"Queen Seolene?!!" I said, flabbergasted.
She looked beautiful, in a flowy dress and long brown hair that reached her waist.
More than a queen, she looked like a high priestess right now.
I mean, even I could see she was stunning.
I scrambled up. I had no idea what was happening but… I seemed to be able to stand now.
"Mmh," she said. "In a sense."
What? In what sense?
"Were you to meet the 'me' you're familiar with and mention this, I might not remember."
I frowned.
Might not? So it wasn't definite?
I mean, it's not like I was going around meeting queens and kings, but still.
"Am I dead?" I asked.
"Yes," she said simply. "However, if time is an illusion, which it is, we could argue that you were never born to begin with. If that's the case, can you really die?"
"…"
I rubbed my face.
Could she not? I was still too upset to have this philosophical stuff thrown at me like this! She should have these kinds of discussions with Tiernan, not me!
"Either way," she said, smiling, "time works differently here. You've not been dead very long. A few seconds at most."
I… Uh. I knew I didn't have a heartbeat right now, but I could actually feel it in my ears.
I wasn't panicking exactly, but—
"Can I… go back?"
"Do you want to?" she said. "You don't have to. That's not why I'm here."
Did I want to?
Yes.
Yes, of course.
I wanted to go back.
I wanted to see Llewellyn again. And Penguin. And Gran.
There was no other reason to go back, but… I wanted to see them. Even if my life remained a mess, I wanted to be with them.
Wasn't that enough?
I mean, if I'd not really ceased to be, if I was still existing here anyway… couldn't I just keep doing it there? That sounded sensible to me.
…Wait. Let's slow down.
"You just said you're not here to send me back? Then…?"
"Mmh," she said. "I'm here to return something that is yours."
Uh?
Why would she have something of mine?
And why would I need it back if I was dead?
"What is that?" I asked, frowning.
Queen Seolene cupped her hands.
A white light sprang up between them. When she opened them, it flew toward me.
What even was that?! Maybe this was my dying brain firing on all cylinders before sputtering out.
"What is it?" I asked again.
"You could say that this is your own Authority. That's what I call it, at least. Of course, this won't make any sense to you."
She was right. It didn't.
I was more and more confused by the minute.
"Why would my own… uh… Authority be with you?"
"Ah," she said. "I'm afraid that's not something I can explain."
My currently nonexistent head was starting to hurt.
"You can't tell me where it comes from?"
"It comes from you, of course," she said. "It's yours. Who else?"
"So, I gave it to you?"
Was she about to tell me I was involved in some time shenanigans? But she had literally just said time does not exist!
"No, I didn't get this from you."
"…"
Maybe she was just making fun of me at this point. I really couldn't tell.
"Well," I said. "I don't seem to have needed it so far, so you don't need to give it back." I didn't want any more surprises right now, to be honest. "Besides, I'm assuming you've been using it? You can keep it. I don't need it."
"It's done its part," Queen Seolene said. "It was always meant to be returned. And, of course, I have my own."
"…"
Honestly, this whole development was too much. First my death and the cosmic void or whatever that was, and now this?
There was nothing about this I was currently able to wrap my head around.
"I really cannot say more," she said. "You just need to let it slot right back into you and that will be it."
I eyed the floating light.
Was that really a good move? What would happen if I did?
"System?" I tried to call.
I wanted to scan this thing. But… No reply came.
Ah, right. I remembered what the System had said once:
[Clarification: In the event of actual death, System tracking will be deactivated. However, this outcome is not recommended.]
So I really must be dead.
…This sucked.
I wasn't sure I should accept this light thing, but… I was already dead. What was the worst that could happen?
I sighed and invited it in.
The light shone bright for a second, then flittered back into my chest, slotting in.
The itch in my chest flared.
Huh?
It looked like it was still there somehow, even though I didn't have my body anymore.
Maybe that wasn't that weird. If I could feel a non-existent heartbeat, why not everything else too?
