WARNING:
-This chapter has some topics some viewers may find disturbing, please proceed with caution.
Kurai sat helplessly on her bed with her once porecelain skin that was now pale, but it was her anxiety that was killing her inside, and her dark circles made her eyes look heavier than her thoughts.
She was trapped in a dark place that one may call their mind and this dark place of hers was enough to convince her that she was cursed with a beating heart. But at that very moment Kurai wasn't quite sure if her mind was her own.
Just a short while ago, her mother and father were celebrating the success of her younger sister, Teruna, who got into Kinsorei High, one of the most prestigious schools in Japan.
Rumors has it that the school's strict disciplinary committee had been known to cover up scandals to protect the school's reputation.
Now Teruna was the complete opposite of Kurai. Teruna got along with others which made her very likeable with her friends and took after their mother's beauty and intelligence, which one may find ironic since Kurai was the first born and one would expect Teruna to be the one collecting the scraps of their mother.
But instead, the only thing Kurai would be grasping onto was the idea of her demise.
However, her suffering was only a mere entertainment to herself. After all, she always thought of ending it all but death was rather frightening to her but one of her biggest fears was having her existence erased from everyone's mind.
Not even a trace left behind.
There was a time she cried herself to sleep and accepted death as it was but that would only please whatever sick monsters that hid in that hell of a house they dwelled in. And she had no plans of giving those monsters the satisfaction they wanted.
She pulled her pillow over her face and cried her heart out to God.
"One minute I want to die next minute I want to live, its too daunting!"
Kurai cried out loud, for the thousandth time.
Time really does go by quickly and life is a delicate as a spider lily. But the spider lily, with its crimson tendrils stretch like delicate flames, blooming alone to maintain it's beauty.
Under pressure, it's petals curl tighter as if it's trying to hold itself together before it falls apart.
It's beautiful red hue begins to dull, bleeding into bruised tones of maroon.
But even in pain, it refuses to drop its petals and holds on, stubbornly, like a girl who has no intention of being forgotten, and would do anything just to forever be seen.
And Kurai, was no different from a spider lily.
Having to juggle beauty, grades and a stable mental health when it all came down to being perfect for the beholder of beauty all seemed foolish.
Kurai preferred to be single and gloomy than experience heartbreak in the middle of July all for the sake of guys.
It was only last month she finally got out of that hell grownups call a school but now she's got bigger problems to face.
The real world.
For girls like Kurai, the real world can be a scary place. Stalkers, unrealistic beauty standards and toxic relationships. So it made her wonder.
What was the purpose of her living? After all, life wasn't only about stripping your life away from some job or having to attend to a husband.
So it certainly had to have some purpose...right?
But although she was depressed, she still tried her best to make it in life.
Really she did.
She would stay up late at night sketching in her journal, sometimes using a popular apps that artists use for inspiration, Pinception, to guide her along the way, hoping to be an artist her audience could relate to but eventually...it was all in vain.
Even after pursuing her passion for art, nothing went as she had expected.
Had she not deserved to be loved in any way?
The sad truth was, Kurai's family cherished Kurai even though she wasn't the shinniest jewel in the family.
When it came to things like coding, art and martial arts, her little accent would flow from the tip of her tongue.
However, Kurai's book smarts and emotions often clash together to the point she would get labels like "retarded" and "foolish".
Her puffy eyes from crying began to itch.
"Why was I even born?"
The blue light from her phone ascended onto her eyes.
"Ugh.."
Kurai's amethyst eyes twitched as she glared at a notification from Teruna.
"Kuu are you okay? You haven't been answering my calls."
Not only did Teruna's sweet gesture irritate Kurai, but she believed it to be some form of mockery towards her and Kurai wasn't interested.
"Oh Teru! Everything's ok deary, I've been reading this webnovel and it's just too good :3 ."
Her stubborn attitude had been of no help for her since she finished Highschool, and instead it would only backfire with her mother constantly scolding her for her tone and messy bedroom.
But after highschool...Kurai began to see how disgusting it is to be associated with human beings.
At that moment, the purpose of her future was clear: work until you drop, and she was another speck in society's soul less eyes.
It was a shame she didn't put on a show during Covid-19 on TikTok then perhaps she wouldn't have felt so alone and actually have a way of gaining income but that time had come and it had gone.
