To whomever finds themselves reading this diary—who are you, I wonder? A cherished someone, a descendant, perhaps even my child? I'm afraid I'll never find out.
What you hold is something deeply personal. This record of mine is not without my vulnerabilities. Certain records in these pages may seem far-fetched. Yet I assure you, every word bears the truth.
As I write this preface, my journey remains incomplete. And so, I cannot say whether I shall still draw breath when your eyes fall upon these lines.
With that in mind, I ask only this of you. Do not judge my life too harshly. Instead, allow yourself to walk beside me—through the story of my past, the uncertainty of my present, and the unwritten pages of my future.
May you find meaning in what follows.
++++++
I was swallowed by the wet and cold, thick as clotted blood. It clung to my skin, dragged at my limbs. Tiny jaws—or legs?—scuttled across my flesh. Limbs numbed and then ignited. Like fire was beneath my skin.
Where am I? The thought was distant now, and my mouth would not move. My jaw fused shut.
My lungs.
They burned.
My ribs.
They ached.
Something twisted inside me—something not mine.
They were moving.
Wriggling.
Writhing.
Entrails.
Slithering inside.
"I have no mouth, yet I must scream." I understand it well now.
Ba—thump
I realized it then. What I needed wasn't answers. It was breath.
Air.
Air.
AIR.
AIR.
AIR!
"HUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!"
With a choking gasp, my hands punched through the sodden earth. Frigid night air flooded my throat like a cold river.
I heaved.
I coughed.
++++++
The protagonist of this tale is I, Kaito Mori. I was a young, male writer of Japanese descent who specialized in gothic fantasy novels. My most notable and famous work was a tragedy titled [Godslit]
A story about a man who was renowned as a genius across the globe. However, his luck would take a turn for the worse, as he'd contract an incurable illness. And when he awoke from his deathbed, he found he was in the body of someone he did not recognize, in a world that was not his own.
That being said, that was enough about me and my book.
The night was cold and rainy. Transforming the earth below me into sludge that threatened to reconsume me. I try and reposition myself, trying to free my sunken limbs from the mud, but the mud clung to me, dragged on my limbs like a mother unwilling to let go.
Still on my knees, I stabilize my harrowing gasps and wipe the mud off my face.
"...Where am I?" Surprised at the sound, I touch my lips—my mouth was now my own.
I couldn't hear my voice too well, on account of the downpour and the panicked drum of my heart. But isn't my voice a couple of pitches higher than normal?
Looking down at where I had just emerged, I realize—
"Is this a… grave?" I murmured, watching the mud seep through the clenched fingers of my fist.
Yes… I was a dead man, wasn't I?
However, the memories of my death eluded me.
Despite that, saying I was dead felt… Right. I didn't have a shadow of a doubt that I had died.
I rose with difficulty, the weight of water and earth clinging to me like a second skin. I looked around, but found the place wholly unrecognizable. I was in a cemetery, of course. But it wasn't one that I recognized. A sharp, black iron fence surrounded the cemetery. Pale, gnarled, skeletal trees were littered about. As if I had woken up on a horror set to a shoddy zombie flick.
The air… It smelled like wet soil and rust—strangely soothing.
I redirect my attention back to my grave and kneel, careful not to slip on the mud. I gaze at what I recognize to be a tombstone. It takes me a couple of seconds to adjust my vision, but finally, I could read a language not of my own.
"Rhys… Sinclair?"
I readjust my head, allowing the slick, wet tombstone to shine and reflect my visage.
What stood before me was a muddy kid. They held Long Dusty Jade Green Hair and androgynous features cloyed with hunger.
It took me a while, but I soon came to realize that this kid was me. I, Kaito Mori, have woken up in a different body. A cliche plot that awarded me several prizes of excellence.
I shook my head violently. Half out of disbelief, and half an attempt to try and calm my mind.
The attempt failed—the lump of muscle thumping in my ribcage was proof of that failure. I try to calm the torrent of emotions that surged through me.
Disbelief: Hoping that this was a dream.
Confusion: Where am I? Who am I? Why am I?
Fear: That bred from the uncertainty of Confusion.
