The sun had barely risen, casting a golden hue over Kuoh's quiet streets. The air was filled with the scent of morning dew. Birds chirped cheerfully in the trees, and a gentle breeze rustled the leaves, promising a peaceful start to the day.
Inside the Hyoudou household, the scent of breakfast filled the air—freshly cooked eggs, sizzling bacon, and the comforting aroma of miso soup. The kitchen was already lively, with Tamamo humming a tune while flipping pancakes and Yuuka stirring coffee, handing cups to Miki and Garou. Misuki, ever the caretaker, placed a plate in front of Sakura, who sleepily rubbed her eyes before starting to eat.
Issei, still groggy with sleep, trudged downstairs in a half-conscious state. His hair was a mess, his shirt was wrinkled, and his mind was only focused on one goal—breakfast.
Everything was calm.
And then—
Knock! Knock!
Miki Hyoudou, already up and cheerful, hummed as she walked over to the door. The moment she opened it, she found their next-door neighbor, a spry old man in his seventies with slicked-back silver hair and the air of a retired troublemaker, stood with his hands on his hips, radiating absolute confidence. His wrinkled face stretched into a grin as his sharp eyes zeroed in on Issei, who had just stumbled down the stairs and into the doorway, still half-asleep.
"Didn't know you had it in you, kid." He smirked, voice filled with admiration. "Respect."
Issei froze mid-step, his brain grinding to a halt. His sleepy brain lagged. Processing… Processing… "...What?!"
Tamamo, delicately sipping her tea at the table, giggled behind her sleeve. "Ufufu~! Word travels fast, doesn't it?" She says as she recalled how loud their conversation had been yesterday night. The neighbors must have heard everything.
Yuuka, who was helping in serving breakfast, gave a plate to Garou, who was reading the newspaper. She raised an eyebrow. "What exactly is he talking about?"
"Someone must have been eavesdropping when we came to Issei's home." Misuki says as she sets another plate for Sakura to eat.
Miki leaned against the door, grinning. "I told you our neighborhood was close."
Issei's stomach dropped.
Tanaka let out a hearty chuckle, clearly enjoying the clueless expression on Issei's face. "Oh, you know! The whole neighborhood knows! Three women? No, wait, was it four? And a kid already?! Damn, we all thought you were just some scrawny pervert, but turns out you're a legend!"
Issei made a strangled noise, his entire soul leaving his body. "Who told you that?!"
But Tanaka was already walking away, whistling to himself as if he hadn't just detonated a nuclear bomb in Issei's morning.
—---------------
By the time Issei left the house, alone, heading to school, the rumors had already spread like wildfire.
And unfortunately for him—
People talked. Loudly.
Issei barely stepped onto the sidewalk when he overheard a group of elderly ladies, gathered outside Mrs. Sasaki's house, were in deep discussion, their whispers only barely below shouting level.
"Did you hear? The Hyoudou boy brought home four women!"
"I heard one of them called herself his wife!"
"And another one already gave him a daughter!"
"Miki was yelling about grandkids!"
Issei tripped over his own feet.
'They think Sakura is my actual daughter?!'
As Issei walked further down the street toward school, the whispers spread like wildfire.
And, just like a game of telephone, the story mutated every time he passed another group gossiping.
"You don't think he… kidnapped them, do you?"
"Oh, please! With a plain face like that? He must be LOADED!"
"I bet he's a secret billionaire!"
Issei groaned, dragging his hands down his face. 'Why am I suddenly rich in this version of events?!'
It got worse.
By the time he reached the school gates, the rumors had become urban legend material.
"I heard Issei Hyoudou is actually a genius who built his fortune in secret!"
"No, no! I heard he's an underground crime lord! He finally settled down with his many brides after conquering the underworld!"
"Are you kidding?! He's obviously royalty! You don't just find four beautiful women and a kid overnight!"
"I heard his wives are ex-assassins that he defeated in combat!"
Issei came to a dead stop at the school entrance.
'WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS HAPPENING?!'
Before he could even react, the school's biggest troublemakers rushed up to him.
"Issei! You Bastard!"
