Zhao Tian stalked across Heavenly Dao High's cloud-paved courtyard, school shoes clicking like restrained thunder. Less than an hour in this absurd reincarnation and nine cheat systems were already trying to murder each other inside his skull. Orientation banners fluttered: "WELCOME FRESH SPROUTS—PLEASE LIMIT CASUALTIES." Spirit drones filmed everything for gossip streams.
A chiming cascade announced updates.
[ SpiritPhone: "Forty-two unread tutorials, eight overlapping missions, pop quiz in sixty seconds."][ Harem System: "Acquire Lover #1 today or your soul pays interest!"][ Corporate Cultivation: "Flash sale on Destiny Insurance!"]
Holograms overlapped like quarrelling ghosts. Suddenly the sky darkened as chibi avatars of each system manifested overhead, circling a roulette wheel labeled PRIORITY ARBITRATION.
[ Providence: "I protect the host. Queue up."][ Harem: "Romance outranks luck!"][ DNA: "Evolution outranks hormones!]"
The avatars launched pixelated sword beams, turning the heavens into a cartoon war. Students cheered, thinking it was a welcome show. Zhao Tian, fuming, nearly erased them all when a soft voice cut through the chaos.
A silver-haired girl stepped forward, uniform trimmed in emerald, bracelet of Yin-jade glowing. Crimson eyes appraised him calmly.
"Are you Zhao Tian?" she asked.
Yin Xue'er—the fiancée he'd never met. The Son-in-Law System pinged:
["Spousal recognition locked. Intimacy meter online."]
Zhao fake-smiled. "Inconveniently, yes."
Before introductions continued, an explosion at the gate announced Li Jun—the Flame Sect senior he'd slapped earlier. Charred, furious, he pointed a cracked sword.
"I challenge you! Loser cleans dragon toilets for a month!"
Spectators formed a circle; assistant drones drew an arena grid. Betting odds flashed.
Zhao's SpiritPhone chimed:
["Win in under one minute for bonus karma."]
He shrugged, flicked a finger, and reality sighed. Li Jun's tiger spirit vanished; his trousers obeyed gravity. Laughter rocked the courtyard as the mighty senior fled in polka-dot shame.
[ Quest complete. Karma +200. Harem Points +10.]
Yin Xue'er's lips twitched. "Efficient."
Above, the system avatars paused mid-brawl. A joint alert flashed:
["Host must select PRIMARY SYSTEM within thirty seconds."]
A roulette of icons spun. Zhao needed stability, yet every choice meant obligation. Another interruption swooped down: a boy on a golden koi, sash reading Student Council Disciplinary Vice President.
"Halt!" he cried. "Unauthorized duel violates rule thirty-six. Identify cultivation tier."
Systems shouted conflicting advice—downplay, intimidate, flirt, obliterate. Timer ticked. Zhao inhaled.
"One," he lied.
Gasps. The vice president scoffed. Yet the roulette stopped on a crown icon.
[Upper Tier Providence chosen! Perk unlocked: Comical Plausibility—ridiculous statements become believable.]
The vice president's expression softened to bureaucratic calm. "Tier one logged. Fine issued: two merit points."
Systems quieted, grudgingly subordinate to Providence's rule. Zhao exhaled in relief, only for another prompt:
[ Pop Quiz Now! Q1: "Ideal number of lovers by lunchtime?"]
A vein throbbed. He turned to Yin Xue'er. "Want noodles? Apparently I must begin courtship."
She chuckled, offering her hand. "Lead on, 'tier-one' prodigy. I'm curious how weak you truly are."
He accepted, inner monologue screaming, nine systems scheming. The bell rang, heralding day one of a semester that might kill a god.
Their path to the cafeteria snaked past terraces where orientation booths sold Spirit-Infused Bubble Tea and Lightning-Proof Earplugs. Screens replayed last year's "Final Exams" (city-level boss fights) on loop. Zhao scanned everything automatically, cataloging traps, aura spikes, and over-priced souvenirs.
A trio of fan girls—one fox, one bunny, one human with programmable halos—squealed and blocked the way, heart icons floating overhead courtesy of the Harem System.
"Kyaa! Transfer Tyrant, sign my talisman!""Let me scan your DNA pattern!""Marry me before third period!"
Yin Xue'er's gaze chilled the air by ten degrees; the trio scattered like sparrows. She nodded approvingly. "Thank you for humiliating Li Jun. He deserved worse."
Zhao shrugged. "Pantsing bullies is public service."
They entered Lotus Noodle Haven, a floating pavilion shaped like a blooming bowl. Autonomous talismans ferried steaming dishes above polished water tiles. The proprietor, an auntie with bronze mechanical wings, welcomed them.
"Thunder-Pepper Broth for the lovely couple?"
Zhao opened his mouth to protest the label, but Yin Xue'er ordered two bowls. While noodles simmered, Zhao eyed the gossip board:
FLAME PRINCE PANTS-LESS! WHO IS MYSTERY BEAUTY?
Providence perk ensured no one guessed the truth.
During lunch, Yin Xue'er asked, "What's your cultivation goal?"
"Short term: survive orientation. Long term: retire somewhere with decent tea."
She laughed softly, triggering a discreet system alert:
[ Affection +5 (Potential Spouse).]
Bowl finished, Zhao swiped away another Corporate Cultivation prompt trying to sell him a controlling stake in the restaurant and stood—just as klaxons howled. Scarlet runes blazed: "LEVEL-ONE TRIAL: CAFETERIA DEFENSE!"
Walls folded, revealing armories of bamboo spears. First-years panicked; seniors cheered.
A herd of Thunder Boars burst in, electricity arcing. Behind them lumbered a three-story Gourmet Ogre drooling over leftover broth.
Systems screamed competing advice:
[ Genes: "Harvest boar DNA!"][ Harem: "Heroic cafeteria defense impresses prospects!"][ Providence: "Minimal effort; beasts will self-destruct."]
Indeed, the lead boar slipped on a wet tray and stunned its companions. Zhao flicked a chopstick imbued with casual divinity; it ricocheted, knocking each boar unconscious. The Gourmet Ogre blinked, confused, until Zhao tapped its forehead. It shrank into a dumpling.
Students cheered; chefs rushed to claim bonus ingredients.
[ Achievements: Cafeteria Savior, Efficient Gourmet Hunter. Harem Points +20.]
Yin Xue'er sheathed her unused sword. "You make chaos look graceful."
Zhao sighed. "Grace is easy when fate itself edits reality."
The lunch bell sounded, ushering survivors toward afternoon classes—"Dimensional Backpack Management," "Mockery of the Heavens 101," and "Spiritual Spreadsheet Basics."
Zhao groaned. "Spreadsheets—the bane of immortals."
Yin Xue'er smiled. "I can tutor you… husband."
He rolled his eyes yet followed, destiny lines tangling like playful serpents overhead. Orientation, he realized, was only the tutorial's gentle prologue.