Morning sunlight filters through the curtains of Ichigo Kurosaki's bedroom. Birds chirp cheerfully outside, as if the previous night's carnage never happened.
Ichigo groans, dragging himself out of bed.
"Ugh… I feel like I got hit by a truck full of Elizabeth merch."
He blinks around the room. No scorch marks. No crater. No scattered rubble. The house looks immaculate. Too immaculate. He dashes down the stairs.
Katsura — still Isshin Kurosaki for now — leaps out from behind a wall, wielding a bamboo sword and a signboard: "Good morning, delinquent son!"
"Gah!" Ichigo karate-chops him on reflex.
Katsura flies into a cabinet with a dramatic crash.
"Oi, Zura! You trying to kill me?!"
"It's not Zura, it's Isshin!" the sign insists as Katsura slumps unconscious again.
The Elisabese twins, Yuzu and Karin, cheerfully set breakfast on the table, holding signboards reading "We love big bro!" and "Chores or else."
Ichigo rubs his head.
"This house is cursed."
[System Notification: 'Property Repairs' Quest completed. Cost automatically deducted from Yorozuya account.]
"…Wait, you're charging me for that?!"
[Yes.]
Grumbling, Ichigo scarfs down breakfast and heads out, fully expecting ghostly nonsense to follow.
Sure enough, the moment he steps outside, a spirit shaped suspiciously like Menma from Anohana appears beside him, holding a small offering plate.
"Menko Honma requests help finding peace," Misaka narrates flatly from nowhere.
"I don't even get to finish my toast in peace anymore."
As he trudges toward school, more spirits start tailing him — including what appears to be the spirit of Madao holding a "Spare Change?" sign.
By the time Ichigo arrives at Karakura High, he's trailed by enough ghostly freeloaders to start a spectral support group.
Inside, the classroom's no better.
Kujo Jotaro, posing as Yasutora "Chad" Sado, looms in the corner, arms crossed, radiating pure menace.
"Yare yare daze… another weird morning."
Aqua from Konosuba, now Orihime Inoue, flutters over with sparkles in her eyes.
"Ichigo! I prayed to Aqua-sama to protect your household and totally forgot I AM Aqua-sama!"
"…Please go away."
Nendou Riki, in Keigo's seat, waves enthusiastically.
"Oi oi, Ichigo buddy! I found this stray cat, gave it a pompadour, called it Little Nendou!"
Makoto Itou as Mizuiro smirks in the back, his eyes somehow shadier than the original Mizuiro's ever were.
"Morning, Ichigo. You look like death warmed over."
Mikasa Worst, as Tatsuki Arisawa, elbows Ichigo in the ribs.
"Still picking fights with punks? Don't expect me to bail you out next time."
And then there's Koro-sensei at the front of the class — yellow, grinning, and holding up the morning homeroom sheet.
"Good morning, my delightful underachievers! Pop quiz today on ghost anatomy!"
"I hate my life," Ichigo mutters.
Then it happens.
The classroom door slides open, and in steps Misaka 10031, now in a Karakura High uniform that looks oddly correct on her. She holds a schoolbag in one hand and a Soul Pager in the other.
Misaka speaks in third-person narration:
"Misaka enters the classroom dramatically, posing as Rukia Kuchiki the transfer student, declares Misaka."
The room goes silent.
Ichigo's soul leaves his body.
"You have got to be kidding me."
Misaka approaches his desk.
"Good morning, Ichigo Kurosaki, Misaka greets. Reminding you of your duty as temporary substitute Soul Reaper, Misaka clarifies."
The System dings.
[Main Plot Progression: 'Meet Rukia at School' completed. +5,000 Yen sent to Yorozuya account.]
Ichigo facepalms.
"You're making money off this while I get stuck cleaning up ghost messes?!"
"Correct, Misaka confirms."
"Damn it."
The rest of the class, blissfully ignorant, returns to normal — or as normal as a room full of Assassination Classroom students, a Joestar, a blue-haired goddess, and a yellow smiley-face monster can be.
Koro-sensei cheerfully claps his tentacles.
"Alright, everyone, pop quiz on spirit lore! Remember — bonus points if you survive until lunchtime!"
Ichigo slumps in his seat, staring out the window as another spirit waves at him.
"So this is my life now… huh."