, another pecked a report into confetti, and a particularly rebellious rooster refused to acknowledge Simba's authority. Natasha quickly invented "Chicken Muffin Treats" to regain control, bribing the birds into obedience.
Even Simba's opponents had hilarious encounters. A rival councillor, hoping to expose Simba as a fraud, set up a debate. Simba arrived wearing sunglasses, a suit slightly too small, and Pastor Wings on his shoulder. When the rival began listing policies, Simba threw muffins into the air like confetti, shouting, "Let the chicken decide!" Wings flapped, landing on the rival's hat, and the villagers erupted in uncontrollable laughter. Debate lost, dignity shattered, victory achieved.
Simba's political life was a rollercoaster. Every day brought new absurdities: villagers asking for muffins as legal documents, goats being appointed as assistants, Pastor Wings performing mid-meeting sermons, and Steve livestreaming every disaster. Yet, somehow, it all worked. Simba's charm, his unpredictable tactics, and a lot of ridiculous luck kept the village united and entertained.
One afternoon, Simba received a mysterious letter. It was an invitation to attend an international political summit in South Africa, promising exposure for his "innovative leadership techniques." Simba opened it with trembling hands. "Steve… Natasha… we're going global!"
Steve adjusted his imaginary crown. "Finally! Time to take fake life to an international level."
Natasha held up a muffin like a torch. "And snacks for diplomacy, obviously."
Pastor Wings flapped his wings dramatically, clearly predicting worldwide chaos.
Simba realized that his fake life had somehow transformed into real influence. From viral comedy to village councillor, to social media sensation, he had turned lies, muffins, and a prophetic chicken into a full-blown career. He laughed, simultaneously terrified and exhilarated.
As night fell, Simba stood on the rooftop, looking down at the village. The lights flickered, goats snoozed, and chickens wandered the streets like tiny mayors. His phone buzzed incessantly—messages from reporters, fans, and one very confused inspector. Simba smiled. Tomorrow promised new challenges, bigger muffins, and even wilder chaos.
Because sometimes, all it takes is one lie, one chicken, and a lot of nonsense to conquer the world… or at least a village.
And somewhere in the distance, Pastor Wings squawked, "Hollywood awaits!"
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