Suddenly, two human missiles slammed into him from both sides. He staggered backward, barely managing to stay on his feet, as his so-called best friends, Matsuda and Motohama, latched onto him like rabid dogs.
Matsuda had tears of frustration in his eyes as he violently shook Issei by the shoulders, his grip filled with betrayal. "How?! Why?! When?!" He wailed. "You have a wife?!"
Motohama, adjusting his glasses with a dramatic shine, was practically vibrating with energy. "And an adorable daughter?!"
Issei's head flopped back and forth like a ragdoll. "GAH—Let go of me!"
"Never!" Matsuda howled. "Not until you tell us everything!"
"I aint telling you shit!"
Before Issei could even deny it, a new voice sliced through the chaos like a sharp blade..
""Issei Hyoudou"
Aika Kiryuu, the perverted female version of him and his friends, had arrived. Her smirk was dangerous. Her smirk was dangerous. Her eyes gleamed like a predator that had just found its prey. She stepped closer, her movements slow and deliberate, letting the moment sink in.
"Secret billionaire, criminal mastermind, harem king, and father?" She stepped closer, eyes sharp. "How exactly did you pull that off?"
Issei opened his mouth— but nothing came out. He was lost in what to say. He simply left for class. With the three following him.
—--------------------------
Kuoh Academy, Classroom
By the time Issei stepped into class, he was already mentally exhausted.
He had barely survived the absolute circus of insane rumors outside. Now, all he wanted was to sit down, pretend none of this was happening, and somehow get through the day in peace.
Too bad peace didn't exist in his life anymore.
Because the moment he walked through the door—
Silence.
A suffocating, unnatural silence engulfed the entire room.
It wasn't the kind of comfortable silence one experienced in a sleepy morning class. No.
This was the kind of ominous, horror-movie silence that preceded something terrible.
Dozens of female eyes snapped onto him, their collective stares boring into his soul. The sheer intensity of their curiosity was so oppressive, it felt like he had just walked onto a battlefield unarmed.
Slowly, stiffly, Issei shuffled to his desk and sat down.
The silence remained.
He gulped. 'Okay. Maybe if I don't say anything, they'll just—'
Whisper. Whisper.
From the far side of the room, a girl leaned toward her friend, her voice barely hushed.
"I heard he married a princess from overseas!"
Another student immediately added, "I heard he's secretly part of the Yakuza!"
Issei twitched. 'Where are people even getting this?! I was only gone yesterday!'
His fingers drummed against the desk as more whispers began creeping into his ears. His patience frayed.
More voices joined in.
"I heard his wives are all former assassins!"
"No, no! He's actually royalty—he was in hiding, but now his true identity is coming out!"
"I refuse to believe that pervert is royalty.!"
Issei let out a long, suffering groan and slammed his forehead onto the desk.
'This is getting out of control.'
And then—
BANG!
The classroom door slides open.
Students flinched in their seats, some yelping in surprise.
And then—
She stepped in.
A short figure, clad in the Kuoh Academy uniform, strode into the room with graceful precision. Her movements were controlled, calculated, and filled with silent authority.
Her sharp violet eyes locked onto him, glinting behind the faint reflection of her rectangular glasses.
Sona Sitri.
The Student Council President.
Issei froze.
Oh no.
She adjusted her glasses, standing at the front of the class with the presence of a queen addressing her subjects.
Issei barely managed to keep a straight face as Sona Sitri's piercing gaze bore into him like a predator eyeing its next meal.
The entire classroom was silent, the weight of every student's curiosity pressing down on him.
"Hyoudou," Sona said again, her voice calm but firm. "We need to talk."
Issei gulped, knowing there was no escape. "Uh… s-sure, Kaichou."
Sona gestured toward the hallway, and he hesitantly followed, fully aware of the countless eyes burning holes into his back.
The moment the door shut behind them—
The classroom exploded with whispers.
"...Is he getting arrested?"
Someone gasped. "The yakuza rumors were true?!"
————
The moment they were alone, Sona turned to him, arms crossed, her gaze unwavering.
"Would you care to explain?" she began, adjusting her glasses. "Why is the entire school suddenly buzzing with rumors about you?"
