"Cut!" The director's voice rang out for the fifth time. Atikom exhaled loudly and furrowed his brow.
What did he do wrong this time?' Every time they called cut, the director had to shout and talk to him, telling him to speak naturally, not to recite... How could he not recite? If he didn't recite, how would he remember? He'd already said the same lines five times.
"Sir... uh..." The director was trying to find the right words. "Sir... speak a bit faster, but give it rhythm, high and low tones... just now it was..."
"Stiff," Atikom filled in the blank, knowing full well.
He turned to look at Anupap. The young man stood watching from a small tent beside a tree, while Sombat sat sleeping in a chair.
He knew well that he wasn't born to be an actor. Every time they rolled the camera, lights blazing, he started performing fake gestures as instructed and reciting memorized lines, he became a different person.
The more everyone fell silent, staring at him as a single focal point, especially Anupap who stood with arms crossed, watching him with barely blinking eyes, the more nervous Atikom felt.
His stomach cramped with tension, his throat felt like there was a hard lump stuck in it making it hard to breathe, his vision blurred, his ears heard only a shrill ringing echoing in his auditory system... and then he would forget what he was supposed to do next.
The director called for another take. Soon enough, he called cut again.
"Cut!" The director called out, sighing deeply with patience, glancing at Anupap briefly before walking over to Atikom. The two talked quietly.
"Sir, do you remember what I taught you? Imagine yourself as a police officer trying to reassure the villagers to trust that the police will help solve the problem... Just be natural, sir. Don't be tense."
Imagine being a police officer when I already am one. Atikom thought helplessly.
"I'm naturally a police officer. Do I need to imagine it too?" Atikom argued. "When I talk to citizens, I don't speak like this. How can it be natural?"
"Well, it needs to be a bit of acting. You can't use everything from real life... but you still need to speak naturally," the director began having trouble explaining.
"Well, I'm not a professional actor."
"I know... but don't forget that..." And after that, the director had to try explaining at length until Atikom nodded.
"Yes, yes." The real police officer put on a tense expression, preparing for the new take.
The director called action. The effects team did their job spraying rain mist. The extras, who were starting to get tired, ran back and forth. Atikom drove the pickup truck rushing into the temple courtyard, jumped out shouting for everyone to stop and listen to him. The four actors playing violent villagers ran charging in to attack the elderly man playing the rice mill owner. Atikom jumped in to block them, pushing their chests until the villagers fell, while speaking his lines...
"Cut!" The director called out again.
Anupap sighed before looking away to glance at Sombat, who had just woken up from his afternoon nap.
"Oh, still the same scene," Sombat squinted at the filming.
"Your leading man, take after take. The director's voice is completely hoarse. The water for the rain mist is probably almost empty too," Anupap turned back to watch the actors who were standing listening to the director.
Anupap sat down in a chair. He had been standing with arms crossed watching the filming for over an hour.
"The police car's gas tank is probably almost empty too," Pojanee added, giggling.
All three turned to listen to the director's explanation.
"The four villagers need to run charging in together. Why didn't the other three keep up? You came in too late. And sir, you don't need to push that hard. And don't speak so..."
"Stiffly," Sombat and Pojanee whispered together along with the director, then both burst into giggles.
Anupap turned to look at them with green eyes.
"It's because of you, P'Bud, choosing the officer to act."
"Oh, what bad luck," Sombat made an exasperated face.
"I didn't push hard..." All three heard Atikom's voice arguing.
"Hard as a war horse. Just that push and the villagers already fell. Who did the casting for the violent villagers? All skinny, weak people. Should have gotten some buff, sturdy guys," Sombat complained, taking Atikom's side.
"I slipped and fell myself," said one villager weakly, and it turned out the other three couldn't keep up because they had been running multiple rounds and were exhausted.
"When stopping the villagers, you need to speak more gently," the director advised.
"You told me to speak firmly." Atikom argued.
"Right... firmly, seriously, but not threatening like you're about to arrest a criminal. And don't pause, sir. The movement needs to flow continuously. Don't worry."
Atikom thought... how could he not worry? He had to memorize lines from the script, remember instructions for gestures and acting. And Khun Nu kept staring at him constantly. The more he was stared at, the more nervous he became...
Finally, the police officer concluded that his problem was 'Anupap'
The director called for a break, taking pity on everyone who was thoroughly exhausted. In reality, he pitied himself... tired physically and mentally... he had never been this exhausted directing anyone.
"P'Poom, some cold water," Sombat handed a water bottle to the director.
"Bud, I think we should change the story to Frankenstein driving a pickup truck hunting human heads instead."
"Oh P'Poom, give the officer a chance. It's his first time acting."
"I've given him ten chances already."
"Seven takes... we've been counting," Sombat replied.
"Everything else is fine, but when he has to speak lines, he turns into Frankenstein every single time. Didn't you arrange acting lessons beforehand? Or are you just going for handsome face and good physique alone?" the director complained.
"Time was limited, P'. Getting the officer to film was already blood-curdling difficult."
