The moon falls into the sky and the sun takes it's place.
A night of traveling. A night of tense silence and disapproving glares being flickered across everyone traveling in the small band that Jet leads through the forest. Zuko has slipped three times; Katara five because her knees are still shaking and her arms feel heavy.
Each time she slips, Zuko's hand reaches out to grab onto her shoulder. When he slips, her fingers lace into the sleeve of his shirt because that's the only thing she can reach since she's been distancing herself further and further away from his warmth.
Jet's Freedom Fighters don't look at them except to give them cautious glances. They trust them just as much as Zuko and Katara trust the younger soldiers.
Their leader, however, seems perfectly content with slowing down every once and a while to chat. Mostly with Katara. His nose wrinkles every time he looks at the firebender. That seems fine with Zuko though - he tenses at the other's presence and looks straight ahead with a terse frown. His scar seems to glow, a trick of the eyes, Katara knows.
"So - that etching," Jet asks, his eyebrows dancing and eyes glinting, "got one?"
Katara rolls her eyes. "Look, if you know that all waterbenders have etches, then you already know the answer to that question."
"...So can I see it?"
"No. My tribal customs isn't something for you to gawk at." Katara shoots him a glare. He's handsome - but clueless. "Shouldn't you be leading the group? I'd hate for us to get lost."
Jet looks up at the head of their little line where Smellerbee is hacking through limbs and bushes. "She's got it. She likes the responsibility." Then he looks back down at her. "Besides, I wouldn't let us get lost. Why? Are you worried? Should I stay back here to ease your comfort?"
The smile he gives her makes her skin feel like slime. She sneers, turning away.
"So that bending thing you did - I'm pretty sure I said that Hahn had mentioned it before, right? - what is it?" He asks, sounding somewhat intrigued as he leans closer. This time, his eyes are nothing but curious. "Hahn called it witchcraft."
Zuko tenses at the words. Katara scoffs. "Of course he would. Hahn is threatened by any woman who shows even an ounce of skill in bending."
"Noted."
"And it's not witchcraft. It's...a style of bending that was inspired by the Southern waterbenders. One of my masters developed it in her youth."
"Interesting," he hums and straightens. Katara sneaks a glance over at the firebender a little to her right and sees that his shoulders haven't relaxed any. "So have you used it a lot? On any enemies? Tortured them with their own blood."
That makes her snap her head back around, eyes widening in disbelief because he just went there. Zuko sputters and for some reason, a wave of guilt passes through her that makes her startle.
She has, she reckons. She has used her bending for torture. And one of those tortured was her new ally.
But there's something in Jet's eyes that makes her stop from answering. He's unsettling...eyes too wide, too bright for this kind of topic. And those words - he said them too easily, too greedily, for her to just give him a simple answer and be done with it.
He doesn't want to know for his own curiosity. No, he wants to know for his own pleasure as well. Once upon a time, knowing that she could instill fear in the hearts of her enemies would have made her proud. But now that one of those enemies subjected to her special bending was actually an ally - someone she actually sort of liked - it's different.
So different.
That didn't stop her from using it so casually on Smellerbee though.
Katara tightens her jaw and looks away. Her head hangs and shoulders slack. Jet seems to understand that she's not going to give him his gratification. He huffs, picks up speed, and quickens his pace to match Smellerbee's up ahead.
"Don't beat yourself up over it," Zuko says. She's jolted enough that she actually jumps before she looks at him, surprised that he even commented - and even more so once realizing what he said. "We've all done...horrible things."
Katara wraps her arms around herself, tucking her hands up underneath her elbows and shrugs. Because really - what can she say? That yes, she can feel - but hasn't seen - the huge expanse of scarred skin on her back from Zhao? That she passed out numerous times from the firebender's - Zhao, and even Zuko - interrogations?
Does any of that make it better?
Zuko's jaw is firm when he speaks again. "You told me to never apologize for hurting you one night. You said that things like that happened in war. Well, I'm telling you the same thing now."