Issei let out a nervous chuckle. "Uh… define buzzing?"
Sona narrowed her eyes.
"Secret billionaire. Crime lord. Royalty. Assassin harem master."
Her deadpan tone combined with her utterly unamused stare made Issei want to crawl into a hole.
He groaned, dragging a hand down his face. 'Oh my God, it's even worse than I thought.'
Sherri's voice chimed in through his mind, her tone dry and unimpressed. 'Master, I do believe you've set a new record for most absurd rumors in a single morning.'
'Not helping, Sherri.' He muttered internally.
Sona let out a sigh, rubbing her temple. "I eventually expected ridiculous rumors involving you, but this is excessive. What exactly is going on?"
Issei scrambled for an answer, his brain working overtime.
'Master, I can provide a solution.'
Issei barely resisted the urge to sigh in relief. He subtly adjusted his wrist, pretending to scratch it as he listened.
'Tell her that a family is currently staying at your house due to unfortunate circumstances. This will explain the presence of multiple women without raising supernatural suspicion.'
'Good thinking, Sherri!'
"Ah, about that…" Issei rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "It's really just a big misunderstanding."
Sona arched an eyebrow. "Go on."
"Yeah, um…" He forced out an awkward laugh. "A family is staying at our house because of, uh, some misfortune they ran into."
Sona's eyes narrowed slightly, but she seemed intrigued rather than outright suspicious. "A family?"
Issei nodded quickly. "Yeah! They're kind of… in a tough spot right now, so my parents let them stay with us. And, well… people kinda blew it out of proportion."
Sona studied him closely, as if trying to detect any deception in his words.
Then, after a long moment, she nodded.
"I see." She adjusted her glasses. "Then that would mean the rumors of you suddenly being married, adopting a child, or running an underground criminal empire are all—?"
"Completely false!" Issei cut in before she could even finish.
Sona stared at him for a long moment.
Then—
She sighed and relaxed slightly. "Very well."
'Wait, really? That worked?!'
But Sona wasn't finished. "Then allow me to ask something else while we're here."
"Huh?"
Sona's sharp gaze locked onto him once again. "You mentioned this family. I assume one of them is school-aged, and I've been informed that there's a request for a transfer student—one Yuuka Hana, to enroll at Kuoh Academy for her final year. Is she supposedly linked to you?"
Issei blinked. "Wait. You mean Yuuka?"
Sona nodded. "I'm assuming this is related to the family staying with you?"
'Damn. She's sharp as always. Oh, this is my chance!'
"Yeah! Actually, the girl staying with us needs to finish her final year of high school."
Sona studied him again, then nodded. "That's not an unreasonable request. If she has the necessary identification, I'll have Saji handle the paperwork. Expect a formal meeting later to go over the details."
Issei let out a huge sigh of relief.
'Holy crap, I managed to fix something for once!'
Sona adjusted her glasses. "Just… try to avoid any more ridiculous rumors, Hyoudou."
"...Yeah, I can't promise that."
She gave him an unimpressed look before walking off.
— — — — —
As Issei stepped back into the classroom, the entire room fell silent.
Dozens of female students turned to look at him, their wide, expectant eyes locked onto his every movement.
It was the kind of stare one might give a man walking into his own execution.
His movements felt unnaturally slow as he shuffled toward his desk, each step heavy with dread.
He barely slumped into his chair before—
"Did you get arrested?!"
Issei nearly fell out of his seat. "WHAT?! NO!"
But it was too late.
Like a dam breaking, the classroom erupted into chaos.
"What did she say?! Are you getting expelled?!"
"Is she secretly your fiancée?!"
"Wait, wait—was it about the Yakuza thing?!"
Issei slammed his forehead onto the desk, his patience obliterated.
'Kill me. Just kill me now.'
Sona had barely interrogated him for five minutes, and yet somehow, the school had already built an entire conspiracy web.
Thankfully, the lesson finally started, forcing everyone to calm down. The whispers gradually faded as the teachers took control, and for the first time since waking up, Issei had something resembling peace.
—---------------------------------------
The morning lessons passed in a blur.