Anger: for reasons as elusive as the memories of my death.
"Fuck!" I cursed—couldn't help it. That one word perfectly summarized everything I was feeling. I lose my balance, flopping over in the mud. I was covered in it already, anyway.
It didn't even matter anymore.
Tugging at my collar, I came to realize I was wearing nothing but rags.
I take some time to let a torrent of expletives free. It was a habit I picked up when trying to meet deadlines. It was strangely therapeutic as it was vulgar.
Letting the raindrops fall upon my face, I reach for the cloudy night sky.
My hand was far daintier and lacked the prominent veins that snaked down my previous arm. My hand was also far paler, as if I hadn't seen the sun in a millennium.
This situation... It reminds me of the countless novels I read. Where the main character dies and gets reincarnated. I always found that trope overused, though I can't be talking. And yet here I am… Fan-Fucking-Tastic…
I allow my arm to fall and rest upon my forehead, the mud on my arm gluing my bangs to my face.
"Fuck just let me rest in peace…"
The thought of killing myself flashed through my mind momentarily. But I quickly disregarded that notion. Dying—I think—isn't exactly pleasant. Not that I could remember my death for the life of me.
"Is this because I won at life?"
It may sound like I was joking. But I wasn't. I was hailed as a literary genius, and the royalties alone allowed me to retire and live a stable life far faster than all my peers.
Suddenly, as if the world was telling me I had ruminated enough, a gruff, unpleasant, and hostile voice resounded from beyond my vision of the cloudy sky.
"What are you doing here?!" The man's sonorous voice boomed with authority.
Peeling myself from the mud, I turn toward him. He had a thick, unkempt beard and held a flashlight while wearing a neon green raincoat.
Running up to me, he says, "Loitering here is illegal." I could tell from his voice that he didn't have a single positive sentiment toward me.
"..." Shocked by his unfriendly demeanor, I stared at him.
To which, he clicked his tongue.
What an asshole! Was the first thing that came to mind. Seriously, aren't you supposed to treat children with kindness—or something?!
"You speak Velmari, don't you?!" The man said, getting closer. "You can't be here, runt."
Velmari? Is it… Perhaps the common language of this world?
"Who… Are you?" Curiosity overtook me. I was also annoyed, which lit a rebellious spark within me. I didn't want to immediately do as he said. My pride would not allow me.
"I'm the gravekeeper here—responsible for making sure rodents don't go digging up the graves if you know what I mean." His voice shook and slurred in annoyance.
Does he… Think I'm a grave robber?
"Now pick up the memo and scram. 'Less you want me to make you."
My guts began to boil. I could feel a stream of excuses well up in my throat. But I swallowed it, picked myself up, and was guided out. I could tell he wouldn't listen to me. And why would he? I needed to leave here sooner or later anyway.
After all, the living have no place among the dead.
With a hard push to my back, which nearly knocked me flat on my face, the gravekeeper had removed me from the cemetery.
"Tch—asshole, does he not know who I am?" Ironically, my mouth only moved to insult him after he'd left. I say those words as if I were someone special here. Perhaps in my old world. But here, I'm nothing. The thought angered me.
However, walking that short distance has made me come to realize another thing.
I'm short.
I looked around. I seemed to be in a small town. The architecture seemed to be a mix of the medieval past and the technological convenience of the present. What seemed to be wagons lay about the cobblestone roads, and the houses were made of wood and stone. Yet, in contrast, metal street lights illuminated my path.
"Achoo—!" A shiver ran through my body like lightning as I instinctively rubbed my arms to try and generate some heat. I was damp to the bone and covered in mud. Over time, the typhoon-like rains had begun to wash the mud from me. But I was still filthy nonetheless.
I began walking, keeping my head down low to keep the rain from my eyes. For a brief moment, I glanced up toward a sign.
"Welcome to the town of Droswen—Achoo!" Another sneeze reminded me of my dropping internal temperature, and my hurried walk broke into a hasty sprint. I rounded corners at dizzying speeds, careful not to slip on the slick cobblestone paths.
I was shivering so hard I feared my teeth might come loose.