She frowns, looking away. She had forgotten about that night. After she had purposefully infuriated him just to see how far she could push him. His guilt afterwards, her anger at his guilt because… it made her feel worse about herself.
"What if I was wrong then. What if we should apologize for the hurt we cause others."
"Even in times of war?"
She nods, slowly. "Even in times of war."
He pauses. Katara stares into Jet's back as he talks over something with Smellerbee. Up ahead, Toph is laughing with one of the boys. A strange group - had they ever apologized to anyone? Did they feel any guilt for obliterating the Fire camp just hours before?
"Then I owe a lot of people an apology. I wouldn't know where to start," Zuko says. "But I guess I could start with you."
The waterbender jerks her head around to look at him. He's staring ahead, but turns to meet her eyes. There's something in them - something true that makes his apology more startling than when he actually said it.
Oh. He's ready. Wants to make this friendship or whatever official between them.
But she's never apologized. And there's far too many things that she would have to apologize for.
She's not sure if she wants to even acknowledge some of her actions, much less hold herself accountable for them. And she doesn't know if she can.
Katara looks away, silent. Like he never spoke. Like he didn't just look at her in a way that made her start to think about all of the horrible things in her life - that his glance almost made her forget them at the same time.
He looks disappointed.
But he doesn't move away.
-/-
"What's the Fire Nation like?" She asks when they take a short break to eat. Katara nibbles on an apple, sitting facing Zuko with her knees almost touching his. Zuko has papaya juice around his mouth and he wipes it away with the back of his sleeve.
"Hot. Our winters are mild, our summers fierce. But the beaches are absolutely beautiful. The building tops shine like gold year round and the markets smell like fruit gardens in the spring." He smiles, picking at the skin of his fruit. "The cities are always busy with people but the countryside...it's so peaceful there."
"The beaches? Is the water warm there?" Katara shifts her torso forward. She's only been to the rocky shores of the Earth Kingdom beaches. She never got a chance to see the Fire Nation's famous white sands and crystalline blue water.
"Yes. You could probably swim in it year round, if you wanted. The sand likes to stick to everything but it's fun." He looks up at her through the shade of his dark hair. "Maybe some day...you might get to see it."
The waterbender straightens, pulls her knees to the side so that they're closer to the rock she's perched on. "No, I - I don't think I'll ever get that chance. Not unless...I'm part of an invasion or something. But that probably won't happen." She shakes her head, braid flopping on her shoulder, and takes a bite to distract herself.
"Why not? I admit, I'm not fond of the idea of you storming my homeland, but why wouldn't they include you in the invasion force? The Southerns do not exactly have their pick of waterbenders."
"When we joined with the Northerners a few years ago, some of their practices became ours," Katara explains and now it's her turn to pick at her apple skin. "I do strictly border protection. Some small skirmishes every now and then but the Northerners - they don't like female soldiers. Don't trust them."
"The Fire Nation prides itself on having female firebending soldiers."
She laughs weakly. Ironic because that used to be the only thing she liked about the Fire Nation. Wait - what?
"My father didn't want me fighting anyway. I'm also the only chance they have at preserving the Southern bending arts. Hama - she's old now. Someone will need to teach new benders of the Southern Style so that our heritage doesn't get lost."
"And you're the only one." It's not a question - his tone is flat. But she nods anyway, looking up at him while she does it to remind him that it is the Fire Nation's fault that she's almost alone. The Last of the Southern Benders until the war somehow ends and babies can be born.
He frowns again. Tight and tense and throws what's left of his papaya on the ground.
"Alright - let's go." Smellerbee comes over to where they sit, hand poised on top of her sword and eyes narrowed. Katara wonders if they're always like that, or if they just do that when she's around them.
The waterbender stands, tossing her apple core to the side and picks up the sack at her feet. The shorter girl makes a point to brush the sharp edge of her shoulder against her chest when she passes, a scowl sent her way and Katara thinks that they better get to Hahn soon. She doesn't know if she can sit by patiently with this girl any longer.