For a moment, I'd thought the light might dissolve the itch, but I was wrong. It was the opposite. It seemed to take more shape.
I always thought the itch had something that felt diamond-like, but… that was even more the case now even though it was unsubstantial—so even that didn't make sense.
I pressed my hand against my sternum.
"What now?" I asked. Apart from that sensation, which was slowly settling in, I didn't feel any different.
"Don't be startled," Queen Seolene said. "Death has stripped away the UI for you—at least here, so it can be overwhelming, but it's safe. This is going to rebalance your magic and show you what Pure Magic can do."
She waved her hand.
***
The environment around us changed.
Desert went on for miles and miles. Pyramids could be seen in the distance, dozens of them. The sun was scorching.
My chest contracted.
It was insane, and I couldn't explain it better, but… this looked like I felt sometimes.
Then came the night. I couldn't see the moon; the desert seemed to be lit up by neon light—though I couldn't see where that came from.
In the trick of the light, the pyramids seemed to be rotating, but when I looked again, they stood still.
Then it was daytime again.
Why was I here? How much time had passed since I'd died?
The desert went on and on. No flower bloomed—nothing.
I wanted to go back.
I wanted to see Llewellyn, Penguin, and Gran again.
I wanted to make pancakes to share with them while talking about stupid things.
I didn't want to be here.
It'd probably be fine if I could let go, but I couldn't, and now everything felt just too… dry.
…Magic surged out of me.
Water flooded the dunes, rushed in all directions, filled the desert until only the very top of the pyramids was visible.
Then it receded.
Whoa.
I staggered.
What was this? I had no idea what was happening!
For someone who supposedly had no heartbeat, mine was very loud.
Then…
Wasn't that Gilded Bay?! The pirate ship town where Llewellyn and I had…
It definitely was. Even if I couldn't see anyone from here, I could hear the music.
A second later it vanished, and Mondwyn Harbor stood there, with its fountains and colorful banners hung between rooftops, and white bedsheets snapping lazily in the wind.
Then even that receded and was gone.
And… it was done.
I didn't know what that had been, but… it felt good now. Everything felt fresh, and I slowly calmed down.
I could hear seagulls and feel the salty breeze as waves crashed down over what had been a desert before.
"It's regulating itself," Queen Seolene said and I jumped, startled. I thought she'd gone, but… I felt relieved to see that she was still beside me. "Your magic has settled in its own disposition again."
"Could you please stop speaking in riddles?!" I asked, frustrated. Maybe I was ignoring even the little royal etiquette I knew, but... honestly.
Queen Seolene grinned.
"Fair," she said. "I'll be straightforward. Though your magic did need rebalancing, I've chosen this specific method because it's relevant to the Knots."
Huh? Okay, wait a moment. How did we get to the Knots?
"What do you mean?"
"Magic moves easily here." She waved her hand, and the ocean was gone and so were the pyramids. We were standing on a field, with grass going on for miles. "Reality's imaginative flow is unimpeded. When we introduced a new variable—you—it adapted and responded flawlessly to put you at ease. That's how it should be. Occasionally, in the course of creating something, Magic can become tangled, blocked, or maybe overwhelmed by competing forces. Either way, it can't flow as it should, and this creates a Knot."
Uh, okay.
I mean, I'd guessed some of this; it's not like it was a complete surprise.
Why was she telling me this, though?
"The Magic tangled in the Knot keeps trying to flow but can't," Queen Seolene continued, "erupting in disaster events that must be addressed. Some of them the System can untangle somewhat, and become Dungeons. Others are too dense and tangled even for the System to deal with, and become Distorted Realms. These are the ones you and Llewellyn have been fighting."
Hearing Llewellyn's name mentioned here made me feel a pang in my chest, but I ignored it.
"What do you mean by 'overwhelmed competing forces'?" I asked.
If Magic is all there is, what would even oppose it?
