> I became really good at shrinking myself.
Not physically — because you can't help your body.
But emotionally.
Quietly.
Invisibly.
At school, I wore shame like a second uniform.
At home, I wore silence.
I stopped trying to fit in.
Stopped trying to be understood.
And started focusing only on the few things that didn't hurt.
---
At home, the TV was my only escape.
No one in my country really had phones before finishing junior high.
So, while others maybe had social media or games —
I had Kdramas.
The world in those dramas made more sense than mine.
Pain had reasons.
Love had meaning.
Even sadness was allowed to look beautiful.
But my aunt —
she didn't see it that way.
---
> "All she does is sit and watch TV."
"She doesn't know how to do anything."
"She's lazy."
"She told me I'll never get married."
"She doesn't respect me."
None of that was true.
But truth never stood a chance against someone who had already chosen their version of you.
---
I tried to stay out of her way.
When they sat down for food, I'd stay outside.
Not because I wasn't hungry.
But because I didn't want to give her a reason.
I knew how easily one wrong glance could turn into
> "She rolled her eyes."
"She thinks she's better than us."
"She's disrespectful."
So I made myself invisible.
And in doing so —
I only added more dark names to my name list.
---
She'd gossip about me to other aunts.
Make sure the narrative traveled far enough that even those who hadn't seen me in years already had opinions.
And slowly, her words started to sound like truth to those around her.
Even to Dad.
---
He got annoyed.
Tired.
Worn out by the repeated complaints.
And even though he smiled at me some days…
I knew.
> I knew — even if not all the time, just once —
he regretted that my mom didn't take me with her.
That thought alone broke parts of me I didn't even know existed.
---
> It's a strange thing,
to live in a house where food is shared,
rooms are shared,
but love is not.
---
So I stayed quiet.
Worked.
Watched my dramas.
Cried only when the lights were off.
And carried every unspoken insult in my chest like bricks.
---
> They thought I was lazy.
But I was just tired.
Of defending my existence.
----