Issei barely paid attention, his body exhausted from the relentless rumors and insane speculation. But despite everything, a small victory lifted his mood.
He had managed to get Yuuka's transfer started.
'Finally! Something that actually went well today!'
He sighed in relief, stretching slightly as lunch break arrived.
As he pulled out his bento, a rare, content smile crossed his face.
'At least I can relax and eat now.'
But the moment he opened it—
A heavenly aroma of expertly crafted, restaurant-tier food wafted into the air.
For a single, fleeting second, Issei was too distracted by the sheer beauty of the meal before him to notice the looming danger.
"What is this?!"
A pair of hands slammed down onto his shoulders, shaking him violently.
Matsuda and Motohama had pounced.
Matsuda's eyes were wide, trembling with emotion. "This is not your usual food, Issei!"
Motohama, adjusting his glasses with a suspicious glint, leaned in. "This aroma… this presentation… this level of craftsmanship…"
His voice dropped into a dramatic whisper. "You didn't make this, did you?"
Issei tried to shove them away. "Back off, it's just my lunch!"
But they were already inspecting the bento like detectives examining a crime scene.
The rice was shaped into tiny hearts.
The tamagoyaki had "For My Darling~" written in sauce.
A small note was tucked into the side.
'Eat well, my beloved~! Ufufu~! –Mizukame.'
A long pause.
Then—
Matsuda screamed.
"You're actually dating someone!!!"
The entire classroom turned to look.
Hundreds of heads snapped toward them like owls spotting prey.
The noise level spiked instantly.
And then—
Aika Kiryuu appeared.
Like a devil summoned by sheer chaos, she materialized beside them, her grin positively wicked.
"Ooooh~?" Aika purred, eyes glinting mischievously. "Who's this? Mizukame, huh?"
Issei's soul left his body.
He slammed the lid shut. "NO ONE!"
Motohama glared at him. "It's literally written in sauce."
Matsuda grabbed him again, shaking him harder. "You have a girlfriend?! You?! How?!"
Issei wanted to die.
But it was too late.
His classmates exploded.
"The pervert actually has a girlfriend?!"
"How did that pervert pull that off?!"
"He must be blackmailing her."
Issei's eye twitched violently.
"I am not blackmailing anyone!"
Aika giggled, looking way too entertained. "Oh, Issei, you're never living this down~!"
And with that—
The harem rumors continue to grow.
—------------------------------------------
The sun hung low in the sky over Kuoh Academy. The once lively school was now winding down, with students either heading home or staying behind for club activities.
For Issei, the day had been long.
Painfully long.
His mind still reeled from the absurd events of the day—the wild rumors, Sona's interrogation, and the lunchroom disaster that had officially labeled him as "the pervert who somehow has a girlfriend."
'I just want to go home and see some boobs.' He was sure that Tamamo or Yuuka would let him hug them and allow their boobs his mental stress.
He had almost made it.
He was steps away from the school gate, freedom within reach.
And then—
"Issei!"
His stomach dropped.
Before he could react, a pair of arms slung around his shoulders.
Matsuda and Motohama. His so-called best friends.
The duo flanked him on either side, grinning like maniacs.
Matsuda wiggled his eyebrows. "Brooo~! You seem like you're in a hurry! Going home to your special someone, hmm?"
Motohama adjusted his glasses, the lenses gleaming dangerously. "Or maybe… you're heading home early so you can finally get rid of your V-Card?"
Issei choked on air.
"What?! No! That's not—!"
Matsuda ignored him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "C'mon, man. Before you go back to your new and improved 'girlfriend-having' life, how about we do something fun?"
Issei narrowed his eyes. "…Fun how?"
Matsuda and Motohama exchanged devious grins.
"You see," Matsuda said, "the Kendo Club is practicing right now…"
Motohama smirked. "And we were thinking of doing a little 'extracurricular viewing session.'"
Issei's eye twitched.
They wanted to peep again.
Of course they did.
Issei hesitated.
It was tradition, after all. The three of them had attempted to spy on the Kendo Club multiple times, though they usually got their asses handed to them by the female members.