"Ah," Queen Seolene said. "A sensible question. I'm not talking about external forces. A Knot is almost always the result of a collision between unchecked imagination and raw desire. For creation to happen, there must be something kickstarting the movement of creation, something that is strong enough to get Magic out of its inert state so it can flow and create something new. That's how everything comes into being. The key here is that this desire is not a one off, it's a constant unconscious yearning to create something that's inherent within sleeping Magic. When too many of reality's unconscious yearnings are in contrast or converge without being able to come to fruition, a Knot forms."
…Wait a moment.
Didn't I also feel yearning whenever the itch showed up? Was that what it was?
I had to check myself for a moment, in case I was retrofitting facts based on the current explanation, but I distinctly remembered telling this to Llewellyn after we experienced that Wave of Fear in the forest and we shared our stats; that my itch had… yearning in it, and that most of the time that yearning was not my own.
Was this what I was feeling?
"I showed you this not just to rebalance your magic, which was sorely needed in the state you were in, but because you wouldn't have understood what I meant without seeing it yourself. In the normal flow of time, Magic's activity as a perpetual creative flow underneath everything is not as immediately graspable."
She was right. In everyday life, the idea of Magic creating reality was very abstract.
I mean, things just went on, it was not like understanding this made any difference to anyone. That is, unless you were someone fighting Knots.
Still. How did this help me at all?
Queen Seolene hesitated. "That I don't know," she said when I asked.
…Honestly.
"What I'm asking is: Are you telling me I must stop the problem at the root, instead of dealing with Dungeons and Distorted Realms?"
How did we get to this?! I'd only signed the contract to help Llewellyn, not to be given this much responsibility!
Besides, hadn't Llewellyn and I agreed that we didn't want to be more involved than necessary?!
I didn't want to have to deal with cosmic forces!
I just wanted to go back and kiss him senseless!
I was starting to understand how Gilded felt about not wanting to sign a System contract.
"No," Queen Seolene said, smoothing out her dress. "I'm not telling you what to do. I just came because I had something to return to you and I thought an explanation might help. I've done my part. Do with this information as you wish." She gave me a peculiar look. "I hope you know what you're doing, Ryo Haewell."
What?
Of course I didn't know what I was doing! What was she talking about?!
Before I could point that out, I felt like I was being pulled back through the eons, through skies and lands. I could glimpse dragons and deserts, forests and oceans, one after the other, rising up, calling.
Then I was in the… cosmos, somehow. It was just me, no one else, for all eternity.
Then I was—
"Ryo!"
***
Huh?
Everything was dark again but… that was because my eyes were closed.
I opened them.
I blinked up and Llewellyn's face came into focus.
…Oh.
I was back.
I was back!
Fuck. How?!
Was something like this even possible?!
…Wait a moment. Why was Llewellyn holding me like that?!
He was lying next to me, and I was half-pulled against his chest. Maybe he was trying to trigger a System healing bonus through physical contact?
But what was this tingling…
I glanced down.
Gilded's hands were hovering over my abdomen, shaking, pouring healing magic after healing magic.
There was still a lot of blood, but… I wasn't losing any more now.
"Ryo!" Llewellyn said again, eyes wide. "Are you— Fuck. You weren't breathing. There was no heartbeat."
He reached for my shoulder, hand, face, brushed my hair off my forehead.
"He's alive!" Jihoon yelled suddenly, sounding teary and overjoyed. "Ryo's alive! Penguin! Guys! Ryo's alive!"
I heard the rest of TAPESTRY's excited voices before they all started rushing closer.
It looked like they'd been trying to console a distressed Penguin who was now chittering frantically, trying to jump out of Roan's arms to reach me.
Penguin!
My heart had gone all wobbly.
I was lying down here with Llewellyn plastered to my side, his face hovering above me, his eyes red.
While I waited for Penguin to reach me, I had to at least—
I couldn't help it.
I reached up and pulled him down into a kiss.