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Translator: Vine
Chapter: 32
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Seeing Kali standing calmly, I kicked off the ground.
—!
At the same time, my heart felt as if it stood upon a blade's edge.
A strange sensation, as if I would fall straight into an abyss if I slipped even once.
A sense of crisis. A sense of alarm. Emotions that could be called anything swelled up, gripping my heart tightly.
—! —! —!
Kicking off the ground lightly, I moved as if gliding, circling around Kali.
Given the overwhelming difference in power, there would be nothing more foolish than to launch a straightforward attack with no variables.
Therefore, I aimed for variables.
Clashing with that sword—no good outcome came to mind, no matter what I thought. And it was impossible for me to avoid that sword and thrust my spear into Kali.
I could assert it. It was close to impossible.
The conclusion was reached that I should avoid a head-on confrontation as much as possible.
"..."
Nevertheless, Kali merely cast her gaze on me as I circled her, showing no particular movement.
What's more, she looked at me with eyes clearly beyond mere composure, filled with arrogance and pride.
Unconsciously, at that gaze, I could feel it.
When the confidence I felt I should always possess was truly possessed, how it manifested and expressed itself externally.
Indeed, Kali possessed true confidence.
She could convey that confidence to her opponent just with her gaze.
Without realizing it, just by meeting that gaze... my spirit felt like it might break a little.
"Cadet Han Cheon-seong. At this speed, you won't be able to capture my attention."
Then, abruptly, Kali spoke and smiled. As I circled her, a wry laugh escaped me without my realizing it.
At first listen, it sounded like she was saying my speed was slow, but she wasn't looking down on me.
—Faster.
She was provoking me, as if telling me to move more agilely and capture her attention.
Therefore, I immediately accepted it. I collected my thoughts and slightly dispersed the mana concentrated in the spear shaft to focus it more on my legs.
No matter how strong my power was right now, it was meaningless if it didn't connect.
Naturally, paying attention to each step as I pushed off the ground, I increased my speed even further.
Even faster, so that my opponent's gaze would pay even a little more attention to my movements.
An attack in the form of a flurry of blows, like before, was unthinkable.
How could I possibly clash against that vibrating sword?
Now, I had to launch an attack that was more like a flowing slash.
And that first move.
Swish!
The spear, cutting through the air as it advanced, was completely different from before.
The spear, moving straight as it cleaved the air without resistance, was true. Enveloped in blue mana, the spear instantly drew a massive crescent, and its tip was aimed at Kali's head.
At that moment, her hand moved.
———!
Concentrating to the extreme, I watched the trajectory of that vibrating sword.
And though I tried to evade its trajectory, my spear, as expected, couldn't completely avoid the sword.
Clang-clang-clang!
The moment sword and spear met, a strange, grating sound, as if they had clashed dozens of times, immediately assaulted my ears.
Almost instinctively, I kicked off the ground and widened the distance between us.
Tremble!
Both hands gripping the spear were trembling incessantly.
Forcing myself to suppress it with all my might, I kicked off the ground once more.
—!
This time, I spun my body as if sweeping low and simultaneously swung the spear fiercely, as if to cut Kali's ankle.
And I could see.
Simply standing still in her spot, Kali gently lowering her vibrating sword.
———!!
CRRRRAAANNGG!!
Along with an even more severe grinding sound than before, a heavy strain afflicted my hand gripping the spear.
At this moment, I was in a posture imbued with strong force due to a wide swing, and my momentary footwork, to create a variable, was extremely unstable.
Naturally, it was an attack that lacked stability, and the result of the clash... was disastrous.
CRACK! CLANG...!
The spear, having left my hand, rolled uselessly across the ground, emitting a strange sound.
And both hands, still feeling the aftershocks, trembled violently.
"..."
Without a moment's hesitation, I immediately lunged to pick up the spear. Not a single word escaped my lips.
No more wry laughs, no more heart clouded with tension—all of it had vanished.
'Had I been overconfident?'
'Had I not taken this spar seriously enough?'
'Was I still being held back by Elimian's consideration, as if a handicap had been imposed?'
No, none of that was true.
This current state was my true self and my full power.
I even had the foolish thought of how much better it would be if only I hadn't given my all.
With just two clashes, I had completely realized.
Slowly.
Even as I slowly lifted the spear again, I bit my lip tightly.
'Now... why am I being so dramatic?'
Truly... It was truly foolish.
Even just in yesterday's spar, I had clearly made up my mind.
That it was okay for my spirit to break, that it was okay to lose. Yes. I had definitely thought that.
And in this spar now, everyone naturally knew that I obviously couldn't defeat Kali.
I knew it better than anyone that it was impossible.
But. Only now... did I feel like I was truly facing 'reality.'
Not the difference between her and me. But reality itself.
Just too devastatingly, devastatingly... this reality.
How insignificant and weak my power was in this world... I felt like I was truly confronting it only now.
With a resolute grip!
Even as I gripped the spear shaft tighter, I suppressed a sigh that threatened to escape.
'This... is who I am now.'
To accept reality, I struggled tirelessly. Yet, it wasn't as easy as I wished.
My Common-tier trait, the limits of my spear mastery. The results pierced me so starkly, into my chest, and into my sight.
The iron spear I held was so crude... and nothing more than a fleeting, meaningless cold weapon.
Overwhelming traits. Besides that, against opponents with incompatible traits, I was infinitely helpless, utterly powerless.
Like the spar with Leonhardt yesterday, a dramatic outcome, a miraculous draw achieved through struggle and a good fight... was nothing more than a miracle.
A result where all circumstances were merely a fortunate alignment.
"Cadet Han Cheon-seong."
At the sound that reached my ears, my head turned blankly.