Whilst running, I took care to give cursory glances at the buildings and establishments that crossed my path for anywhere I could hide from the rain.
A pawn shop.
A chicken shop.
Family grocery store.
Empty food stalls.
A slumped, malnourished child dressed in rags
Strangely enough, my poor vision, which always needed to be supplemented with glasses, had become perfect. And even stranger, I could read the text… Velmari, I think the gravekeeper called it. It was a language not native to Earth.
Which all but confirmed my suspicions.
This isn't Earth, is it?
I'm unfamiliar with this kind of architecture. A bold mix of the new and the old.
"—!" I skid to a stop.
There. At the far end of a ruined lane. An ancient structure, half-collapsed, its roof slanted like a broken crown. My eyes locked onto the old, dilapidated shanty. Although, upon further inspection, it appeared to be a shrine.
The shrine was surrounded by tall, spiked trees that gnarled ever so slightly. Water cascaded down the stone tiles that led up to the Japanese-inspired shrine. And next to the entrance of said shrine, there is a sign.
"Ygros… The Pale Womb…" Sounds like an evil god to me.
I felt apprehension at that name. Despite that, however, I found myself walking up those stone steps. It felt as though…
The shrine was…
Calling to me…
As the raindrops continued to strike my feeble figure, I fought against the raging torrent cascading down the cracked stone steps.
++++++
I should've been more wary, to be honest. But this turned out to be an extremely fortuitous find. As I had now successfully beaten away the cold, I bundled up naked in a layer of blankets I had found within the shrine.
I made sure to clean myself using the rainwater collected in a basin outside to ensure I don't cake the blanket in mud.
Fuck it was cold.
And next to me, was a slightly chewed up robe—that oddly enough, fit me like a glove.
Everything about this shrine was ominous and foreboding.
I had to store my previous rags. They were simply too dirty and saturated with mud. Not to mention, they barely functioned as clothes, only barely keeping my important bits hidden away from view.
Inside the shrine, I was able to find two more things, another thinner blanket, and a pretty Talisman that looked like it sold for a lot.
Examining the Talisman, I found it was good at retaining heat, since it was rather warm to the touch. Which must've been sapping my body heat while I was fiddling with it, and then retaining the heat. The talisman was in the shape of a half-lidded eye. And on the edges were words inscribed in a forgotten tongue.
"Haaa~" A yawn escaped from my lips as I leaned up against the wall. I put the talisman around my neck, and instantly it was as if all my energy was being sapped from me…
I tried to fight the urge for a moment. But I saw no point; I was exhausted from running. I quickly gave in and allowed my eyelids to rest.
The soothing sound of rain fades into the background of my mind as I doze into the void.
++++++
I awoke, to my chagrin, to a growling stomach and a parched throat. I get up and stretch, only to feel my face flush and my body cool as the blanket drops to the floor, exposing my nude body.
Also, on a side but important note—at least to me—was that my body was that of a man—or rather a boy. I may be a cute kid, but I was destined to grow up into a man. And looking at my features, I'll grow up to be a heartthrob at that.
Without wasting time, I put on the robes I retrieved from the crevices of the shrine. As expected, it was warm and comfortable.
I take a hearty gulp of water from the outside basin before sitting back down to ponder my next moves.
I'd wasted a large amount of the basin water in order to clean myself. Luckily, it seemed the rain had refilled it.
I flop backward
- Bam!
Which, regrettably, caused my head to slam against the floor.
"Agh!" I groan, rubbing the back of my head.
Eventually, the pain subsided, and I let my thoughts wander once more.
"What to do, what to do…"
Should I find a random person to adopt me?
Yeah no, with my feminine body type I might get kidnaped or sold off and raped by a pedo. Hah, no thanks.
Begging for food in the streets?
The mere thought of it makes me physically ill.
A help line, maybe? Like a homeless shelter, or an orphanage…?
… That could work…
- Growl~
"But first… I should do something about my food situation…" I groaned.
Suddenly, a slight ringing caught my attention as I tugged at my collar to reveal the talisman, or rather pendant, hanging around my neck.
