BOOM'S NAME TODAY:💔 Swagpocalypse the Lovelorn, King of Left Swipes, Rizzler of Realms
Scene: Boom's spaceship is drifting through deep space after he accidentally sneezed on the warp drive and sent it to the Andromeda Galaxy.
He's trying to download Google Maps.
He ends up on a dating app for multiversal beings.
BOOM (scrolling):Okay... "Install GalacticMap+ or meet your soulmate"...What kinda ultimatum is that?
accidentally presses "install dating app"
A popup: "👁 YOU'VE MATCHED WITH 7 PEOPLE FROM YOUR PAST WHO HATE YOU."
BOOM:Please be normal please be normal please be n—
First match: "LuciYahweh666" – A demon lord ex he accidentally ghosted by sneezing a black hole into her DMs.
LuciYahweh666 (typing):"Oh look who's back. Thought you could vaporize half my castle and leave me on read?"
BOOM:Look, I didn't ghost you. The castle disintegrated mid-typing.
MATCH #2:"Vibra, Goddess of Overthinking" – broke up with Boom because he once said "lol" instead of "lmao" in a serious conversation.
BOOM (sighing):Why is every ex in this app wielding cosmic power and unresolved emotional trauma?
Meanwhile, Boom's phone starts glitching and he accidentally accepts a group date with all 7 at once.
💬 FAKE READER COMMENT SECTION 💬
@MultiverseMom69:Not Boom out here building a harem by accident 💀💀💀
@TheVillainIsHotActually:I'd date LuciYahweh666 frfr she can vaporize me emotionally and physically 🛐
@JustHereForBoomsElbow:Bro sneezed a multiversal cult into existence and now he's on Tinder. Peak fiction.
@AuthorStopDrinkingRedbull:Please. PLEASE start a plot. My GPA is crying and my brain is dry.
@PlotPolice:This man has gone 11 chapters with no arc. That's a war crime.
@ElbowWorshipper77:Don't care. Elbow supremacy. We ride at dawn.
Boom gets desperate and tries to ask the author for help.
BOOM (to the sky):HEY WRITER. HOW DO I UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS ROMANTIC NIGHTMARE?
The sky flickers. A giant keyboard appears, dripping sarcasm.
AUTHOR (floating):This is what happens when you let the story run itself.Now go date your mistakes like the rest of us.
BOOM:You're literally the author! FIX IT!
AUTHOR:No can do. I'm too busy rewatching One Piece and crying about deadlines.
Boom then opens a random portal to escape…Accidentally lands in an anime world where he's mistaken for the final villain.
NARRATOR:And so, with nothing but emotional damage, explosive powers, and a dating app he never wanted...Boom begins his next accidental arc.