I was starting to feel tedious.
Right after the festivities, we were ushered by the servants into the gardens surrounding the orangery. I thought it was just lunch, but apparently not.
What's the point of being in the highest seat of the kingdom, when we're still expected to entertain?
The women were walking together as if we're a part of some parade. Our husbands and the other men walked ahead, deep in conversation about politics or whatever else they deemed 'too advanced' for our ears. It takes everything in me not to roll my eyes and tell them to 'fuck off', when Vesper urged me to stay silent.
"Just walk with the ladies," he tells me discretely.
He'll surely pay for that later.
Already the season had begun to change, I noticed, as we followed a path shaded by tall, beautiful trees. Green leaves are slowly turning yellow, creating small golden hues over the greens. Like the garden is littered with specks of gold.
I would've enjoyed the view more if I was alone. But I'll take what I can get.
I walk a few steps ahead of the women, alone, staring at the men's backs, content. Their conversations flow in and out of my ears as I relish in the fresh air. I have been cooped up inside for so long, nothing makes me happier than being in the great outdoors.
The air seems windy enough to make me wish that I had brought a shawl. And yet some of the women behind me still carried fans. It's odd but perhaps it's an attention thing. So I ignore their hushed whispers and gossips.
I'm just grateful that I get to walk through a place like this, a place I'd been dreaming about just days ago, thinking that this is what my kind of heaven would look like.
To be honest, some part of me is still afraid that I'll wake up and find myself still locked in that cell, all alone. All this still feels like a dream to me.
"Your Grace," said the lady in red, the very one earlier who can't seem to stop staring.
She dipped into a graceful curtsy, looking even more disgustingly elegant and beautiful with her chestnut hair. Not a single strand was out of place, as her sleek updo bringing out her piercing blue eyes.
"I have not gotten the chance to ask you how you've been faring, Your Grace," she said politely, her eyes downwards but I catch the hint of a sly smirk there.
"I'm well, thank you," I replied curtly, only because I don't remember her name.
Surely if she's sort of my sister-in-law, I would've known her name. But I highly doubt Vesper trusts her enough to tell her about my condition.
I flash her a small smile, quickening my pace, trying to subtly tell her that I wish to be alone. But she caught up.
It's like she's bursting to tell me something, with the way her face lighting up with pure excitement. Her eyes, gleaming with mischief as if she knew what she was about to say would have an affect on me.
"Look, about the thing you saw..." she began, her voice dropping into a softer tone, "it meant nothing. I never got a chance to tell you, Your Grace, I'm sorry."
I'm starting to think my husband has sixth sense.
The moment she finished uttering her sentence, Vesper slowed his steps and turned back. I can feel his eyes on me, but I ignore him.
She rolls her eyes playfully now, as if she had the right to meet my eyes. I want to smack her face.
"I wasn't going to say anything, but you were staring at me like you've seen a ghost, Your Grace. I just want to make that clear between us. After all, we're family, aren't we?" she said, that sly smirk tugging at her lips.
I remained stoic, giving nothing away just as she leans in close. Just enough for me to hear.
"It was just a kiss, you know. Nothing he certainly hasn't done before."
Something inside me twists right then and there, sharp and sudden. I schooled my expression. I won't give her the satisfaction.
"Oh, don't worry about it, I know," I said cooly, lips curling. If she can play this game, so can I.
"And you're right," I told her, "that's certainly nothing he hasn't done before. You must miss it."
She looks confused for a second, but a second is enough for me to notice. It's my turn now.
True excitement curls deep within my stomach as I extend my hand between us. She stares at it, brows furrowed as if I've just grown two heads.
"You kissed my husband," I said, a little louder just so it would catch the other women's attention. "That's considered treason in most courts. But my husband and I are starting a new leaf. We're aiming to be more...civil, when we do things."
Her gaze snaps up to mine, lips parting slightly, stunned.
