Eliza's POV
Her letters are making me cry and smile at the same time. This is the first time i feel this much loved. I opened my last letter with a pink seal.
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My Little Girl,
Every year, on the same day, I would wake up with an ache in my chest and a whisper in my heart:
"Today is her birthday."
Your birthday.
I never got to celebrate even one of them with you, not the way I longed to. But in my heart, I celebrated all of them. Quietly. Silently. With tears and cake and a name no one else ever heard me speak aloud.
For your first birthday, I imagined you smashing cake with your tiny hands, your face smeared with frosting, your laughter the only music I needed. I would've bought you the softest dress, taken too many pictures, and held you close while singing off-key lullabies.
For your fifth, I imagined balloons and bright colors and messy drawings you'd gift me like masterpieces. I would've made your favorite meal — or what I guessed it would be — and told you over and over again how proud I was of the little person you were becoming.
For your tenth, I imagined a growing girl full of questions and dreams. Maybe you'd roll your eyes at my singing by then, or ask for a sleepover with friends. Still, I would've stayed up late just to watch you sleep peacefully after a day filled with love.
And every birthday after that… I imagined the candles growing in number, but my love for you never changing. Whether you were near or far, whether you knew me or not… I always blew out one candle in your name.
I just wanted to make you feel special. To make you feel celebrated. To remind you, year after year, that your life—your very existence—was a gift to this world. To me.
I don't know how your birthdays were spent. I hope someone remembered. I hope someone made you feel loved. But if no one did… then let me say it now:
Happy Birthday, my girl.
You were wanted.
You were cherished.
And every single year, I celebrated you… in my own quiet, aching way.
With all the love and all the wishes you never got to hear,
Mom
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I finished reading all her letters. I wish i was with her. If it was, i would have been that innocent and happy girl. I can't understand the depth of her pain completely but i can feel the warmth of her love.
I opened her journal book. In each page, she left a space to stick my photos. Maybe she thought to ask me for my childhood photos. I didn't saved any because, I don't want to keep any memories that can relate with my childhood. I deleted all of them.
But there was a photo of me in her journal's last page. It was caught when i was born. I smiled at my little self.
My phone rang. It was Claire. Why is calling me now?
I took the call and put it in speaker.
"Hello?"
[What's the code?]
"What?"
[The lock of your diary.]
"Ohh! that's 721 "
[Okay. Goodnight]
I hang up the call.
I let out a sigh. Then lied on the bed. Tears streamed down my face.
"God, why did you give this tragic life to such a pure woman like her? Why are always choosing the innocent ones to be hurt?".
I took some deep breaths.
I am not a perfect person. It's totally normal. It's okay to be imperfect. Imperfectness makes us unique.
At the end of darkness maybe there are shining stars waiting for us to come.
I stood up then walked towards the balcony in room. I opened the curtains and it's glass door.
At the instant i stepped out cold breeze brushed my body, soothening my soul. I leaned on the wall, gazing to distance in the dark.
I wish her love won't fade. There's a lot of unanswered question that makes confused. This is not an end. I have a lot to survive in God's bucket list. He made so many adventures for me. I want to heal myself. Having mental issues and traumas are not a privilege but a weakness that steal your happiness away, that drain your energy day by day. If i go like this in my entire life, i won't be able to help myself. Now I am a 16 year old but never be the same. As long as time passes i need to grow. Healing is a process. I need to face my fears to overcome them. I can't be scared everything. Maybe it's a new beginning without an end.
I feel a bit sleepy now. I locked the door of balcony then laid on the bed.
As I drifted into a deep slumber, I felt God's whispers echoing in my soul, like a gentle breeze that carried the weight of eternity, speaking secrets and promises that resonated deep within my heart, filling me with an overwhelming sense of peace, love, and divine presence.
I won't give you such burdens that you can't carry on your shoulders. I am showing you how capable you are to carry those loads. I made you stronger to face the challenges without fears that others can't face.
And that's what makes you unique.You're my special creation. A kind of masterpiece who can show others how to live a life.
I don't know whether it's my inner self or god.
Our life is our own creation. Our decisions males the future and shapes our life.