"Bingo…"
++++++
I found myself before what I assume, and hope, to be a pawn shop. I remember passing this place by as I ran through the night.
"Man… This place is unrecognizable…" I whisper in awe.
I'm not talking about this pawn shop, mind you. I was referring to this town—Droswen, I believe. It was teeming and bustling with people, young girls—likely housewives—carrying baskets full of vegetables alongside the boisterous hollers of street vendors.
Taking in the sights and sounds, I realize that Velmari was nothing like my native language, Japanese.
"Ah!" Perhaps I've been loitering in front of this store for a bit too long…
Looking around, I could tell no one was sparing me a second glance. But I should still get this thing sold off.
Opening the large, oaken doors, lined with silver, I presented the talisman before the old shopkeeper. Who stared at me suspiciously.
He takes the talisman and inspects it a little before handing it back to me.
I wonder how much this thing will get appraised for? I hope it'll at least be enough for me to buy some lunch.
"I'm not buying this…" The man said, his tone flat.
My aspirations have been crushed in just 1 line of text.
"Why?!" I asked incredulously, shoving the pendant further forward as if to emphasize its value of the pendant.
"I don't deal with stolen goods."
"It's not stolen, though!" I say, lying through my teeth as if it were second nature. Technically, it had been abandoned in that shrine. So it's not really stolen.
"Yeah, like I'd believe you, even from here I can tell you haven't showered in days. Now leave before I call the city guards." The man responded, leaving no room for arguing. That much was apparent.
Did… Did I really smell that bad? I couldn't help but give myself a little sniff… I smelled fine?
I click my tongue and promptly leave before putting the pendant back around my neck.
Guess I'll have to start looking for a help line early.
Though looking around, I had little hope… In the alleyways, you could spot men, women, and children alike hunched over. Their skin sank between their ribs, their cheeks sunken and bony.
I grimaced as the image of my face appeared on one of the malnourished children. I have to make sure that didn't happen. It's fine, though. I was educated and could read and write. Surely someone would want to hire me… Right?
++++++
I was wrong. Instead of recruitment flyers or applications being directed my way, I was instead subjected to unprecedented scorn.
I'd spent hours roaming the city streets, asking various shops and passersby for potential work. Most would ignore me, while a few would berate me.
Another growl from my stomach sent my already unpleasant mood spiraling downward beyond reproach. It was depressing. I lived every day eating 3 meals a day of whatever the hell I wanted. And now I'd settle for stale bread. Hell, that instant noodle that I'd scarf down every day during my uni years was beginning to sound appealing. Which was saying a lot, there was a time when just seeing those noodles made me gag.
This must be what they mean when they say beggars can't be choosers.
I was a "beggar" now. Plain and simple. It felt disgusting, vile. I don't belong with them. I'd busted my ass off everyday, and this is what I get? People used to sing my praises from the rooftops—not really.
However, not all things were bad. Through my experience of numerous events in this body, I've come to a realization.
I have an extremely good memory.
I'm not even talking about photographic memory. I'm talking about perfect memory. From the thoughts I was having to the words I was saying. I could remember every last minute detail.
But in the end…
- Growl~
My stomach growled once more. Perfect memory was useless right now. By this point. The hunger pains had subsided, replaced by an unshakable lethargy. What was even worse was the street vendors lining the halls. The smell of cooked food wafted through the air. The smell was poisonous to the starved.
Is this why all the hungry and homeless people stuck to the alleys? To get away from the tempting smells?
Seriously, I've never seen such a large economic disparity before in my life. People starved next to food vendors and housewives leisurely shopping for groceries. It was insane. And if I don't hurry, I'll end up joining the starved…
Leaning back and listening to the various vendors shout and holler, a misguided thought popped into my mind.
What if I were to grab something and just… Run?
Theoretically, it was possible. However, I'd have to choose someone fat. Since I was still a kid, my legs were still short, meaning a fit young adult could easily outrun me with their longer strides.
"Yeah… This could… Work?"
[CH END]
(Author notes: Man, first chapter written and uploaded already. I'm going to write my author notes this way since it makes copy and pasting this novel from Google Docs to the various web novel websites easier.)