Chapter 13: fear
Elliot was unraveling.
He told himself he wasn't. He still wore the tailored suits. Still held court in the conference room like a king behind glass. Still kissed Julian like he owned every inch of him.
But it wasn't control anymore.
It was fear.
It haunted him in the quiet moments — the way Julian laughed too easily, moved too freely, spoke too warmly to anyone not him.
He hated it.
He hated himself for hating it.
So he did what he always did when he felt something he couldn't name.
He turned it into dominance.
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Friday night. Julian arrived late.
Only fifteen minutes, but it was enough.
Elliot didn't greet him. Didn't speak. He took him to the bedroom, eyes cold, rope already waiting on the bed.
"Strip. Kneel. Don't speak unless I say."
Julian blinked. "Elliot—"
"Now."
Julian hesitated.
Something felt different.
But he obeyed.
Elliot tied him roughly — wrists behind his back, chest pressed against the bed, legs spread wide.
Julian exhaled shakily. "Color is still green, but… talk to me."
Elliot didn't answer. He moved behind him. Pushed into him without the usual patience. No preparation. No pause.
It wasn't careless. But it wasn't gentle.
Each thrust was a punishment. Each grip left bruises. He didn't say "mine." Didn't whisper sweet things.
Just took.
Julian bit his lip to keep from crying out. Not from pain. From confusion. From the hollow echo of being treated like less than what they'd built.
When it was over, Elliot untied him in silence.
Julian curled away from him, chest rising and falling too fast.
"Was that supposed to prove something?" he whispered, voice cracking. "That I belong to you? Or that you don't trust me?"
Elliot said nothing.
Julian sat up, naked and shaking. "You think I've been with someone else?"
Still nothing.
Julian's voice rose. "You think I'd let anyone else touch me like that? You think I'd give this to someone who doesn't know me down to my goddamn bones?"
Elliot flinched. Just barely. But he didn't move.
Tears welled in Julian's eyes. "You hurt me tonight, Elliot. Not the way I asked for. Not the way I craved. You punished me for your own fears — and then didn't even look at me after."
Elliot finally turned. But his voice was still locked behind the wall he'd built for himself.
"I don't know how to trust what I love."
Julian stood, slowly, grabbing his clothes. "Then maybe you shouldn't have asked me to give you everything."
"Julian—"
"No," Julian cut in. "I begged you to believe me. I gave you my trust. My submission. You made me feel safe. And then tonight, you took that away just to feel powerful."
He pulled on his shirt, barely buttoned.
"I love you, Elliot. But I won't be your outlet for fear. I won't be the thing you break because you're too scared I'll leave."
He looked back one last time.
And left.
The door clicked shut behind him — soft, final.
Elliot stood in the quiet, Julian's scent still on the sheets, the rope still warm from skin.
And for the first time in years…
He felt completely alone.