Location: Earth-616 (Mainline)
Time: 68:13:45 until Multiversal Collapse
Peter didn't expect to land in front of the Daily Bugle building.
Mostly because he didn't land at all.
He crashed into a spinning Jumbotron playing a "Live BugleNews Now" broadcast about an alien squirrel uprising in the Bronx.
Deadpool slid in after him, coated in nacho cheese.
Miguel fell last, muttering in Spanish and swearing at his chrono-teleporter.
Billy landed perfectly and headbutted a parking meter for no clear reason.
It was a Tuesday.
Peter stared up at the Daily Bugle's façade, sighing.
"Why is it always here?"
Miguel answered, "Anchor point. The Bugle has published across 1,278 multiversal realities. It's basically an information constant."
Deadpool squinted at the revolving door.
"And you're saying behind those doors is a cosmic daycare?"
Miguel sighed. "No. I'm saying beneath it is a hidden child-containment facility for unstable timeline anomalies… disguised as a daycare."
Peter blinked. "So… yes?"
Deadpool grinned. "FIELD TRIP."
Inside the Daily Bugle:
They took the elevator to sub-basement ∞.
The doors opened to a room painted in soft blue hues.
A receptionist with no mouth handed them a clipboard labeled:
"Visitor Log – Department of Forgotten Continuities"
The hallway beyond was lined with posters of comic arcs that never saw print:
Spider-Man: Dance Academy
Aunt May – Secret Skrull Agent
Mysterio's Cooking Show
Baby Green Goblin: Born to Glider
Peter stopped in front of one glass wall and stared.
Inside, sitting quietly in a padded room surrounded by crayons, was—
"Wait… is that—?"
Introducing:
Baby Goblin.
(Yes, really.)
Wearing a tiny purple hoodie.
A plastic glider in one hand.
A pacifier shaped like a pumpkin bomb.
Deadpool whispered, "That's either the cutest threat to global security I've ever seen, or my future adopted son."
Peter shivered. "That's Norman Osborn. Age… twenty-two months?"
Miguel tapped the glass. "Project Codename: Lil' Legacy. Genetic attempt to reboot Osborn from scratch. Failed. Too unstable. But too canon-adjacent to erase."
Inside, Baby Goblin slowly rotated his head toward them.
Smiled.
And threw the pacifier.
It exploded.
ALERT STATUS: BREACH
The hallway lights went red.
Security klaxons blared.
Deadpool whooped. "YES! Baby boss battle!"
Peter shouted, "What the hell kind of facility is this?!"
Miguel: "A daycare for narrative mistakes. RUN."
The Chase Begins
Baby Goblin escaped.
On his glider.
Leaving a trail of explosive teething rings.
Peter dodged one, spun midair, and webbed a ceiling pipe.
Deadpool chased on a stolen tricycle.
Billy launched himself off a janitor cart.
Miguel tried to activate temporal restraints — and failed, because Baby Goblin hacked them using only Fisher-Price buttons.
They turned a corner and entered:
Room 3B: Forgotten Sidekicks.
It was full of kids.
All with powers.
All vaguely resembling Peter's old outfits.
"Who are you?" Peter asked.
One kid raised his hand.
"I'm Spider-Kid Supreme. You left me in issue #Zero_Beta. You said you'd be right back."
Peter winced.
Another shouted, "You let my arc end in a backup story!"
A girl in web armor growled, "You let them say I didn't test well with readers."
Peter. Stops. Running.
He turns.
Raises his hands.
"I'm sorry. I didn't forget you. The story did."
Silence.
Miguel caught up, panting. "We don't have time—"
Peter: "They deserve to be remembered."
He pulls the Hyperquill from his side.
Begins writing.
Not an attack.
A credit.
He gives each kid a name.
A home.
A purpose.
Deadpool raises an eyebrow. "You're drafting a redemption arc for rejected side characters?"
Peter nods. "They're not mistakes. They're chapters."
And with that—
The entire hallway stabilizes.
Baby Goblin bursts back in, this time with a modified stroller that launches pumpkin cookies.
He aims.
Peter steps forward.
"No more running. You're not my enemy. You're unfinished."
Baby Goblin pauses.
Drools.
And floats down.
He toddles over.
Holds up a drawing.
It's crude, but clear:
Peter. Deadpool. Billy. Miguel.
And him.
Under it, in crayon:
"Can I come too?"
Peter kneels.
"You already did."
Later, Above Ground:
They emerge from the Bugle's elevator.
Jonah is yelling on the phone.
"SOMEONE PUT A BABY ON A GLIDER AGAIN?! WHY IS THIS ALWAYS SPIDER-MAN'S FAULT?"
Peter: "Let's go before he sees us."
Deadpool holds Baby Goblin in a papoose. "He's learning swears from me already."
Billy bleats and explodes a payphone.
Miguel checks the timer.
68:00:00 remaining.
He looks at Peter. "You made new allies today."
Peter smiles. "No. I remembered old ones."