I didn't see that coming. Well sure, you would figure that with the kind of guy Ryan is--charming, successful, and quite good-looking--he must have had a past; definitely, I didn't understand it, being fully aware that if this friendship was going to be ended someday then I was clear with this fake relationship between us, much as something about the timing of his ex arriving made me jumpy to the core. I was a little off when I greeted Ryan that afternoon at the coffeehouse; been my distracted self all day; it didn't also lessen the feeling that led my mind astray into something I shouldn't think about: how we had been spending more time together, how his smile made my heart race, how he looked at me sometimes and made me feel as though I weren't just acting at all. It was Ryan who suggested we meet for coffee before going off to his photoshoot, and I agreed thoughtlessly. I just wanted to see him, to get back into the groove of pretending. I wasn't so sure if I was losing grip on it, yet not anything, but I just knew I had to stay focused. But when I walked in, set to see him and this woman I barely knew, something in my stomach sunk.She was gorgeous- too gorgeous. Dark hair, perfect skin, and a confident demeanor. My first instinct was to turn around and leave; to pretend I hadn't seen anything. But Ryan found me before that, his eyes lighting up in that way he always did whenever he spotted me. "Emily!" he called, his voice warm and inviting; "Over here."I walked over, trying to keep it together. Ryan stood, flashing that charming grin of his, and introduced me to the woman across from him. "Emily, this is Charlotte. She and I...well, we go way back." Way back? My pulse quickened with the words. I forced a smile while I shook her hand, the coolness of her grip making me much more aware of the tension in the air. "Nice to meet you," I said, my voice a little tighter than I intended. Charlotte smiled, but it was more bothered by a polite smile than a warm one. She looked at Ryan with so much intensity that it sent a strange shiver running down my spine. "So, you're Emily," she said, her eyes scanning me; "Ryan talks about you all the time."I had no response for such a thing, so I just nodded, the smile a bit too tight. Ryan had mentioned her before, but very briefly. He would never give me any indication that they went way back- certainly not this far. I thought maybe he'd mention it to me in private, before having awkwardly to meet with her in public. But No. I'm here now, and there's no going back. I settled into a chair, doing everything I could to remain calm, putting on an act as though this had absolutely no effect on me. The naked truth, however, was that with every exchange of looks between Charlotte and Ryan, I felt a sharp pang of jealousy that couldn't be shaken off. It was silly, I know. I had no claim to feel like that. This was all make-believe, right?"Turn around back to Ryan. Her gaze still lingered on him. 'You know,' said Charlotte, with a very light voice but with a little sharper indication, 'I am surprised that you haven't told me much about Emily. You two seem... intimate.'"I hadn't read her tone, but the thing which made her speak these words caused tightness in my chest.Ryan laughed, but this was not that easy carefree laugh, just a little stiffer and forced. "Yeah, me and Emily are just really keeping things on the low."I couldn't help but see something there- it was not exactly a good kind. Tension was that they danced around something, trying to control it from the shared history they probably had. Whatever the case, it made me feel small, trivial, and just out of place.At turning slightly toward me, Charlotte said, "You know, Ryan and I once were best friends," in her melodious voice. "We have enjoyed so many things together."I stuffed up, trying not to let my voice shake. "I bet you did."It was an empty beat of welcome silence; I couldn't bring myself to look at Ryan. My heart was thumping hard in my chest. There was this unexplainable feeling of ownership that I wrapped in borrows. This could not be happening. We weren't even really together, so why did I feel like I was about to explode?"It's just a few weeks; we're seeing each other for a little while now," I shifted in my seat. "Wow, a couple of weeks? That's rather quick," came back Charlotte as she tilted her head slightly.I was about to say something, but Ryan had to butt in with: "It's all part of the plan," his tone very cheerful, almost too cheerful, and the fake cheeriness was, as usual, only for the cameras. You know how it is.For the cameras. I was forcing myself to smile, but inside it felt like a sickening ache. As if the words were being spoken by someone else entirely and not a single thing related to this fake relationship identified me.Charlotte was not really convinced. The next time she looked at me, it was almost like pity in her eyes. "Well, good luck," she recited, almost too sweet to be real.Ryan seemed to sense the tension. "Charlotte, good to see you again. We should catch up sometime, yeah?" Charlotte walked away, her heels clicking on the floor: "Sure," she said, but her stare stayed fixed on me. With a polite smile, she was off, leaving me and Ryan to the most awkward silence I'd ever felt. As she went behind the door, Ryan let out a sigh and turned toward me. "Sorry about that. Didn't know she'd come." I didn't know what to say. Angry, confused, and frustrated all at once. "Ryan," I said, barely managing to whisper, "Why didn't you tell me about her? About... whatever it was you two had?"He gazed at - no, through me - eyes softening with what appeared to be some kind of guilt. "I... I didn't think it mattered. You're my... you're my fake girlfriend, right? This is just for show." Just for show; I almost believed him. The words scratched sharply at me, yet I knew that it was I who needed the reminder that it was not true. Still, as Ryan reached to take my hand and pulled me toward him, a rush of warmth I could not explain surged through me. I wanted to push him away and tell him I wasn't ready for whatever game this was, but I didn't. I couldn't. Because deep down, I didn't know if I could tell where the act ended, and the truth began.
