I ACCIDENTALLY BECAME A GUILD THERAPIST
Chapter 7 – Love Problems of an Elf and… a Slime?
ARC I: THE ACADEMIC EXILE
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SYNOPSIS: Livia Marcelline Quinn, the newly minted Mental Supporter Lv. 3, faces her most absurd challenge yet: mediating the heart of Eldritch Archmage Phina Duskveil, who is deeply in love with a sentient slime named Glimmer. Amidst the escalating chaos of Bloodbath & Beyond, Livia realizes she is leveling up by handling issues that shouldn't exist in any psychology textbook.
Livia Marcelline Quinn, Mental Supporter Lv. 2 and reluctant server mascot, was starting to think her Therapist's Log was cursed. Its pages were a warzone of scribbles: Bron: Plushie mania. Nyx: Dark phobia, awkward crush. Alaric: Gambling addiction. Phina: Slime obsession—help.
The Bloodbath & Beyond base camp was a circus of chaos—glowing runes flickered erratically, enchanted swords lay scattered, and a sentient slime was now attempting cartwheels near a tent. Livia perched on her crate, her marginally-less-itchy robe a small comfort, muttering, "If one more person calls me 'Empath Eternal,' I'm feeding this notepad to that slime."
The camp roared with its usual madness—players screamed about "bugged raids," NPCs droned glitchy lines like "Error: Romance Module Unstable." Livia's introverted soul craved a logout button, but the guild's lunatics kept her tethered.
I am their shrink, their mascot, and a subreddit star.
Flunked psych, memed across worlds, and now stuck with a guild of emotional trainwrecks.
A notification pinged: [Achievement Unlocked: Chronic Therapist Fatigue. +10 Endurance Points (Barely Enough)]
"Tell me about it," Livia muttered, swatting the air. Her progress bar read Mental Supporter Lv. 2: 1400/2000 EXP. Her new Phobia Breaker Lv. 1 and Charisma +1 were minor defenses against the bizarre.
Seraphina "Phina" Duskveil, the Eldritch Archmage, glided toward her, her robes shimmering with arcane runes and her slime—Glimmer, apparently—jiggling in tow. Phina's violet eyes sparked with poetic intensity.
"O Empath Eternal," she began. "I seek your counsel in matters of the heart. My soul is entwined with Glimmer, a being of luminous fluidity. How does one court an entity so… transcendent?"
Livia's jaw dropped, her notepad nearly slipping. You are in love with the slime? She forced a neutral tone. "I mean, tell me about… Glimmer." My sarcasm is screaming right now. She scribbled: Patient: Phina. Issue: Interspecies slime romance. Approach: Do not lose composure.
A notification flashed: [Achievement Unlocked: Keeper of Weird Secrets. +5 Composure Points (Shaky)]
Phina launched into a monologue. "Glimmer is no mere creature! Its quivering essence speaks to my soul, its gelatinous grace a dance of cosmic harmony. Yet, I fear my affections are… unreciprocated." She glanced at Glimmer, who jiggled obliviously. "How do I confess my ardor without shattering this delicate bond?"
Livia blinked. She is writing sonnets for a blob.
She tried a textbook approach, her voice strained. "Have you, uh, tried talking to Glimmer? Like, directly? Maybe it… feels something back?" I am enabling a slime romance.I am enabling this.
Phina gasped. "A confession! A bold overture to the cosmos!" Her voice wavered. Livia's empathy stirred despite her disbelief.
"Okay," Livia said, softening. "Let's practice. Pretend I'm Glimmer. What would you say?" Her introversion screamed at the role-play.
Phina clasped her hands, addressing Livia-as-Glimmer with fervor. "O radiant one, thy viscous beauty captivates my soul! Wilt thou join me in an eternal dance of starlight and goo?" Glimmer jiggled, and Livia bit her lip to avoid laughing.
"That's… poetic," Livia managed, scribbling: Phina: Confessed to slime (me). Approach: Barely kept a straight face. "Maybe tone it down? Something simple, like, 'I like you, Glimmer. Want to… hang out?'" She gestured at the slime, which rolled into a tent.
Phina nodded, inspired. "Simplicity! A minimalist ode!" She knelt beside Glimmer, whispering, "Beloved, I cherish thy fluid grace. Shall we journey together?" Glimmer jiggled, glowing faintly, and Phina squealed, hugging it. The slime didn't flee, which Livia took as a win.
A notification pinged: [You guided an archmage through a slime confession. +1000 EXP. Skill Upgraded: Emotional Resonance Lv. 2]
Her progress bar surged: Mental Supporter Lv. 2: 2400/2000 EXP.
Her-HUD chimed: Level Up! Mental Supporter Lv. 3. New Passive: Empathic Insight Lv. 1—Detects subtle patient emotions. Her robe shimmered, now with faint silver trim.
Livia scribbled: Phina: Confessed to slime. Result: Slime didn't run. Success?She muttered, "I'm either a genius or the worst therapist in two worlds."
The camp erupted. Bron stomped over, waving his Livia plushie. "Buffer! Saw Phina's slime thing. You fixing everyone now?" Nyx peeked from a crate. "That was… brave." Alaric shouted, "I bet 200 gold the slime says yes! Don't jinx it!"
Miles Vexley appeared, his smirk sharp. "Nice work, rookie. You got Phina to confess to a blob without breaking her. Impressive." He leaned closer. "What's next, Buffer? Fixing my trust issues?"
Livia's sarcasm flared. "Fix yourself, Smirk. I'm busy with sentient goo." But her new Empathic Insight pinged, catching a flicker of genuine worry in Miles' eyes. He is not just joking? She shook it off.
The guild's chaos escalated—Bron tried to "guard" Glimmer, Nyx hid from the slime's glow, and Alaric bet his flask on Phina's "wedding date." Phina, oblivious, composed an ode.
A final notification flashed:[You navigated interspecies romance with questionable sanity. Achievement Unlocked: Slime Whisperer]
Livia closed her notepad, muttering, "I'm counseling a slime's love life. This is my legacy." But as Phina beamed, and the guild's chaos swirled, Livia felt a spark of pride. She was helping—sort of. And as Miles watched her, his smirk hiding that fleeting worry, she realized this guild's madness was pulling her deeper.
This madness is pulling me deeper, whether I like it or not.
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To be continued...
Chapter 8:Too Many Confessions