I can't help but grin. Her beauty is lost in my eyes. What is the point of being so gifted physically, when there's nothing underneath? Nothing but rot.
I truly question what my husband used to see in her, truly.
"So," I continued, tilting my head, "I believe you should ask for my forgiveness, since we're being civil. That is if you'd like to keep your position here at Court, and your husband's and...well, I guess you could say your tongue as well."
She looked horrified, her eyes darting around. Pure, unadulterated silence surrounded us as everyone stood frozen. It's as if they hadn't expected me to suggest such a thing. Especially to someone who, after all, is a part of my husband's family by marriage.
"I can't have you running around telling everyone you've seduced my husband now, can I?" I said, my tone laced with menace.
I don't lower my hand, when I see the way she quickly masks her fear with innocence. In fact, the longer she leaves me hanging, the more powerful I feel. We can do this all day.
She reluctantly takes my hand and presses a kiss to the back of it. Her lips feels clammy, making me itch to wipe it on a leaf. I wouldn't want to soil my dress with her essence.
She straightened the moment I start sensing Vesper's presence next to mine. I can always feel him, somehow. It's like my body knows before I do.
I pull my hand, purposely making a show of wiping my hand against my skirt dramatically before turning to face my husband, whose intelligence I'm beginning to question. I flashed him a sweet smile as he glances between us, one brow arched in curiosity.
I can tell he's trying to hide a smile, while I fight a scoff of my own.
He offers me his arm and I take it, stepping away from her without a backward glance. I don't need to see her to know that I've unsettled her. After all, my blood still thrums with a sharp mix of anger and satisfaction.
I wanted to ask what happened that night. What truly transpired between them. But that's a conversation for another time.
For now, I direct my focus on playing my part and getting through this afternoon, one breath at a time.
Like the trained subjects that they are, they only begin to move when we've reached a few steps in front of the crowd. They're mixed now, since Vesper had finally chosen to walk with me now, granting us a small illusion of privacy in this tiring afternoon.
"What did she tell you?" he asked, keeping his voice low even when we are out of earshot.
I shot him a look, before looking ahead again. I don't feel like talking to him. Even holding onto his arm is hard enough, pretending that we're the perfect couple when we're most certainly not.
"Are you going to tell me?" he pressed on.
"You're ruining my peace, husband," I muttered, ignoring his glare.
If there's one thing I've come to hate lately, it's secrets. He should've told me. I never want to feel like that again. He's practically letting a woman like that bring me down.
"Iris..."
"Does it matter?" I asked, jaw clenched.
"It seems like all I do these days is apologize," he muttered under his breath, loud enough to trigger the anger that's already simmering through my blood. The audacity of this man.
"Contrary to what you think, my dear," I said, lacing my words enough venom to poison everyone in this garden, "I think you haven't been apologizing enough."
A glint flashed across the corners of his eyes. Something smug and knowing, making me want to slap and kiss him at the same time. But I held on, doing neither.
"What would you have me do, then?" he asked, not as a question, but a challenge.
I tilt my head slowly, deliberately.
"That depends, Vesper," I said. "What other surprises do you have, up your sleeve?"
"She told you about that night, didn't she?" he asked, keeping his voice low, his eyes cast downwards at our shoes.
Our path has grown narrow, like a subtle signal that we're reaching the end.
"What night?" I asked, just a breeze blows by, sending shivers down my skin.
It doesn't help. My stomach has already started its coiling its way up my chest. I had to hold onto his arm with my other hand, just to brace myself for yet another freefall into the void.
"You found us," he said through clenched teeth, as if forcing the words out physically pained him. "She was naked, in my office, trying to kiss me while I was pushing her away. Too hard, in fact, causing her to bruise her knees. You opened the door right then."
A rush of heat crawled up my neck. It's strange, because it hurt, and it's spreading through me like wildfire. Was I truly in love with him, that such betrayal could affect me so?
"What did I do?"
