I washed and wiped my face, feeling like my soul was already dead.
But I couldn't fall apart yet. I had to be strong.
I fixed my hair, dabbed some powder over my cheeks, and forced a soft smile. "I can do this. Time to wake up."
I walked out of the bathroom, then quietly made my way back to the study.
They were still talking about me.
"…..how can she possibly know?" Joe laughed. "She's too fucking stupid to notice; even if she finds out, what would she do? She's already six months pregnant; she can't stay alone, and she's as fat as a pig right now—no one else will want her. I've been making sure that I feed her well, overfeeding her even. I want my baby to be big, bouncy, and healthy."
Zack laughed.
"For real, man, I can't even stand looking at her anymore; that belly's like a damn watermelon, stretch marks all over it. I'm getting sick just thinking about it." Joe said, his voice filled with disgust.
Zack's voice was low and excited. "Then do you mind if I try her next time? You know I've always been curious what it's like to be with a pregnant woman."
Joe laughed. "Sure, be my guest."
Their laughter echoed through the corridor, sharp and cruel, like knives in my ears.
I pressed a trembling hand to my stomach, so all the supplements, the extra foods he made me eat saying he wanted me to be healthy and strong… all this while I thought he liked feed me… But it had never been love. He was building his vessel just to carry 's baby.
I took a deep breath. "Remember, you have to be strong, Lily." Then I opened the door and stepped inside.
Joe's smile dropped, panic flirting through his eyes. "Baby, you are back. Whe… when did you get back?"
I smiled like nothing had happened. "Just a few seconds ago, actually. I heard your and Zack voices and decided to say hi."
I turned to Zack and smiled, but he avoided my eyes, acting like he was busy on his phone.
I looked at the almost empty bottle of expensive whiskey I had gotten him last week to celebrate a new contract. No wonder they were so loud and careless; their tongues were already loosened by alcohol.
Joe laughed nervously as he noticed me looking at the bottle. "Oh, Zack decided to come and celebrate the contract with me today, and we got a little carried away." He cleared his throat and continued, "What do you want for dinner? Let me order in."
I smiled at him. "Oh, I was just heading back out. I forgot to take my previous test results, and the doctor said I need them."
He stood up and walked over then kissed my forehead. "My little scatterbrain," he said with false fondness. "Don't stay out too long, though; you know I don't like you stressing yourself out."
I looked up at his smiling face, noticing how dead his eyes were. Now that I think of it, his smiles never reached his eyes. I can't believe I was so blind.
I nodded and forced a smile. "Sure, honey."
Then I left; my mind was blank until I reached the hospital.
The doctor looked at my swollen belly and hesitated.
"You're already heavily pregnant," she said gently. "Are you sure you want to do this? We would need the permission of the father."
I frowned at her, "What do you mean I need permission? It's my fucking body."
The doctor smiled at me, in arrogance. "Ma'am," she said like she was talking to a slow person, "That is the rule of the hospital."
I leaned back and smirked coldly, "If I remember correctly, the Vitto's are your biggest donors, and I happen to be the head. I wonder what the chief of staff will do if I tell him the hospital is refusing me a service."
She froze, the arrogance in her eyes bleeding away into nervousness. Something in my eyes must have stopped her from asking any further questions because she just nodded and handed me a form to fill out out and a prescription.
"Get this drug from the pharmacy," she said soberly. "Take the pills when you get home; it can be before or after. Then come back in three days for the procedure. Please void any strenuous activities for those days, and do not drive. This drug is very strong."
I smiled at her, collected the items, and went to get the drugs. Then I drove around aimlessly for hours before going back home.
Tired and drained, I walked up to the front door thinking about how I would have to fake ignorance and act like everything was alright.
But when I reached the door, the passcode didn't work.
I tried three more times. Wrong again.
Where the hell was Joe anyways?? There was no way he didn't hear the failed beeping. Just as I pulled out my phone to call Joe, the door opened and Veronica stood there in a red silk nightgown, her breasts bare beneath the almost sheer fabric. Her makeup was smudged, and her hair was messy.
She smiled sadly and hugged me. "Lily!" She wailed dramatically, "Can you believe the pipes at my house busted?" Now my entire house is flooded."
I looked down at her, not knowing how to react.
Veronica continued, "I tried your number, but it was not going, so I called Joe, and he said I could stay here for a few days till it is fixed."
"So… how does that have to do with the passcode? I kept trying it and nothing."
Veronica laughed, "Ooh about that, he changed the code to my birthday so I can easily remember. You don't mind, right?"
This fucking snake.
I gritted my teeth looking at her; I wanted to rip out her hair, but before I could speak, Joe's voice came from inside.
"Of course, she doesn't. My Lily is always very nice and thoughtful."
I stepped inside and saw Joe on the sofa. His shirt was half-buttoned, his pants wrinkled, his belt on the floor, and even the couch cushions were disarranged and damp. The room smelled of sex.
He stood up and hugged me like nothing was wrong. "You're pregnant; you shouldn't stay out so late. What if something had happened?"
I stood stiffly staring at him. Have I really been so delusional and stupid that they can have sex so obviously and act so nonchalant? Just how many times had they done this, and I was too blind to see?
The same man who had just mocked me and and called me disgusting was now pretending to be a caring husband.
I couldn't take it anymore; there was no way I could pretend that everything was fine.