"How much longer until we get to the port?" Katara asks Jet when they set out on their way. The young man with the hooked swords turns, walking backwards next to Smellerbee and shrugs his shoulders.
"About a day. Not too long now. We'll camp tonight and be there by midday tomorrow." He flicks his wrists in circles, swords arcing and he looks over Katara's shoulder where Zuko is. "Ready to meet up with the rebels, firebender? Have to say I'm pretty interested in seeing how they react to you."
Zuko's silence speaks for itself.
Katara stiffens but she doesn't say anything. Zuko can fight his own battles, if he wishes. But the words twist at her gut and she sends their leader a glare. He smirks at her in return before flipping back forward and walking on.
"How do we always manage to come across such fine company?" Zuko whispers.
"Must be you." She glances over her shoulder at him, smiling because he's smiling at her.
"No," he comes up beside her, "I'm pretty sure it has to be you. That earthbender boy - "
"Haru," she corrects.
"Haru," he amends. "The commander, and now him." Zuko nods at Jet's back.
"Like I said, must be you. I didn't come across such fine company until you came along. We tribespeople pride ourselves on being wonderful company."
They're joking. They're walking in a jungle - towards an uncertain firebender's future - and they're joking.
Katara thinks that their...friendship? alliance? is probably the strangest thing that has happened in this entire war.
She clears her throat and looks away. A repeat of their conversation yesterday. Zuko seems to get the picture and looks away, too. A few steps later and he falls back behind her again.
When she checks back at their leader again, he's watching her. And his eyes - they're something in them that make her stomach curl. Whenever she catches Zuko looking at her, her stomach does that twist thing, too.
Except...it feels a whole lot better when it's Zuko. She doesn't mind it nearly as much. Likes it, even, which is strange. She's never liked people looking at her. It always feels like they're judging her, as if picking her apart from the outside in by starting with her skin.
But when Zuko looks at her - well...she's not sure what he's doing. And to be honest, she really doesn't care.
She isn't as bothered with his stare as she should be.
When the sun falls again, Katara's legs are weak and she desperately needs a bath. She excuses herself from the group, pocketing the little bit of soap that still remains in their bag and darts through the trees toward the river.
She waits to strip off the tunic and leggings until she's in the water, tossing the soggy clothes on the grassy bank before submerging into the water completely.
It's the first time since she's bathed in a while so she takes her time. When finished with the soap, she throws it on top of her clothes and just sits in the water. Her element washes over her skin and she sighs, letting her eyes droop close and her shoulders to slide into a slack.
This is what she has needed - this. Just lying back, feeling and not thinking about anything other than the water around her skin, her hair free from it's braid and hanging around her shoulders, face bare to the moon.
There's nothing. No Fire Nation, no war, no Freedom Fighters, no bending, no firebender - no feelings, no confusion… no Zuko.
Zuko. It's strange, thinking about him. When she first met him on the ship when she was with Zhao, she hated him because of who he was. She hated him for a while - or did she?
She kept telling herself to hate him...but did she really?
Whichever the answer to that was, she doesn't hate him now that's for sure.
And even not hating the firebender is weird. Because he's with the Fire while she's with the Water. And now he's so messed up with his father and Zhao and his apparent death that she doesn't think she could ever truly hate him like she did before again.
They've been through so much. So damn much. And he's changed...has she? Probably. Will Sokka and her father recognize her when she gets back? Sangok? Hama and Pakku?
Will she recognize herself?
With Lee, Iroh, Zuko, and even the commander from the Fire Camps, Katara isn't sure what to believe anymore. They were all...decent. Lee and Iroh even kind when they didn't have to be. It went against everything - everything she had ever known and thought.
And now she was allies with Zuko. Maybe even...friends even though she tried so hard not to be. They even joked with each other, laughed.
