Ram stayed back, at a distance that was adequate to give us privacy, but also to intervene immediately if things went wrong.
I stood in front of the room and knocked timidly.
"Rem, it's me."
There was no response on the first attempt, but I was prepared for that.
"If you don't want to talk, you don't have to say anything."
I unconsciously unfocused my eyes, pouring all my concentration into improvising a good apology.
"I said some horrible things to you. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now, and I don't deserve your forgiveness for what I did. I wish I could turn back time, but I'm sure I'd make a similar mistake again, because I'm that stupid."
If she was there, she gave me no sign to confirm it. But I continued, convinced that she could hear me.
"The point is, none of this is your fault. Don't let what a piece of trash like me might say affect you, especially at a time when I wasn't thinking clearly."
To my surprise, the door opened a few seconds later and Rem peeked out. Her appearance made me want to hug a cactus. Prolonged crying had reddened her whites, her eyes looked like puffy bags, and there were unclean tear stains on her cheeks.
She looked at me with a sad smile.
"Please don't say those things about yourself. I'm the one who should apologize."
Her response caught me completely off guard, and I couldn't get a word out. She sighed heavily and clenched her trembling hands, gathering the strength to speak without breaking down.
"I know. I'm difficult to deal with." She nodded to herself. "All this time I was blinded by my selfishness, always thinking only of myself. I even got mad at you for keeping me out of it, but now I understand everything."
I opened my mouth to say something, but my mind was blank. Rem's reaction had left me perplexed.
"You really care about me. In fact, I think you like me almost as much as I like you." There was a hint of happiness in those words, but the underlying sadness was much greater. "That's why you always try to protect me."
"Yes... That's true." I was so uncomfortable and nervous that I barely reacted to Rem's confession. "But I did something unforgivable to you."
"No, that's not true." Rem shook her head, her smile fading completely. "You just told the truth."
"... Huh?"
"Leandro, you're an incredible person. Compared to you, I'm worthless. But you'd never tell me that, because you're too kind. Now I understand that I'd only be in your way by wanting to help you. In reality, you don't need me at all."
"Rem, that's not true."
"It is!" She screamed hysterically. "I know it is!"
Her anguish hit me like a slap in the face. At that moment, I knew I'd messed up a lot more than I'd initially assumed. Rem looked like she was about to cry again.
"And I was never angry with you... How could I blame you for my flaws?" She rubbed her face with her forearm. "Nor can I blame you for preferring Lady Emilia."
"That's not-"
"You don't have to lie to comfort me anymore. I don't want to be a burden to you anymore."
Finally, I couldn't resist the frustration I was building up and I snapped.
"You were never a burden, Rem! And you're no less than anyone! Where do you get these ideas from?!" After that initial outburst, I took a breath to calm myself. "Look, I know you're severely depressed because of everything you've been through, but you have to stop doing this. You can't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in your life, much less for the actions of others."
Unfortunately, my words bounced off her.
"I'm not saying it's all my fault. I'm just saying I'm not enough. If I were stronger or smarter, I could really help you. If I were more like my sister, or like Lady Emilia..."
"Stop that shit!" I grabbed her shoulders, trying to make her see reason. "You are who you are, Rem! I like you like this, and I don't prefer you any other way!"
"Liar!" Rem couldn't hold back her tears and shoved me in the chest. "You're just saying that because you feel sorry for me! You said it yourself!"
"That was a stupid tantrum! I'm not one to feel sorry for anyone! Of all people, I'm the most screwed!"
I found it hard to believe that Rem, the ideal girl for many, was saying these things to me. It was ridiculous.
She looked at me as if I had told her the most blatant lie in the universe.
"If someone like you feels this way, how should I feel?" She looked down, her voice trailing off. "Do I even have the right to suffer? I'm not a hero or a leader; I don't have that big a responsibility. Maybe I should just die."
Her words pierced my chest like icy needles. I felt like the most repulsive monster of all for taking her depression to this level.