There, Kali, dispelling the vibrations from her sword, was looking at me.
She didn't mock me for dropping my weapon a moment ago, nor did she express how the spar felt. Nothing of the sort was in her eyes.
She simply gazed at me with a calm and composed look.
"...Don't blame yourself."
And at her next words, for a moment, I couldn't speak.
I wasn't... blaming myself right now.
I was merely accepting reality.
"And don't let your heart weaken by thinking about your trait."
But at her next words, I couldn't help but flinch.
...It was as if Kali was speaking as if she could see right through my heart.
"This spar isn't something that's particularly important for Cadet Han Cheon-seong. Before the spar, I told you I would help you by clashing with my sword, but in reality, it was just an unilateral display of my trait. So don't try to find or assign meaning to this spar. I merely wanted to test how strong Cadet Han Cheon-seong's will would be, accepting a spar with a cadet possessing a Legendary trait. And if you truly would be alright..."
Kali, continuing her words, showed a hint of apology at the end.
As if this spar had been like that from the beginning. As if it held no meaning at all...
"No, Instructor. It's alright."
I said, trying to sound calm, and offered a faint smile.
My heart, which had swelled up even when I put on the magic engineering item, had now completely settled.
But it was ridiculous to blame others for it, and it was just foolish to lament my own trait.
The reality that simply had to be accepted, I had merely accepted it now.
Click.
Kali, having lowered her sword, slowly approached me.
And watching her... I calmly regulated my breathing.
"I can assert this. Cadet Han Cheon-seong is strong right now. Among the cadets who enrolled this year, there are almost no cadets who could defeat you in a spar."
Immediately after that one sentence left her lips, a wry laugh escaped me before I even realized it.
'What...?'
What on earth was strong about me?
The spar with her just now could hardly be called a contest of skill. It was simply like hitting a rock with an egg, nothing more than a devastating collapse.
And the trait tiers and types that each of us possessed felt like a wall.
And even considering that, I still felt that way.
Kali could have easily subdued me even without using her trait.
Even as I thought, Kali approached me.
Click.
And standing before me, she still looked up at me with an apologetic gaze.
The slight difference in our heights.
Because of it, as our gazes met, a strange emotion passed between our intersecting eyes.
The immediate defeat in the spar was not the issue.
Something entirely different from how I felt I had lost to Leonhardt in my heart yesterday had significantly struck my heart, and that was what was important.
Now, I had the certainty that no matter what I did, I would never reach Kali. That was what I felt deep in my heart.
The wall of reality seemed to have abruptly approached me.
I thought I could accept reality, but perhaps I had actually taken reality too lightly.
The difference in traits, and the unbridgeable wall, was felt beyond time.
No matter how much I tried and poured my time into it in the future... I felt like I was only now facing a wall I could never reach.
"Cadet Han Cheon-seong. Right now, no cadet, no matter who they are, can reach me. You... you know that well, don't you?"
At her continued words, I slowly nodded my head.
Amusingly enough, I was being comforted by Kali.
For a mere cadet to receive comfort from an instructor, how undeserving was that?
And after saying I would face reality, for my spirit to break a little when I actually faced it.
I felt pathetic.
Slowly. Even as I blankly touched my face, what kind of expression I had, I couldn't tell.
"Cadet Han Cheon-seong. I'm sorry. I... I'm sorry."
When she finally went so far as to apologize, I hastily shook my head.
"No, Instructor. If you say that, I'll be even more flustered. You have nothing to apologize for, do you?"
I didn't know why Kali was so concerned about me, but her apologizing made no sense.
For her to apologize when she had absolutely nothing to apologize for.
I couldn't accept it.
"I went too far. I don't know what I was thinking, using my trait to spar with a cadet... Now that I think about it, I have great regrets. No matter how resilient and strong-willed a cadet is in facing reality... there's a limit to what one can endure. I just feel like I went too far."
At Kali's repeated assertion that she had gone too far, I repeatedly shook my head.
That wasn't true.
Even if she had only faced me with her sword, the outcome of this spar wouldn't have been significantly different.
It's just that, now that she used her trait, I just felt reality all the more acutely.
So, seeing Kali now, I felt even more apologetic towards her.
Smack!
Instantly, with the hand not holding the spear, I strongly slapped my own cheek, loud enough for a sound to ring out.
"Cadet Han Cheon-seong!?"
As Kali was greatly surprised by my untimely self-harm, I could actually laugh through the pain that jolted me awake.
"I'm fine. Even if I don't know what expression I had, I'm fine. I never thought I wouldn't lose this spar, and I knew how amazing Instructor Kali was. And I thought if I was going to lose, it was better to lose big."
In my foolish heart.
It felt like the right words were finally coming out.
...To face reality and not avoid it.
Such things would happen countless times in the future.
Even if it wasn't an instructor with absurd power like Kali, there were quite a few cadets among my peers who possessed special traits.
If my spirit broke like this every time, it would just be disgraceful and laughable.
"Instructor Kali. I ask for another spar."
So.
...I needed to be broken even more thoroughly right now.
Realizing my slightly broken spirit, I needed to be broken dozens more times today.
"Cadet Han Cheon-seong..."
At the sight of Kali blankly calling my name, I reactivated my mana once again.
Kali, who had been looking at me for a moment, smiled faintly and slowly widened the distance. I firmly braced my heart.
To face it.
My defeat.
And this reality.
Now I was merely at the first step of starting.
Yes. It's just the beginning.
If I could just stand up and face it again, that would be enough.
'So.'
It didn't matter how much my spirit broke now.
Because all of this was just part of the growth process.
"The look in Cadet Han Cheon-seong's eyes right now. I quite like it."
At Kali's words, which I heard, I unconsciously laughed.