"This one is for the dreamers"
Rawyn…
Am doing it again
Staring right through the fireplace, lost to memories messing with my head
With my mind
And sanity.
I hate that am powerless against it. The moment I start daydreaming, I can barely feel myself.
The images hit me twice as hard as I remember them.
The pain. The cries.
That vague womanly figure in that dark, damp room that has become an extension of my nightmares, those moments that even my body refuses to obey me and my screams don't work all the way to my throat. That feeling of nauseating powerlessness, I hate it all.
It is only after a few minutes that I snap out of my haze. I can feel myself once again, the warmth of the fire caressing my cold stiff fingers and toes, the snapping of wood twigs. But I can still hear the soft indescribable whispers in my ear, I can still that familiar dread crawling up to my chest and my heart hammering against my ribs.
A wave of nausea stirs in my throat.
I can't stop it
I can't breathe
I can't—
A cold hand on my skin pulls my fragmented senses back to reality.
"Abigail" He calls and shakes my shoulders.
My tired gray eyes meets his enigmatic blues. "You are doing it again" He says, giving a tired sigh and retracts his hand. I don't respond and lean back in my chair, my arms and feet feeling quite foreign.
He briefly scans me, probably taking in my dishevelled state.
"Had trouble sleeping?" He sinks his hand into his pockets. I purse my lips and look away even though I can still feel his gaze on me. I can't look. I can't handle the look that will most definitely be on his face right now.
That look of pity, the kind you would give to a trapped animal. Nausea rushes back to my throat and I swallow.
"Well, you're back early" I shift my gaze to him, stating the obvious.
He shrugs and sits on a blue colored couch near my chair, the invisible pressure to talk that I felt while he was standing has lessened now.
"Couldn't help it. Heard our princess is releasing another album very soon"
"Don't call me that, Elijah" I glare at him and he doesn't even bother looking up before smirking like the menace he is.
Elijah, Landon, Kaiden and uncle Victor are the only family I have so far — at least for as long as I can recall — with Landon being the the weirdest and most mysterious and Kai being a master originator of chaos in every word, Elijah is the balance of psycho three.
And am the odd one out. How lovely.
"I can call you whatever I want, PRINCESS" He says as he leans forward to reach for the teapot and cup I had placed on the stool beside me. He winks at me, pours himself a cup and sips the tea.
He pauses and raises his beautiful eyebrows, staring at me for a beat or two
"It's cold"
"I see" is all I respond with.
Tapping on the armrest of my chair I realise this conversation has gone awkward and cold, like my tea.
And it's all because of me.
"I...." I trail off the rest of my sentence as soon as I lift my head seeing that Elijah is already striding towards the door in my opposite direction.
I swallow my words and say "My regards to Landon and Kai" instead. My brother looks over his broad shoulders with a slight curve of his lips.
"They also sent their greetings"
He grips the door handle and the moment he goes through the door, his figure disappears in a screen of blue smoke.
He's gone
He was probably sent by the others to come see how I was faring and I didn't disappoint and now he's gone.
And am all alone again.
I think they can sense it too because the space around me immediately seems to converge and tighten, whispers rush from all corners.
Frustrated, I rub my temple with a sigh. I need to get out.
I need fucking noise
Otherwise, this dark silence could swallow me whole.
------
As I step into the club, the loud pulsating rhythm envelops me in an instant and I take in my surroundings.
The air is thick with the unpleasant smell of sweat and smoke, the crowd a sea of undulating bodies, their faces aglow with the strobing lights as they dance away and pretend like everything is alright.
I make my way through the crowd to a bar table at a less rowdy area and settle for a glass of coke
I never drink. I never will.
I whip out my phone from my jacket pocket. If anything social media and music is my therapy to escaping reality but my head is too messed up to make anything resonance with music so I browse the internet instead.
The article on top of the trending list catches my eye. It is, after all, about me— "Popularly unknown singer announces a comeback. Fans speculate...."
I click the article and skim through the write ups and comments with a raised eyebrow in amusement.
They are always speculating.
The link below the write up takes me to a video, it's actually a fan made MV of my supposed album title, "Flowers"
I watch it chuckling to myself. They don't even know what it's about. I drink from my glass again. I like the way the taste of sugar and gas spreads on my tongue, it sort of gives my body the illusion of being at ease.
As I am still in process of acknowledging the said MV, someone hits the extended hand holding my coke in an apparent rush. My grip loosens and the object drops.
Or is about to before a hand catches in mid motion smoothly
That was fast
Almost inhumanly fast because I am sure no one was actually close enough to me to have being able to catch it that fast.
"Careful, love"
The voice is familiar and I lift my head with deliberate slowness while receiving my glass back.
Oh fuck me, just who I wanted to see.
My stupid first love.