"Rem..."
I went limp, my hands loosening and releasing their grip on her body. I stepped back and I bumped into the wall.
"No... This is too much." I muttered. "I have to fix this."
My eyes shifted to my waistband, where the revolver lay holstered. At this point, it seemed like the only way to solve the problem.
I hated the idea, but I hated myself more for having caused this outcome. I gritted my teeth and grabbed my gun, pressing the barrel against my temple.
"Fuck this loop. I'll do it all over again."
Just as I was about to pull the trigger, Rem threw herself at me and the impact made me drop the revolver.
"What are you doing!?" She exclaimed, angry and scared.
"Let me go." I decided my resolve couldn't waver. Using my authority, I pushed her away from me and stopped her movements. "This is the only way."
"What are you talking about?! Have you gone crazy?!"
I wasn't rambling, but she wouldn't understand. I wondered how she'd react if she knew the activation condition of my power was my own death.
"Wait! Please don't do it! LEANDRO!"
Ignoring Rem's squeals, I walked over to my dropped weapon to pick it up.
"Fula!" Suddenly, Ram's voice echoed in the hallway, and a breeze blew in front of me.
I watched in disbelief as my precious revolver was split in two by a blade of magical wind.
"Ram, you just..."
Before I could finish, I received a punch to the nose, courtesy of the pinkette. I fell on my ass and my nose started bleeding rapidly. Ram cracked her knuckles, ready to hit me again.
"Can you explain to me what you were planning to do by pointing that thing at yourself?"
"Die." I gave the short answer, or rather, the only one I could say without earning a 'squeeze' from Satella.
Ram was about to say something, but then Rem caught me in a hug that was too tight. Somehow, I didn't escape the squeeze in the end.
"I'm sorry! It's all my fault!" Her voice cracked, and she babbled like a little girl.
"Damn..."
"Don't go! Don't leave me!" Her tears soaked my clothes as she rubbed her face against my chest. "I beg you, stay with me..."
This was bad. My suicide had failed, and I only managed to screw things up further. Ram glared at me.
"I told you not to screw up, and look what you did." She said, holding back her anger.
***
After that, I lost all courage. Without a gun, my chances of dying had become uncertain. Besides, Rem wouldn't let go of me until I promised to give up the idea of suicide.
Ram stayed with her to look after her. She was worried about her mental state, and I'm not going to lie: I was too. Apparently, the scene with the gun had a pretty powerful effect on her.
I would have liked to stay by her side to see how much this event upset her, but Ram's murderous intent was quite persuasive and I had better leave.
"Shit, shit, shit and a thousand times shit."
Not only did I lose the revolver, but I also made things worse with Rem and Ram. The first could be solved by going with Nadir, but the second...
I was devastated. I knew I couldn't dwell on my failures, but my personality was too prone to frustration.
As I walked down the hall, Roswaal's voice squeaked through my ears.
"Oh, Leandro. Are you too busy to visit your convalescing boss?"
I stopped dead in my tracks.
"I don't have the time or the desire for this, but I can't afford to act suspicious."
Reluctantly, I went into the bedroom. Roswaal was still the same: lying on the bed, covered in bandages, clutching the Book of Wisdom to his chest.
"Weeeeell?" He was smiling, seemingly happy to see me. "Don't you want to get comfortable and taaaalk about it? As your Master, I have some insight into how Rem thinks, perhaps I can give you some uuuuseful advice."
"Are you aware of what happened?" I asked, crossing my arms.
"Ram told me about your fight with Garfiel (and what happened afterward). It was unfortunate that you were forced to resort to violence, but this is Garfiel we're talking about, so it's no surprise. Perhaps you coooould have prepared yourself better." He suggested caustically.
"I hate to agree with you, but it's true. I underestimated the brat and didn't consider the girls' possible intervention. But anyway, what's done is done."
