On an ordinary evening in Karakura Town, the streets are quiet, the sky a deep indigo, and the air just a little too calm — the kind of calm that only ever happens before something stupidly dangerous kicks down your front door.
The camera (if this were an anime) pans over empty sidewalks, vending machines humming in the background, and a flickering streetlight that clearly needs city maintenance. It finally stops on a teenage boy striding down the street.
Bright silver hair. Dead fish eyes. A lollipop jammed in his mouth like it owes him money.
This… is Kurosaki Ichigo.
Or, as the System that lives rent-free in his head likes to call him, "Host."
"[Reminder: You are Kurosaki Ichigo. You must follow Bleach plot. Or face deletion.]"
"Yeah yeah, shut up already," Ichigo — or rather, Gintoki, grumbles.
Despite the ridiculous situation, Gintoki long since gave up fighting it. After all, every time he tried, his bank account got drained, and money meant parfaits.
Tonight, his task is simple: get into a fight with some punks, protect a ghost girl, and pretend to care.
"Why am I doing this again…? I should be at home watching late-night reruns of 'Space Captain Katsura.'"
As if on cue, the local punks swagger onto the street, knocking over a roadside shrine. The makeshift offering topples over — paper flowers, a candle, and a small toy bunny roll onto the ground.
"What the hell's this creepy junk?" scoffs Makoto Sugihara, known locally as Punk #1, combing back his greasy hair.
"Probably one of those ghost-loving weirdos again," snorts Toshiaki Honjou, Punk #2.
"I bet it's cursed," adds Hiromi Kirishima, Punk #3, poking at the fallen candle with a stick.
A small, transparent figure of a young girl watches from nearby, eyes downcast. It's Menma — or as the System insists, Ghost Girl #1.
"Oi," Gintoki drawls, stepping between the punks and the shrine. "You've got five seconds to apologize to that girl and fix this mess."
Makoto smirks. "Or what, pretty boy? Gonna hit me with your weird hair?"
"Guess I'll just have to beat the budget anime outta you."
A brief, comedic beatdown follows. Gintoki slaps one with a traffic cone, trips another with a folding chair from nowhere, and somehow shoves a takoyaki stick up the third's nose.
The Ebizuka Trio limps away, muttering about calling a lawyer.
Gintoki crouches beside Menma, gently fixing the shrine.
"There. Rest easy, little ghost girl," he mutters.
Menma smiles, mouthing a silent 'thank you' as she vanishes.
"[Plot Event Complete. +5000 Yen transferred to Yorozuya account.]"
"Good. Daddy needs his parfait fund."
Cut to: Kurosaki Residence
Inside a modest home, chaos reigns.
Katsura, wearing a fatherly apron labeled 'World Domination Starts in the Kitchen', lunges at Ichigo with a flying dropkick.
"WAKE UP, SON! IT'S TIME TO DEFEND EARTH FROM THE INVISIBLE MENACE CALLED COMMON SENSE!"
Ichigo dodges lazily. "Oi Katsura — I mean, Dad. Can you chill? It's not even midnight."
"Zura janai! It's Isshin!"
At the dinner table sit two identical Elisabeses holding signboards. One reads 'I made curry!' The other reads 'It tastes like defeat!'
"Yuzu, Karin, stop arguing," Ichigo groans.
They hold up new signs.
'Not arguing.'
'We agree you're a bum.'
Typical family dinner.
Later that night
In Ichigo's room, things get weird.
A dense, suffocating spiritual pressure fills the air.
"Oi… what the hell is this? Feels like my rent's due."
Suddenly, Misaka 10031, wearing a black kimono and carrying a katana, phases through the wall like a Windows XP screensaver.
She stares at him flatly.
"Unexpected. Civilian detected spiritual anomaly."
Ichigo stares. "You walked through my wall."
"Confirmed. That is how walls work for me."
"…You okay?"
"No."
"I feel like I've seen you somewhere."
"Statistically improbable."
Misaka 10031 — or Rukia for legal reasons — hurriedly explains Hollows, Soul Reapers, and how spirits work. Her speech is clipped, robotic, and somehow makes less sense the more she talks.
Suddenly, her Soul Pager beeps.
"Hollow proximity: Immediate."
A deafening crash erupts as a giant Normal Titan (borrowed from Attack on Titan) smashes through the house wall, its grotesque white mask and howling mouth utterly out of place in suburban Karakura.
"Oh for the love of parfait," Ichigo curses.
The Titan looms, targeting Ichigo.