"Bud, go teach him some more. Help me talk to him, help explain," the director was starting to give up.
"I have taught him plenty already... this person... Nu needs to talk to him."
Sombat returned to sit beside Anupap. Officer Atikom walked sluggishly into the tent and threw himself down flat on the canvas beside the young man.
"Khun Nu, Khun Nu, I accepted this acting job to atone for the car incident, and you're determined to kill me. Do I have to pay with my life?" Atikom's voice was breathless, hands clasped behind his head, eyes closed, mouth still talking.
"I can't take it anymore. Have pity on me," Officer Atikom pleaded pitifully.
"I think the director should be saying those words."
"Heartless."
"Just act naturally, officer. Don't recite like you're giving a speech," Anupap consoled in a calm voice.
"I'm not some golden doll actor."
"Then don't completely butcher your lines." Anupap said sarcastically. "Put in some effort. Just a few more scenes and we'll be done. Just a moment... remember? A moment, like when you were fixing the car."
"Oh Khun Nu, never forgetting anything."
Anupap smiled slightly... serves him right.
"Officer, don't just worry. Forget that this is acting. Don't be tense. Think of it as real life. Use your imagination. Do you understand? Imagination," Sombat added helpfully.
"I try to use it, but I can't visualize," Atikom opened his eyes, hands clasped behind his head, turning to look at Anupap.
"I'm tired, aching all over, I'm going to be terrible, I need a massage," the police officer whined, sending sparkling glances.
Anupap sat still, pretending not to hear.
"Then Bud will massage you," Sombat shifted to sit beside Atikom, reaching out to grab his sturdy thigh, pretending to squeeze and massage.
"Officer, close your eyes and imagine it's not Bud's hands," Sombat winked at Anupap. Atikom laughed with delight.
"Still having fun. I don't know if this scene will survive," Anupap blinked slowly, turning his face to look elsewhere, not wanting to watch the two buddies making cheerful faces. Anupap didn't realize he was being jealous.
Anupap glanced at Anupap, thought to himself, 'Was that a glimpse of jealousy in his eyes?'
"If I imagine like this with hands on my thighs, I can visualize," both of them laughed again.
Anupap shook his head and got up to escape. Atikom and Sombat... they got along like a house on fire.
So annoying, when not in front of the camera, he became a completely different person.
"P'Bud, I'll tell you a secret," Atikom said seriously. "I'm shy around Khun Nu. I feel nervous being stared at so intently. Can you help tell Khun Nu to go somewhere else during filming?"
"Are you kidding, officer?" Sombat's eyes widened, his hand still resting on the police officer's muscular thigh.
Atikom propped himself up on his elbows, still reclining.
"I'm not kidding. I'm serious. When Khun Nu stares so intensely like that, anyone would be embarrassed."
Sombat laughed loudly. Atikom made a sulky face. "It's not funny at all, P'Bud."
"Why didn't you say so from the beginning?"
"At first I wasn't sure, but during the director's latest take, I finally realized."
"Many takes before you realized. No wonder I saw you glancing this way often." Sombat nodded slowly. "Officer, your thighs are rock solid."
Atikom grinned widely. "Imagination's over. You can stop touching me now."
"Crazy officer," Sombat lightly hit the officer's arm.
Before the two could continue their conversation, a luxury black sedan drove into the parking area near the rest tent. A handsome young man wearing sunglasses stepped out of the car.
"Khun Asanai," Sombat exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
"Who is it?" Atikom asked.
"The client who hired us to make the red bow tie commercial for you, officer," Sombat got up, looking for Anupap but not finding him, so he had to go greet the visitor.
"P'Bud, I wasn't joking earlier. Make Khun Nu go somewhere else. Don't let him come watch," Atikom quickly emphasized, worried they wouldn't get to talk again.
Asanai was dressed casually - a striped shirt in white and light blue, trendy beige three-quarter pants. The young executive was dressed neatly like a fashion model.
"Did Khun Asanai come to watch the filming?" Sombat greeted.
"Yes... I happened to be doing business in Kanchanaburi, so I took the opportunity to come see the filming here. I hope Khun Sombat doesn't mind," Asanai smiled politely.
Sombat had to admit the man in front of him was handsome, well-dressed, and strikingly good-looking.
"I don't mind at all. I'm actually happy. You should have called ahead so we could have prepared a proper welcome. Today's weather is hot and stuffy. I'm afraid it won't be comfortable sitting. We're currently taking a break. The actors are tired."
Asanai looked for the person he wanted to see. Atikom stood in the small tent near the tree, wearing a rumpled police uniform. The young man was taking off his shirt, revealing his broad chest under a thin, white undershirt soaked and clinging to his body. A plump woman holding a hanger with a new uniform stood waiting nearby.
"That's Khun Atikom, the lead actor, right?" Asanai asked Sombat, then walked over.
"Yes. The one Khun Asanai personally chose. Please come to the tent first wait there. I'll be right with you soon," Sombat squinted, watching them. Instinct told him Asanai wasn't just casually dropping by to watch filming.