'On one hand… Kendo girls…'
But then—
He thought about the people waiting for him at home.
Yuuka, Misuki, Tamamo… and of course Sakura. And then there was Ddraig. The dragon had made him promise to start training. He had already delayed it long enough.
'I gotta start taking things seriously…' As memories of distress about not being able to fight back and punch that blond bastard or the beat down from the shitty priest. Never again.
Issei sighed, shaking his head. "Sorry, guys. Can't. Got things to do."
Silence.
Matsuda and Motohama froze, their expressions twisting into sheer horror.
Matsuda grabbed his shoulders. "You're turning down peeping?! Who even are you?! What have they done to you?!"
Motohama gasped. "Oh my god. You're whipped."
Issei twitched. "I AM NOT WHIPPED!"
Matsuda dramatically recoiled. "He's in denial. Classic signs of a man in chains!"
Motohama shook his head. "It's over, man. He's gone. Our brother is truly, irreversibly… domesticated."
Issei gritted his teeth.
"I'm not domesticated! I just have actual priorities!"
Matsuda sniffled. "Listen to him… he's responsible now. So tragic…"
Motohama patted his back. "Rest in peace, Issei Hyoudou. Gone, but not forgotten."
"WHATEVER!" Issei threw their arms off and marched off toward the school gate, ignoring the whispers behind him.
"Yup. Definitely whipped."
"Domesticated as hell."
"Think he already calls her 'honey'?"
"SHUT UP!"
As he stormed away, he could hear their snickers.
But he didn't care.
He had escaped.
Now, all that was left was home.
—------------------------------------------------
By the time Issei reached his neighborhood, he felt like he had barely escaped with his life.
Between the rumors, the interrogation, the lunchroom fiasco, and his idiot friends declaring him 'domesticated,' he was mentally fried.
'At least now I can finally—'
The moment he opened the front door and he froze.
Because kneeling in the entryway, clad in aprons over their completely bare bodies, were— Yuuka and Tamamo.
Both smiling.
Both looking way too smug.
And then—
"Welcome home, Darling~!"
Issei's soul momentarily left his body. His brain blue-screened. His sanity screamed. His nosebleed confirmed his demise.
Yuuka's voice was sweet and playful, but the mischievous glint in her eyes made his stomach drop.
Tamamo, of course, beamed.
"Would you like dinner, a bath…"
They both leaned in. Eyes glinting. Voices sultry.
"Or us?"
Issei's face exploded red as blood spurted from his nose. "—HUH?!"
Tamamo giggled behind her hand. "Ara, ara~! My dear husband is so flustered! Could it be… he actually wants to choose us?"
Yuuka smirked. "C'mon, Issei-kun~! You're always talking about stuff like this at school. What's the matter? Can't handle it?"
Issei backed up immediately, waving his hands frantically.
"W-WHAT?! WHY ARE YOU EVEN SAYING THIS?!"
Tamamo tilted her head.
"Because it's fun~!"
Yuuka laughed. "Your reactions are priceless."
At that moment—
Misuki walked in from the living room, casually carrying a cup of tea. She took one look at the scene in front of her, arched an eyebrow, and sighed.
"Really, you two?" she said, taking a slow sip of her tea. "At least let him take his shoes off first."
"We're just doing what our mother-in-law told us to do."
Tamamo's cheerful response made Issei choke on his own spit.
"SHE WHAT?!"
A small voice. From behind the couch.
Sakura, peeking out innocently, blinked. "…Papa is red."
Yuuka grinned. "Yup! His perverted brain, probably short-circuited!"
Issei sputtered. "My brain did not—!!"
Before he could finish, Tamamo hugged him.
Tightly.
His face was immediately buried into her chest.
Warm. Soft. Heaven.
Tamamo gently stroked his hair. "There, there, my darling~!" she cooed, pressing him even closer. "Don't worry! I'll always be here to pamper you~!"
Yuuka rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just hurry up and get inside before the neighbors see us and the rumors get worse."
As Tamamo continued hugging him, her warmth melting his stress away, Issei couldn't help but smile. A perverted, satisfied smile. 'I love my life.'