The time in the forest with Zuko before he ultimately betrayed her - let her walk right into a Fire Camp - may have changed her more than she thinks. How many times did she catch herself letting go? Smiling at him and him smiling at her - conversations that led to more truths and pain than anything?
Everything was so raw and real with him. It hurt, thinking about it. Like heated sand on her skin that she can feel.
She's so...so confused because according to everything that she's grown up by, they shouldn't even be civil to one another - shouldn't even be able to. But they are. And for some reason, she doesn't regret that.
She doesn't regret the few weeks she's spent with him. All the pain, all the hurt - everything. She doesn't regret any of it.
And for some reason, that makes her heart hang heavy and flutter lightly in her chest. Spirits, she's so confused right now.
Katara sits back on the sand, her waist and feet in the water and her knees pulled up to her chest. She rubs her face with her hand because dammit - she doesn't know what's going on and she can't figure it out.
Regretting everything - or not being so fond? of Zuko would make everything so much easier.
"Thinking, Sweetcakes?" Katara whirls around, one hand across her chest to cover herself and the other raised, posing for strike because someone was spying on her and they were going to regret it.
Wide leaves shift. The blind earthbender emerges, as quiet as the water that's settling back down around her. Katara pauses, then lowers her arm. Toph doesn't seem like she's looking for a fight…
The earthbender strips down as well, Katara turns away even though the girl doesn't seem to be modest at all. Then, there's a bunch of splashes and the girl plops down beside her, sighing as she digs her toes into the sand.
"Mind if I join you?" She asks, blinking her milky, pale blue eyes at the waterbender.
"I guess not."
"It's not good to go off by yourself." Toph reaches up and pulls her dark hair out of the bun. It's short, gracing the tops of her shoulders in a jagged cut.
"Why? I can take care of myself. And Jet said that there weren't any Fire Camps nearby."
Toph snorts. "It's not firebenders I'm worried about - not even the one you're carrying around."
"Then what?" Katara lifts a brow - what's the girl getting at?
She sighs. "Look, Jet's a swell guy and all but...he's...not exactly all there. I don't think he'd try anything because of that stunt you pulled with Smellerbee back at the Camp, but he's not above scaring you a bit. Dude has issues."
"Trust me, it'd take a lot more than him to scare me."
"Don't doubt it. Heard they found you in a cage at the Camp and before that, you were on Zhao's ship. Now I've heard some stories about him." Toph kicks her head back, stares up at the moon - except, she can't see it...right? - and huffs out a breath. "But I'm just saying. Watch out for him. And watch your little pet. Jet hates firebenders."
"He's not my pet," Katara says. "He's - he's...an ally."
"Just an ally?"
Katara responds by not responding to that. "If you don't trust Jet, why are you still with him?"
The earthbender shrugs and leans back on her palms. "Better than living with my family. I've always wanted to do something - anything. Jet's Fighters gave me that chance to be more. I have too much energy to sit at home, too much power than to simply become someone's wife."
"But you don't trust him."
"Do you trust everyone you fight alongside with? And I mean everyone."
Katara shifts. "I...guess not."
"Hahn talked about your special bending before. Said you learned how to be a witch from an older witch."
"Witch." She shakes her head. "Hahn's never liked me. He really didn't like me after I learned how to bloodbend."
"Yeah, he's not overly fond of me either. I think he just has a thing against women. Must be a Northern Tribe thing. But - anyway - he said that you were only allowed to use it in...certain situations."
Katara tenses. "Yes. That part is true."
"Sick. And not in a good way. Your bending is your bending - you should use it when you want to, not when you're told to."
She doesn't reply. Doesn't know how to reply. Can she reply to that? Would she be betraying her people if she admits that she agrees with Toph?
Then it clicks. Haru - her conversation with him and Zuko when they first met about bending and control and obedience. How forcing someone to give up bending was like taking a part of themselves - made them fit something that they weren't.
