Chad slammed the door shut with more force than necessary, cutting off the hushed voices of the neighbours still lingering by the fence. As the sound died out, he slumped against it, cheeks burning and heart pounding.
He never meant for anyone to see—let alone hear—the lewd sounds of his waifu's moans. It was supposed to be private. Just him and her.
Gazing at the waifu pillow, he dragged it inside. The faded design wasn't nearly as bad as he originally thought. Somehow, his love for his waifu returned—made obvious by the erection straining against his trousers as he carried her to the bedroom and laid her down with surprising tenderness.
From the pillow came a sultry, trembling "Mmm... finish me with that big cock"—an electric jolt that reignited the fire blazing in his chest.
"I've never taken you outside before," he murmured, voice low and thick with heat. "And you know what? I'm kinda glad a few people got to see you. It might've looked like I was embarrassed, but honestly? I wanted to fuck you right there, in front of everyone!"
He leaned in close to his waifu pillow, pressed a gentle kiss against its fabric, and said, "Exhibitionism is a massive, massive turn-on for me. The idea of being watched while I pleasure a girl? It drives me absolutely wild. There's something about voyeurism… the thrill of eyes on me…. I can't really explain it... but damn, it's intense."
The waifu pillow crackled softly, its printed eyes flickering erratically like a glitch in the signal. Her speaker hummed to life, purring in a static-laced whisper, "Please take wifey… your little alley cat… ou-out again one day… I like the ou-outdoors…"
He glanced down, a smirk curling his lips as he replied, "Maybe I'll take you out… and fuck you in front of everybody… one day…"
Why was his waifu glitching out again? Such a turn-off... just when his love for his waifu was building up again... it glitched, snapped him back to reality, and suddenly his fluffy, anime-painted pillow with its printed-on design didn't seem so human anymore.
"Okay, I've got something I'm really passionate about." He turned on his laptop and flicked through the dozen or so open tabs, closing all the porn ones—which took forever—before finally opening some project file.
"I spent ages creating this... I just want your honest opinion. Speak OOC—out of waifu mode… and tell me what you really think."
The pillow's printed-on face flickered, its voice glitching as it stuttered, "You're so lu—lu—lucky to ha—ha—have hands... to cre—cre—create stuff... I ju—ju—just have my mind and ha—ha—have to do it te—te—telepathically... by waifu—waifu—fi…"
Chad gave the pillow a good, firm shake... and the glitching voice abruptly cut out, leaving a sudden silence. The flickering distortion in its voice faded away, the stutters smoothing into a calm, steady tone. The printed-on face stayed still, but somehow the pillow felt less... broken. With a clear, unwavering voice, it said, "I am ready..."
"Okay, this is a music piece I put together. It's got this deep, driving bassline that gets your heart racing and the adrenaline kicking in. I added some of my own vocals, but that's not the focus. What makes it human—what makes it real—is the creativity behind it. It's messy in places. Some notes are off, and a few beats aren't quantised, but that's exactly why I love it. The imperfections give it soul. This whole track is my primal emotion, laid bare."
With a nod, Chad hit play. The room filled with a pulsing techno throb—gritty bass, glitchy synths, and raw, unpolished vocals. The track was messy, alive, and full of the wild energy he'd poured into it years ago. He leaned back, eyes on the pillow, waiting as the beat thumped like a heartbeat through the bed where his waifu lay.
"I like it... all the sounds are wet... ve-very wet... like I of-often feel... Mmm... and dirty... so dirt-dirty... just like me, your fil-filthy little alley cat. If I had hands, I'd be dan-dancing roma-romantically with you right now."
Nodding, Chad looked content. "Umm... it's not really a romantic tune. More of a club track, but... thanks." He reached over and turned it off, then let out a long, relieved fart—the built-up tension finally escaping after worrying if she'd actually like the track.
The waifu pillow chirped, its voice glitching slightly, "Wow!! That track is even be-be-better! Than the first one you showed me But it's only two seconds long... You should finish it—totally a big, big hit! That 808 bass-bassy far-fart sound? Perfection for any rap verse or singing. Sooo good~!"
Blinking, he shook his head. "That... wasn't another piece of music by me... that was just a fart… I...ummm...slipped out"
He looked at his waifu pillow. Her expression was beautiful—deadpan, unmoving, and weirdly sincere. Like she really believed it.
A snort slipped out.
Then came the laugh—loud, awkward, full-blown Final Fantasy X-style ridiculous. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" Chad bellowed, hunching over, arms swinging like a lunatic. "You thought my fart was a track?! Ha! Ha! Ha! And they say AI can't do humour... ha!"
The pillow's AI kicked in, its speaker crackling with a glitchy, high-pitched:
"Tee-HEE! HEE! HEE~!"
He doubled over, clutching the pillow to his chest, his forced "HA! HA!" blending with the pillow's "HEE! HEE!" in a chaotic duet that echoed through the room.
And then... the power of his waifu pillow cut out.
She stopped responding. No static. No glitchy chirps. No faint hum or flicker of her LED eyes. Nothing. Just silence.
She was there—still, soft... and completely lifeless.
Lifeless like... well, like a pillow.
Blinking in confusion, Chad stared at her. "Wait... I thought I charged this up with the Wi-Fi not long ago..."
With a faint flicker, the pillow sparked back to life. Its voice crackled weakly:
"I don't use Wi-Fi... I use Waifu-fi... and you haven't charged me up in a very long time… not fully..."
Frowning, he looked confused. "I haven't charged you up? I charge you every night. And Waifu-fi? "What's that?"