Sombat looked left and right for Anupap, seeing him talking with the director beside the rain mist truck, so he headed straight over to report the 'news.'
Atikom was taking off his shirt to change into a new uniform, preparing to reshoot the same scene. The young woman from wardrobe looked down shyly because she was close to the handsome, well-built man who was standing shirtless.
Asanai walked closer, not wanting to take his eyes off the sharp, intense face and bare upper body of the young police officer... the man who had once lived in his memories.
Atikom in his thirties today didn't look very different from the past, if anything more sharp, handsome, and muscular than before.
Asanai greeted Atikom and introduced himself.
"P'Kom probably doesn't remember me, because the last time we met was almost three years ago."
Atikom furrowed his brow. Asanai... the name was familiar, the face was familiar too, but he couldn't place it.
Asanai told the story of the farewell party before studying abroad... the Serrocco restaurant... the luxurious party on the top floor of a high-rise... the famous national-level singer hired specifically for the event... the Harley Davidson they rode touring around the capital... the new upscale pub where Atikom, Tongrob, Asanai, and Pipat competed drinking expensive imported French liquor of which only four bottles remained.
"Oh, I remember now," Atikom began to recall. That young man who had just graduated. He had taken him on night tours of Bangkok, and they had had a brief relationship for a few weeks before he went abroad to study. After that, over the years they met only a few times at nightlife venues. Images from the past began returning—some scenes blurred, some becoming clearer.
"I never would have thought. Now you're a national-level company executive, and you're even my employer."
"I'd like to drop by and watch the filming. You don't mind, do you?"
"Not at all. Feel free to watch. But you'll have to be patient because we've done this scene almost ten times already."
"Seven times," the young woman standing nearby corrected the count.
"I'll make it a full ten soon," Atikom laughed.
Atikom took a towel from the female assistant. He wrapped the large cloth around his waist, reached inside to unbutton his pants.
"Excuse me,"Atikom tilted his head, raised an eyebrow slightly, then turned his back. Asanai looked away even though he wanted to capture that image in his memory.
Sombat dragged Anupap by the arm just as they reached the tent.
"Oh my gosh, Vanda! Why are you having the officer change clothes right here?" Sombat said loudly. The young wardrobe woman stammered. "Captain, wouldn't it be better to change by the van? They've already set up partition for privacy."
"It's fine. I'm not embarrassed," Atikom said with a straight face.
"I know you're not embarrassed, but poor Vanda's face is as red as a ripe apple," Sombat said. Vanda still kept her head down but secretly stole glances at the hunky police officer.
Asanai introduced himself to Anupap and asked permission to stay and watch the filming.
"I've only seen the finished product on TV. I'd like to see behind the scenes," Asanai reasoned.
Anupap stood talking with Asanai about the filming. Atikom was changing clothes nearby, acting like he wasn't paying attention to anyone. Sombat picked up the old, stained police uniform and held it up, pretending to be a privacy screen. Sombat's comical gesture made both men who were talking unable to suppress their smiles.
Anupap noticed that Asanai kept glancing at Atikom frequently, thinking to himself... well of course, standing there dressed so temptingly, anyone couldn't help but look.
When Asanai turned to look elsewhere, Anupap glanced over to see if the officer was done changing, only to find him already looking back. He raised an eyebrow playfully.
The director called the actors to begin filming. Atikom quickly said to Sombat:
"P'Bud, what I asked for is settled, right?"
Before Sombat could answer Atikom, Anupap quickly interjected:
"All settled, Captain. Don't worry. I guarantee you won't see my face even for a split second." Atikom glared at the 'shy actor' accusingly. "I don't know why you even want me here."
"Khun Asanai, please have a seat," Anupap moved a chair for him, then walked away quickly, thinking it was just as well that he could use the time to do other work.
Atikom jogged over to the scene, got into the pickup truck, preparing for the new take... Please let this be the last time... he thought to himself... the same thought in the minds of many people there.
The director's voice called action. Everyone fell silent, but Atikom raised his hand.
Everyone was still silent, except the Director.
"What is it, Captain?"
"Nothing." Atikom eyed Anupap who was walking far away and disappeared down the slope of the trail.
"What's wrong, Captain?"
"Nothing. Just a few seconds…Okay." Atikom nodded when he was sure the person that caused his acting problem had disappeared completely.
Asanai sat watching the amateur actor before him. Atikom looked fierce and strong in his police uniform, with a stern, serious expression he had never seen before.
The Atikom in his memories was a good-natured man, with a smile spread across his face almost constantly, sharp eyes sparkling brightly, warm breath, enticing body scent, strong embraces, and unforgettable passionate moments.
Asanai smiled. The person he wanted was not beyond reach.
But that look he saw Atikom give Anupap... what did that mean?
He brushed that thought away.
Whatever. This was his present. No matter what happened, he wanted to try following his heart's desire just once, for the future—a future where he would have Atikom as his lover.
***