What if what the Water Tribe made her do...was the same thing as what the Fire Nation was making the earthbenders do… Just a bit reversed.
Her stomach clenches and the earthbender frowns, like she can pick up on the fact that Katara's heart hurts when it pounds in her chest.
She's been so unfair to Zuko this entire time - blaming him for what the Fire Nation does to others when her own people aren't that much different.
"Does he know yet? Your firebender friend. Does he...know?"
The waterbender rests her chin on her knees. "No."
And she doesn't want him to know. Ever.
Katara doesn't even want to think about it herself.
Toph murmurs something that she doesn't catch. Katara shifts her legs around, sliding them back down underwater. Her fingers slide over the bottom of the river, running over the smooth stones. The two listen to the cricketcadas.
"It's not going to work out, you know. He's a firebender. Your tribespeople - they're not going to trust him no matter how hard you try."
Katara finds a loose one. She plucks it up, clutches it in her hands tightly. "I still have to try. For his sake."
The blind earthbender looks over at her. For a moment, Katara thinks that the girl really can see - not see see, but see beneath her skin. Underneath everything that protects her from the outside world, just like she can do when she bloodbends.
It scares her more than anything, knowing this blind girl isn't really blind. Her visions are just different.
"You should try for both your sakes."
The walk back to camp isn't pleasant. There's too much on her mind and there's no will to think about it. Too much thinking - before, she blamed all of her problems on the Fire Nation and firebenders; but now she can blame it all on thinking.
She comes up to the camp, a low-burning fire in the middle and all of Jet's crew wrapped around it. They're loud - chatty and she's reminded of how young they all look in the light.
Toph doesn't join them, she notices. The earthbender walks around the camp, grabs an apple from the Duke's hand and goes over to the edge of the light where Zuko is perched on a stump. He glances up and his eyes watch as the small figure hops up beside him just like she had with Katara.
The firebender responds to something Toph says. Then, he looks up and his eyes lock on hers. Her stomach does that twist thing.
When had she gotten so comfortable with him?
Her fingers tighten on the sash she's tying around her waist to clench in the clean tunic. He hasn't looked away yet.
"You two make a fine pair," Jet says from behind her. She jumps, swings around and her elbow hits his chest because he's so close to her. His mouth is flat, just like his eyes; and he looks over her shoulder at Zuko.
She blushes and steps back to put some air between them. "It's not like that."
Jet hums and crosses his arms over his chest. His hook swords dangle from his waist. "Your hair is wet."
Okay. She'll talk about her wet hair to get his mind off the firebender and, well, her. Them. Together. Oh. "That would be because I just washed it."
"Oh, really? Must be hard washing all that hair." He reaches an arm out and takes a damp, curly strand in between his long fingers, twisting it around.
"It's...not the most pleasant thing, no," she admits and gently pushes his hand away. Only Hama could ever play with her hair. "But it feels better afterward."
"Well - I would have helped. I bet it wouldn't be more pleasant if you had two extra sets of hands."
He flashes her a smile. Was he - was he flirting with her?
"If only I had known," she says, voice dripping with sarcasm and the smile fades from his lips. "Jet, I appreciate what you're doing for me and for my people - really, I do. But I am uncomfortable with your lewd insinuations."
"Too good for someone from the Earth Kingdom?" He bites, shoulders broadening.
Katara takes a step back. "That's not it at all. But at the moment, there are many things I have to be worried about. Getting involved with someone is just going to be a...distraction and I can't afford that. So if you would lay off, I'd appreciate it a lot."
Jet scoffs. He shakes his head and chuckles at something that Katara doesn't find amusing. "Hahn said you were as cold as your ice. Frigid. I just thought that spending time with the firebender alone might have warmed you up a bit."
"Excuse me?"
"I think we both know what's going on here. I just can't believe you let some firebender touch you. Just wait until your tribesmen figure it out."
Why was everyone assuming that she and Zuko were...were...together like that?
