DEAR DIARY,
My alarm kept going off, signal for me to get ready for school of course my junkie mom wouldn't even care if I went or not, she was always obsessing about Marcus and how he was doing, but you know it's better than being in foster care, every day I wished I died in dads place that day but he died for me to live so suicide has never been an option. High school is another shitshow, rich girls calling me poor and trying to bully me, poor girls trying to fit in with the popular girls, cringe much if you asked me. My mother Ellen Stark gave birth to i and my brother when she was just a teen herself so was my father Richard Stark, growing up my father was more present than mom was and i was an obvious daddy's girl, he would always celebrate my birthdays and spend the time he can working so that we can have food to eat and save for our future, we weren't a very rich family but dad made sure everything went as smooth as it could made it harder for me to say goodbye to him when he passed, a very sad and traumatic passing mostly for me, my life has never remained the same since that day , sadness consumed me and darkness filled my heart , I'm still holding on to the memories of my father , I've not been able to say goodbye, dad always told me how smart i was and how proud of me he was, he would always tell me he wanted me to go to college and have a good enough job so I wouldn't have to suffer.
The 18th of April was my birthday, I had just turned 9 and dad took the day off at work cos he wanted to take me out to get ice cream and play in the park, we got ice cream and was heading back but when we were in the park playing I saw a squirrel and chased after it , I crossed the road without looking and a huge truck was about to hit me but dad pushed me out of the way and took my place, i watched my beloved father die, his body laying lifeless on the road ignoring the fact that the push twisted my ankle I dragged myself to where he was crying and screaming for someone to help , the scene was gathered in minutes and the police and an ambulance came in no time, the driver had already escaped but my father had left the earth and it took a while before I could accept it, i saw them cover him with a white cloth as they took him away. The police kept asking me questions but all I could hear was loud siren noises in a blur and the only thing that could come out of my mouth was "it should have been me". Mom hated me more every day and would curse me and say that I killed her husband, but she forgot he was my father too and he died right in front of me but deep down I felt like she was right and I was filled with instant regrets, I kept telling myself if I had known but I didn't know. Right after my father's death my home was no longer a home, his lawyers came to tell us about his trust that he left entirely to me for me to claim in case anything happened to him, mom was furious and confused as to why dad left everything to me but the fancy lawyers also came with a letter from dad to mom, the content of the letter was shocking, it showed paternity test results with the later which according to the letter Marcus was my half-brother and not his son, mom was having an affair that dad had found out about and kept a secret and that was why he left everything to me, mom was so furious and looked at me like she was going to rip me apart, there was so much hatred in her eyes for me like she was not the one that birthed me , she kept screaming and calling me bad luck. I was in the 5th grade at the time but I notice it all, when I had gone back to school the next week I could feel the pity and judging eyes all over me , I was no longer the happy kid everyone knew, every single feeling was numb but being in my father's grave I promised him I was going to fulfil his dreams , I would go to school, graduate and work in one of the big firms we would see in the city, of course it would be hard I knew it was going to be , without my mom's support and my dad not being with me anymore it all seemed hopeless but I was a determined little girl.
After my father's death mom started drinking more, smoking a lot and even taking pills, after a month she disappeared leaving I and Marcus alone in the house with nothing to eat, for two whole day we couldn't go to school and there were times I felt like I was going to be in after life. since we were absent the school contacted mom's family to do a routine checkup and that was when mom's younger sister and my aunt Michelle came to check how we were doing. when she came into the house, she found us lying unconscious in the little living room and hurriedly rushed us to the hospital, on her arrival they told her we were malnourished and haven't had anything to eat. I opened my eyes slowly and saw her sitting worriedly at the edge of my bed, she felt so relieved after i opened my eyes but so did I, tears began to roll down my cheeks as a sign of relief that someone was by my side, her hugged her tightly and cried as much as I little heart could bear, Marcus came into the room and joined the hug as he was also in tears, we had lost both our parents in different ways and were basically orphans. Aunt Michelle was able to help me claim my trust and divided into several amounts; it would be enough for us till I have to go to college, we had to stick together. Aunt Michelle moved in with us so we didn't have to switch schools, she took care of us like we were hers when my mom was nowhere to be found and then the nightmares begun, I would continuously have dreams of the incident I witnessed and the night was always filled with terror, my eyes filled with tears, my young heart filled with pain and regret and I started hating my birthdays
A year passed and still no trace of mom, I was going to be graduating from elementary school in a year and we were in a comfortable position, Aunt Michelle had started dating our hot neighbor next door and there were days that felt like my family was complete and other days I thought of things in a completely different angle, how could a mother leave her kids? we waited for her for so long but she just left us when we needed her the most, was it the pills or the alcohol? I don't know what it's like to be addicted but being a witness to all of it kills, I don't get it, did she not want to see her babies grow? I had so many questions and no one to answer then but sometimes I feel like I lost something that I never had cos if she really cared for us then why did she leave, will I ever get to see her again?, time passed and we began to notice changes in my aunts character and it was super obvious that she was expecting, we were so happy for them and the best part was that we had a plan , my aunt had been working at a salon and was making money so was her boyfriend , they had saved up enough to buy a house and after my graduation we would move in together and they would get married and have their baby, everything was perfect until she showed up. Mom was back after two long years; she came down in a luxurious car and acted like the house she once lived was now a stinky place, of course I was excited to see my mom I ran towards her threw my hands wanting to give her a big hug, I wanted to share everything with her and tell her about my good grades and high remarks I get from my teachers and talk about our baby on the way, I wanted her to be close to be while I graduate, everything that happened over the past 2 years were forgotten and I was just glad my mom was alive and breathing, she stopped me mid-way and asked for Marcus, i followed her inside and she met up with my aunt, they didn't exchange too much words, she asked again about Marcus and it felt like everyone but me understood what was going on , Marcuse's bags was all packed and she ordered her driver to put it in her car, she held his hand turning to look at me as she brushed past me to get into the car, as she was about to get in she looked back at me and smirked as she got into the car, the car zoomed off right in front of me as i stood there confused and wanting answers, what had just happened, why didn't she take me with her, did my aunt know she was coming? i had so many pending questions and no answers