"It's so tight it could turn a person into a cream puff!"
Deadpool groaned dramatically. "By the time it spit me out onto the streets of New York, my two nuts were as tired as if they'd been fighting for three days and three nights. But it doesn't matter, when I saw you guys, they fully revived. You don't have to worry about my stamina!"
He patted his lower back for emphasis.
Even the Spider-Men, who had been trying their best to minimize their presence, couldn't help reacting.
"Who cares about your stamina!" one of them snapped.
"I've had enough! Don't stop me, I'm going to stick this guy to the wall and scrub his mouth with disinfectant!"
"Wait," Holland-Spiderman suddenly spoke up, his eyes on the device in Deadpool's hand. "That tablet can travel through worlds, right? We can go back to our own universes!"
The reminder lit up hope in every Spider-Man.
They exchanged quick glances, then turned their gaze toward Deadpool.
Deadpool leaned casually against the wall, twirling the Time Tablet in one hand. "Do you want to go home? Deadpool always tucks every little Peter into bed safely at night."
"Hand it over!"
Before he could finish listing his ridiculous conditions, five Spider-Men leapt into action. Webbing flew through the air as they attacked Deadpool, surrounding him the way they had Morlun earlier.
Deadpool's eyes widened. "No! It's my first time, you can't be so rough! It has to start with a gentle kiss!"
He darted around the ruined collider, slipping through their webs while spouting more nonsense. "Wait, didn't I say it wasn't my first time?"
"Make up your mind!" one of the Spider-Men grunted, missing a kick as Deadpool slid past.
Deadpool slapped a hand over his mouth in mock horror. "Damn it, I let it slip! Doesn't matter, today can still be my first time, as rich as cheese sauce sprayed with butter!"
The chaotic chase filled the laboratory. Webs streaked through the air, shouts echoing off the cracked walls. Eventually, Deadpool found himself plastered to the wall under a pile of sticky threads.
Holland-Spiderman sealed his mouth with another wad of webbing, then snatched the Time Tablet from his grasp.
"Is this TVA equipment? Doesn't look very advanced," he muttered, scrolling through the interface.
Garfield-Spiderman leaned in. "It can travel through worlds, and you're calling it outdated?"
"I mean its appearance," Holland-Spider clarified. "Looks like an old-school touchscreen phone." He tapped at the options. "Let's see, back button here… timeline directory… whoa, so many universes!"
The screen displayed strings of codes: Sacred Timeline branches, the MCU-616 series, the Variant 10005 universe where Deadpool came from.
"Alright, let me try… retrieve, confirm, open Space-Time Gate!" Holland-Spiderman pressed the commands, expecting a glowing portal to appear.
But nothing happened. Only dust and particles drifted in the air.
"Did you press confirm?" Garfield-Spiderman asked.
"I pressed it," Holland-Spiderman insisted, tapping repeatedly. He even smacked the screen, but still no response.
"Maybe it needs a password?" Garfield-Spiderman suggested, trying his own hand at it. The others took turns, but after a while they had to face the truth.
"This thing's broken," one concluded. "Or Deadpool stole a fake."
"Impossible!" Deadpool suddenly slipped free, hugging Garfield-Spiderman and Toby-Spiderman around the waist as though nothing had happened. He snatched the tablet back. "I just used it to find Wolverine—the one British fans called the most disappointing Wolverine."
He tapped eagerly at the screen. "There! Got it!"
Nothing.
The silence in the lab was deafening. The Spiders stared at him, unimpressed.
"It must be my steps," Deadpool insisted, poking faster, growing frantic. Finally, he lifted the tablet high, shrugged, and tossed it over his shoulder.
"What was I saying again? Oh right—whose bed am I sleeping in tonight? Garfield, I like Garfield the most. Unless… we all pile in together!"
The Spider-Men stood there in dead silence, their patience evaporating.
"I think," one said coldly, "you should sleep on these collider remains tonight."
Deadpool gasped theatrically. "They're freezing! They'll turn my Deadpool sword into an icicle. You wouldn't be that cruel, would you?"
He took a step back. They all stepped forward.
Deadpool bolted, and the chase erupted again. Webs flew, voices shouted, debris clattered across the floor.
In the middle of the chaos, Malrick quietly held Little Peter and retrieved the discarded tablet.
"Time technology from Kang the Conqueror?" he murmured.
He studied the device, his sharp eyes scanning each detail. Within moments he understood its mechanism—technology designed to manipulate the laws of time and space.
Placing Little Peter down, Malrick quickly dismantled the tablet. His knowledge of dimensional laws and advanced tech made the process smooth.
As Deadpool yelped under a coordinated Spider-kick, Malrick pieced together the inner workings. When Deadpool was buried under a mountain of webbing, Malrick had already finished the analysis.
He began to reassemble and modify the device. The pieces clicked into place, enhanced by his insights.
At the exact moment Deadpool was tied like a mummy and dragged toward the corner, Malrick pressed confirm.
A shimmering Space-Time Gate blossomed open, its swirling light revealing the way back to his universe.
____
Updates might come a bit slower for a while.School resumed, My final year has started, and I'm currently focused on my project work and defense preparations. I'll still be posting whenever I can, just at a steadier pace for now (ㆁωㆁ)