This time, Katara doesn't step back, she gets closer, right up to him with her finger shoving into his chest. "Listen here, Jet. Just because I told you to back off doesn't mean that you can jump to insane conclusions. And even if your little fantasies about me and the firebender were true, they'd be none of your damn business."
"I have as much stake in this rebellion as you do. You're risking so much by letting yourself be fucked by and over by him."
"There isn't any fucking around or on. Your bruised ego doesn't warrant that kind of accusation. Now - if you'll excuse me."
Katara turns to walk away but halts when Jet actually grabs her, pulling her back so that she's facing him again, elbow up against his chest and upper arm in his grip.
"You're not smart, are you? Do you have any idea what Hahn will do to you? To the firebender? And what do you think you're going to do? They're not going to listen to someone they don't even respect."
Katara narrows her eyes. "If you were smart then you'd know not to touch me. Let me go, Jet. Before I make you."
"Just like you made all those others, right? I know. I know everything."
"Then you know not to grab or threaten me." Katara yanks her arm away, glowering. "Don't ever do that again. Keep your hands off of me and the firebender or I swear you'll regret it."
"So it's you and him, eh? Hahn and the other Northerners - they'll love that." But he steps back. Gets away from her and closer to the forest where he was keeping watch. Katara keeps her glare on him. "Looking forward to your reunion."
The waterbender's fingers itch, clawing at her sides because she wants nothing more than to reach out and grab a hold of his blood. She wants to see it - feel him under her control so that she can show him what she can do. So that he'll know for sure that she isn't to be messed with.
She won't back down from him. Won't be swayed by his glares, or his words, or his grip. She's no coward and she'll prove that to him if she needs to.
What would his face look like if she did reach out to grab his blood - his heart? Would it contort in fear? Would his eyes be delighted, taking sick pleasure in being completely helpless? The pain that comes with it - would he scream out loud? Give her the satisfaction of knowing that she was hurting him?
What would his blood feel like in her hands?
There's ice on her tongue and steel in her heart. If she were to freeze Jet, she'd make her ice so cold it would burn his flesh.
Katara turns and marches away, boots heavy because she wants to show Jet that he doesn't scare her at all.
Smellerbee looks up at her when she walks past. The smaller girl rises and Katara tries to show all the anger she feels on her face so that the girl will back down but she doesn't. She crosses her arms over her chest, gives her a glare.
"Mad that Jet isn't on your side anymore?" She asks, a haughtiness in her voice that makes Katara's spine prickle. "I don't know what you did back in that tent at the camp. But let me just say that if you do it again - "
The waterbender steps forward. Her hands want to claw at the girls skin and she wants to freeze her heart from the outside in. Smellerbee quietens and Katara smiles when the girl's eyes widen for a fraction of a second.
"Think you could take me? What you felt back there - that was nothing. I'm sure you've heard the stories. Witch - that's what they call me. Want to test that name out a little?"
"You are a witch."
"I've always hated that name. But now, I'm thinking that I might have to start living up to it." She leans forward - Smellerbee leans back - the Duke nearby moves his hand to his blade and Katara catches herself. The waterbender blinks. What?
She straightens back up. On the rock, Zuko stands and he's looking at her in a way that makes her stare. He looks...afraid, almost. Of her?
Katara sighs and looks away from the firebender to Smellerbee. "I want to get away from you just as much as you want to get away from me. So how about you stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours."
She doesn't even wait for an answer. She steps around the girl, glances back at Zuko and decides that she does not want to talk to him or the earthbender.
No. Right now she just needs - just needs...a time for herself. To calm down. To figure out why she just sounded...so wrong. The words came out before she even had time to think and she isn't sure why she said it all the way she did.
Katara risks another glance at the firebender as she heads towards the trees. He takes a step towards her but Toph grabs his arm before he can follow her. Grateful, she ducks into the dark and keeps going - towards her moon and away from the fire.
She doesn't want to feel the warmth anyway. Not from the fire or from the firebender himself.