"You ran, naturally," he said, his throat working around the word like it cost him something. "I don't know where you went. I had to leave the next morning."
His words echoed in my head. Images, snippets of them flashing through my mind. I didn't even know if these were memories or jus my mind stitching these scenes together just to torture me some more. I can't seem to push the emotions away, no matter how hard I try to.
"Iris..." he said, his hand sneaking around my waist. "Are you alright?"
That must've been the night he left for his useless campaign. The one before I disappeared. That explains her strange fixation on me. She's not here for Vesper, at least not truly. She's here to see what's left of me.
"Iris..." he called, just like he did back in my dreams, while I was kept in that prison cell.
"I need to leave," I muttered, moving out of his hold.
I stride to Arthur who's waiting by the end of the pathway flanked by the guards. My mind is still reeling from all these revelations. I didn't even bother looking back. I just need to get out of here, away from all these people and especially away from Vesper.
"Arthur," I gasped, feeling the panic rising up my throat. This is all too much. Fucking too much.
"Are you alright, Your Majesty?" he asked, concern littered his features as he bowed.
"Take me to the library," I said.
It was the only place that would've kept me sane. Where I can be alone. For now.
Arthur flicked one look at his King. It's starting to irritate me that I can't so much as move without his permission here. Though I can feel him already approaching behind me, slow and steady.
He must've gave Arthur some kind of signal, because Arthur simply bows and turns without question, leading back inside.
For the first time since I've returned, I've never felt more grateful for these walls. For the silence it provides, and most of all, the distance.
I was making my way through these stupid hallways when the panic struck again. Sharp and sudden now, like the ground had tilted beneath me. I'm starting to feel dizzy but I kept walking, forcing my feet to make yet another turn, then another, and back to the hall with all the stern faces on the walls.
The portraits blurred into each other now, smearing like wet pain. I can't focus. I can't even breathe. Everything was slipping.
A pair of hands caught me just when I can't hold it any longer and my knees gave out. I barely registered the sensation of being held, careful and steady, before the darkness takes full control of me.
What had taken him so long? It's late.
What could be so important to have him holed up in his office for this long?
Something's definitely wrong.
I can't help but shake off this worry for him tomorrow.
This is all too fast, too sudden, it's suspicious.
He should've been curled up in bed with me by now.
Something's definitely wrong, my instinct distinctly telling me to turn away and head back to our room.
But I was so close, too close.
Despite how the air turned heavier, charged with something unsaid, my curiosity seems to have won.
I tie my white robe tighter around me, just as the chills from the night air blows past my skin. It's as if nature itself is telling me to surrender my mission and head back into the safety and comforts of our bedroom. But I can't.
My fingers are already hovering just above the door handle that would've led to his office. My pulse is hammering in my throat. It's eerily quiet on the other side.
But then again, he's alone. So that should explain it, right?
Wait a minute. Is that a bang?
I wrench the door open without a single thought. And I shouldn't have. I truly shouldn't have. What assaulted my eyes is even more horrific than I had imagined when I first heard that bang.
That damned bitch. Vesper. Celeste. Naked.
She's on her knees in front of my husband, naked as the day she was born. His books and papers were scattered across the floor, as if he'd purposely knocked them over in a sudden rush. Just like he did when we...the last time...
I can feel the weight of his eyes on me, and that smirk on that bitch.
"Iris, it's not what you think," he rasped. Is he out of breath? From what?
I dared myself to meet his eyes, even when he doesn't deserve it. But I love him. God, I've fallen in love with him.
My hand goes to my lower abdomen without thinking. He goes there too, for a second, before looking back up at me, guilt and remorse filling his expression.
I can't do this anymore. So I turned and fled.
I can hear his footsteps, loud and quick, running after me, calling my name. Over and over again. So much desperation in his voice. I can't help the tears running down my eyes, blurring my vision.
I cover my ears as I ran. I don't even know where I'm heading. I just ducked through one path after another. This castle's filled with them, after all.