As I had agreed with Ram, she would tell Roswaal that my meeting with Garfiel was to negotiate the release of the villagers, since for obvious reasons, the Sanctuary did not have the resources to hold so many hostages.
Under normal circumstances, the residents were already struggling with shortages. Therefore, continuing to hold back the people of Arlam could only end badly. However, Garfiel was very stubborn, and if we add to that the fact that he didn't trust me, he would easily turn against me no matter what I did or said. In fact, that was exactly what happened, but not as Roswaal expected.
"The good news is there shouldn't be any problems getting the villagers out anymore." I said. "So I should make preparations to bring them back in the next few days."
"How long do you think that will take?"
"Two or three days, at most. I'll do it as soon as I can."
Roswaal nodded slowly, cracking a smile.
"Good, good. I wish you luck in your endeavor. Now, that aside, how about we taaaalk about our beloved Rem?"
I didn't like the idea of talking about her with this manipulative bastard, but I was interested to know what he had to say about the matter.
"Sure, enlighten me." I agreed.
His smile widened and he moved his body forward, casting a twisted shadow in the room.
"As you know, Rem is empty inside. This doesn't usually prevent her from living a decent life, but..."
He paused, looking me up and down.
"Her heart needs sustenance. She's incapable of living for herself, so she must live for her loved ones. Her absolute devotion to Ram is a perfect example of this pathology."
"Uh-huh."
"Up until now, everything would fit. But this is where you come in, Leandro. You came into our lives and made a place for yourself in our hearts. That includes Rem, of course."
I was starting to get worried.
"Your presence in Rem's heart grew stronger and stronger, ever greater. And now, you're one of the most important things to her. Consequently, everything you do has a huge impact."
"And that means...?"
"It means you're responsible for Rem now. You knew what would happen if you became close to her, so you should use that influence you have to give her what she needs."
"What does she need?"
Sensing the tinge of desperation in my question, Roswaal chuckled.
"That you take control. You have to become her priority, her reason for being and existing. That way, she'll dedicate herself completely to serving you, and your happiness will be hers."
For the next few moments, there was only silence. The amusement in Roswaal's eyes contrasted with the severity in mine.
"Is that your idea of a solution? To take away Rem's free will? To make her my slave?"
"If you put it that way, anyone would say it's questionable, but I think it's the most convenient option. Anything else would take too much time and effort, which could be better spent."
I forced myself to stay calm. I needed to keep a cool head.
"Better... Yes, I can think of many better things than taking care of the mental health of a loved one." I said sarcastically.
I definitely wasn't planning on screwing up everything I did to get Rem to have emotional independence. However, my recent slips had done no more than that.
I covered my face and let out a moan.
"Everything was going well. Why did I have to make a mistake at the worst possible moment?"
"It's never too late to correct your mistakes, Leandro. You should know that better than anyone in the whole world."
For a moment, I felt like laughing, genuinely. My boss was basically telling me to kill myself. If this were on a Reddit forum, this might be posted as "just another day at the office."
Roswaal took advantage of my silence to emphasize his point.
"When you are willing to make sacrifices, there is no goal that is unattainable."
Now it was my turn to laugh.
"I don't need to get rid of anything. Only a coward without principles would do that."
"Coward, you say?"
"If you have a weak mind, your emotions control you. The coward's way out is to give up almost everything that holds sentimental value to them and thus lessen the emotional burden. On the other hand, a strong person can fight, fall, and get up a thousand times, all while keeping their heart intact. I choose to be strong."
"You want to live this life without giving up anything at all? That's... greedy." Roswaal frowned, his expression showing something akin to anger.
"What can I say? I'm a great sinner."
I stood up, considering it too dangerous to continue the conservation given how much my patience had deteriorated.
"Are you leaving already? What a shame. This conversation was getting interesting."
"We'll have to leave it for another time, Rossie."
When I looked out the window, I noticed it was already nighttime. By now, Emilia should have regained her memories after Puck broke their contract. I headed to her room to check.