Chapter 6 – Only the Wicked Can Deal with the Wicked
"What… what kind of chance?" the musclebound man asked, trembling.
"The chance to win your dignity back, of course."
Ron grinned darkly. "I'm guessing you're not too happy about having a gun shoved in your mouth, right?"
The man started to nod, then quickly shook his head after catching a glimpse of the still-warm barrel.
"N-Nope. Not at all. I'm good."
"Own it, man. A real guy doesn't need that much crap to say yes."
Ron kicked the gun aside, sending it skittering across the floor. "Looking at those muscles, and the way you treated my brother, I'd say you think you're pretty damn tough, huh?"
"Well, I'm giving you a chance: If you can beat me in a straight-up fistfight, everything from earlier—including what you did to my brother—gets wiped clean. What do you say?"
There was a dangerous glint in Ron's eyes, but the guy—oblivious to the threat—actually started considering it.
Despite his brain being mostly bench-pressed into his shoulders, the man was capable of rudimentary thought, just slightly more evolved than a chimpanzee.
"But what if you go back on your word? What if I beat you up and you arrest me anyway? For attacking a federal agent or something?"
"No worries."
Ron reached for a small camcorder on his belt, flipped open the screen, and pointed the lens at himself.
"Video evidence," he said with a grin. "This is just two men settling something like men. Not a cop thing. No arrests, no legal consequences. Hey—what's your name?"
He turned the camera toward the man, who gave an awkward little wave.
"Uh… Kurt. I'm Kurt."
Ron turned the lens back to himself. "Right. Kurt. I'm Ron. Off-duty. And I'm here to have a friendly, mutual, voluntary one-on-one match—no police involvement, no legal issues. You agree?"
Back to Kurt, who finally relaxed.
"I agree. Totally. Let's do it."
Ron played the footage back for him, just to seal the deal. As Kurt nodded along, Ron found himself deeply missing the convenience of modern smartphones. Still, the first iPhone was coming out next year—maybe he could buy some Apple stock ahead of time?
He handed the memory card to Kurt. "There. All good now?"
Kurt carefully slid the card into his pocket. Then, grinning wickedly, he cracked his knuckles one by one, the sound like popcorn popping.
As Ron waited calmly, still smiling, Kurt suddenly lunged forward and threw a punch right at Ron's face.
"You smug piece of shit! I've been waiting for this!"
Kurt genuinely thought this punch would flatten Ron and put him in his place for good.
Unfortunately for him, Ron barely tilted his head to the side, effortlessly dodging it. In that same moment, his fist sank straight into Kurt's gut like a hammer, folding him over like a shrimp.
And before Kurt could even wheeze, a brutal uppercut smashed into his jaw, sending him sprawling flat onto the floor.
"Pathetic," Ron scoffed. "This is the guy who thought he could take me?"
Kurt, now flat on his back and gasping, started crawling away in terror.
"Stop! Please, stop! You'll kill me! I give up!"
He tried to appeal to Ron's status.
"You're a law enforcement officer! You can't do this—it's illegal!"
By the end, poor Kurt let out a shriek so high-pitched it could've passed for a woman's scream.
Ron, however, just smiled brightly—though to Kurt, it was the kind of smile you'd expect from a demon. He frantically patted himself down, as if searching for a last lifeline.
"Looking for this?"
Ron held up the memory card between two fingers, waving it in front of Kurt's face. He'd slipped it out the moment his first punch connected.
"I'll teach you to mess with my brother!"
SMACK!
"I'll teach you to pull my brother's pants down!"
SMACK!
"I'll teach you to humiliate Leonard!"
SMACK!
"I'll teach you to be so damn ugly!"
SMACK!
...
"I'll teach your damn FBI for not giving me intel!"
"I'll teach your FBI for charging me to watch your trashy 'training videos'!"
Kurt, beaten and confused, weakly raised his head. "W-Wait… I'm not FBI."
SMACK!
"I'll teach you to say you're not FBI!"
With each line, Ron delivered a fresh punch, until Kurt was a swollen, unrecognizable mess on the floor.
Ron finally stood up, stretched his arms with a satisfied sigh. The stress of the day was gone, and he felt lighter already. Turns out this was a pretty great way to let off steam.
Kurt, meanwhile, lay shivering in pain, looking up at Ron with pure terror. In his eyes, this wasn't a man—this was a devil.
"After that deep, heartfelt sparring session, I trust you've learned a valuable lesson?" Ron said, cracking his knuckles—just like Kurt had done earlier.
"Yes, yes, I've learned my lesson! Please let me go! I'll give Penny her TV back right now!"
Kurt had no pride left. Who knew how that annoying little brat Penny had managed to know someone this terrifying? He just wanted Ron gone. Gone and far, far away.
Ron frowned. "That's it?"
Kurt quickly scrambled to fix it. "What else do you want? Name it—I'll do it."
"Well, let's start with my brother's pants. And his friend's. Oh, and gas money—I drove here, after all. Also, the fee for the self-defense lesson I just gave you. Let's say… fifty bucks an hour. Comes out to seventy total."
That's right—he beat the guy up and still charged him for it. What could Kurt do about it?
After all, like the old saying goes: "Only the wicked can deal with the wicked."
Kurt had simply met someone far more wicked than himself.
"Fine! Take it. Take it all!"
Kurt flipped his wallet inside out, but Ron only took exactly what he'd asked for.
"I told you, I'm not extorting you. I'm just getting paid for services rendered. You get that, right?"
Ron tucked his gun and knife back into his belt, looking mildly annoyed.
"Yes, yes, I understand. It's compensation for your labor. Please… take it."
Kurt looked like he might cry. He'd just gotten beaten up and charged for it. Could this get any more humiliating?
Ron's expression shifted back to that unnervingly friendly smile.
"Now that's more like it. You're a good citizen. Say, can I ask you for one more favor?"
Kurt flinched. That face again. That same cursed smile that came right before the beating.
Ron rotated his waist and feigned a wince. "Think I pulled something in my back while demonstrating those fighting moves. Mind helping me carry Penny's TV out to my brother's car?"
"Oh, and if you could return their pants and get their forgiveness while you're at it, I'd really appreciate the gesture."
Pulled your back, my ass! Kurt screamed internally.
I've never seen someone with a back injury move like a damn kung fu movie star!
But he bit down on the urge to talk back. Anything was better than facing this devil again.
"N-no problem. I'll do it right now!"