"I can't just sit here mourning the loss of my youth days, it has no use."
Kurai hopped off her bed and unlocked her bedroom door and was greeted with Teruna's beaming face.
"Sissy!"
Without hesitation, Teruna embraced Kurai into a bear hug.
"EEEEE aren't you excited? I'm the first in the family to attend Kinsorei High!" Teruna squealed.
"How wonderful," Kurai replied sarcastically.
Just being in Teruna's presence was enough to provoke her but she didn't flinch when Teruna wrapped her arms around her.
"Move." she hissed, but Teruna refused to let go.
A second passed by. Maybe two.
Then Kurai pushed her aside.
Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to ruin the adorable moment in half.
"You think you're so special just because you got into a prestigious school? Rubbish." She snapped.
Teruna sheepishly nodded and smiled and it only made a wave of guiltiness wash over Kurai but she turned away without another word, walked straight to the kitchen, and opened the fridge.
In the kitchen, Kurai popped open a jar of guava jam and smeared slowly across a slice of bread.
Stomp! stomp!
"Kurai! Why the hell are you treating your own sister this way?" Mr. Tsukikage grumbled as Teruna held onto his arm with dear life while her mother just watched Kurai with disgust.
"I expected better from you Kurai. First ignoring your sister and now being rude to her. This is unacceptable young lady." Mrs. Tsukikage added.
"My bad." Kurai sighed, trying her hardest to not roll her eyes and risk getting slapped by her mother.
"Apologize and give her a hug now!" Mr. Tsukikage demanded.
"Sure," Kurai said through gritted teeth and opened her arms to hug Teruna.
Teruna crossed her arms, unable to stand Kurai's absurd behaviour. Then Teruna sneered.
"Kuu, let's play on the Nintendo!"
Teruna always had a childish mindset that prevented her from reading the room. Kurai at that very moment was questioning Teruna's intelligence and if their parents had bribed the principal into admitting their daughter.
Kurai used to be alot like Teruna too. After all, she was five years older than Teruna and had always hung around her so Kurai got used to spending time with Teruna and meeting her friends.
However, this decision usually comes with a price; it was impossible for her to fit in with the children within her age group.
They would call her cringe, a curse and worst of all...
"If I looked like you, I'd kill myself."
Kurai was known as her parents little sweetheart that hovered over Teruna but it's funny how the opinions others have of us shape which lens we view ourselves in.
The people she once thought enjoyed her company, switched up on her.
"You smile way too much, it's creepy."
"She's the reason weird things happen at school."
"Ugh...it's the schizophrenic freak again."
Fortunately for Kurai, there was still some hope she could cling onto, her loyal online friends. Some she met from her online lessons, one from her old Highschool and just some others she met through her friends so she technically wasn't alone in the physical sense but emotional sense.
Due to her past experiences with people, she learnt that everyone has struggles too and if she burdened them with her problems, she would be hurting them too, and that was the last thing she wanted to do.
And as years went by, her childish banter transformed into an emotional and stubborn girl who had been looked down from her generations to come.
But right now, dancing along with "nostalgia" wasn't the wisest. Her parents stood there in fury and Kurai knew once they began, there would be no room for peace.
"Fine. But I want to play Smash Bros." Kurai said.
"Oki!" Teruna exclaimed.
Everything felt meaningless. Her entire life was flashing before her eyes. In a month, the results for her exams were going to be out and being near Teruna felt like torture.
Teruna grabbed Kurai's hand and they headed to the living room to set up the game on the television.
After about twenty minutes, Kurai whooped Teruna's butt in Smash Bros.
"No fair!" Teruna whined.
"Sucks to suck," Kurai snorted, sticking up her fingers to form the L.
"Shut up!" Teruna groaned.
What seemed to be a beautiful little reunion between two sisters was shortly interrupted by the theme sound of 'Glitter Force Doki Doki' filling their eardrums.
Just like the instinct of any twelve year old , Teruna dropped her controller onto the couch and dashed to her bedroom for her phone.
"Yeah Airi, all that hard work paid off and now I'm going to one of the top schools in Japan!"
"Um Teru we're in the middle of a game though."
"Sorry Kuu we'll play later I'm on the phone with Airi right now."
"Oh right we'll play later then-"
And before Kurai knew it, she was alone.
Again.