We used the stairs to reach the second floor. "This is mostly guest rooms," she said. "And a few parlors and smoking rooms. There's a billiards room and a cigar room."
"Wonderful," I said. "Just like the game clue. Are there secret passages?"
"Of course," said Cali. "They're the servant hallways. Narrow passageways for when you don't want the staff being seen. Though, I doubt that will be a problem. This isn't like the old days when parties were hosted and we had lots of guests. Times have changed."
"True," I said. "It feels... really wasteful to have all this space."
"Oh, it's important space," she said as we passed a strange totem pole in a niche that looked... stained with soot. The animals all had a sinister cast to them. "Everything in this house is very important. It always must have a master and his maids. Always."
"Okay," Kylie said. "I hate this place. Mom."
"Cali's right," she said, seemingly stoned again. "Master and his maid. Your father told me that. Haywards have a proud tradition."
"Guardians," said Cali. "That's what Hayward means. A man who watches the walls. Be proud, Master Lance. And you, Kylie. You have that same noble blood in your veins. You can feel this place whispering to you, can't you?"
"Yeah, telling me to get the fuck out," Kylie muttered as she clung to me.
"And you, Master Lance?" asked Cali, her purple eyes glancing back at me.
I frowned. What did I feel? I glanced at the painting. At those strange shadows lurking in the corners. "I feel something... simmering."
"Mmm, yes," she said. "Master Mortimer's death came at a precipitous moment. But you are here. Hayward Manor will continue on through you. I hope your seed is more fecund than your uncle's."
My cheeks warmed.
"God, she wants you to have babies," Kylie said. "You don't even have a wife."
"No," said Cali, "but such matters can be arranged. Your uncle had five wives but no heirs from any of them. It was a great disappointment."
"God, and he still has this place with all the alimony he must have been paying to the ex's," said my little sister, shaking her head.
"I didn't know he had any wives," I said. "Mom?"
"No," she said. "Just those five maids that he brought to the wedding." She shuddered at a picture. "This art is creepy. But you say it's important."
"Each and every one of them," said Cali as she led us down the hallway. The light fixtures, disguised as old-fashioned lanterns in sconces, gave the steady glow of electric lights. LED's from their hue. So modern in a place so old.
We reached the third floor. "This has always been for the family. If you and your family had ever visited, you would have stayed in one of the suites here. It is also where the servant quarters are found."
"The servants would sleep by us?" I asked. "I thought the English had their propriety."
"They do, but the Masters of Hayward Manor have always had a close relationship with the serving girls and maids." Cali winked over her shoulder at me.
"Is she implying that they were molesting all the maids," my sister whispered.
"It's not molesting if they're willing and eager," said Cali. "Did your father tell you nothing of your grandfather and his harem? They were quite the lively bunch of maids."
"Grandfather had a harem?" gasped Kylie. "I never heard that! Dad never liked to talk about his side of the family much. I'm getting why. This was a mistake, Lance."
"We're here," I said. "Maybe our quarters aren't so... decorated."
Cali reached a door that was more ornate than most and lay at the end of the hallway. "Here is the master suite. It is an apartment in and of itself with its own kitchen, two bathrooms, six bedrooms, a sitting room, and a living room." She opened the door onto a small antechamber that had a tiny bed against the wall. "For the maid on duty to greet any visitors that might come in the night."
Through this room, we came onto a sitting room. Which looked rather Victorian with a fireplace. No creepy pictures, though. Windows were looking out on the grounds. Through another door, we found a room that turned ninety degrees and appeared to be the east end of the house. A living room with more modern furniture. Couch, two recliners, a love seat, and a big-screen TV.
"Thank god for that," I muttered.
The maid smiled. "Kitchen is at the end." She pointed to another door. "That's the hallway to the six bedrooms and the two bathrooms. They are, of course, for the master and his five maids. And me. But until your son chooses those five maids, you and your daughter, Mrs. Hayward, can each have your own."
"And where do you sleep?" I asked.
"With the master, of course," said Cali.
Kylie rolled her eyes. "Of course. This is getting so depraved. You got your own bang-maid with a mansion and a bunch of money. And I get to live here. Awesome."
It was sort of awesome. But I didn't say that.
"Now, I have the kitchen fully stocked on basic necessities. Drinks, snacks, and enough food for a few days worth of meals." The maid smiled. "Mrs. Hayward, if you would like to start on dinner, your children and I can fetch your luggage. I am sorry for making you carry your own suitcase, Master, but we are short-handed.
"No, no, that's fine," I said.
"Yeah, yeah, let's go get our stuff," muttered Kylie. "If the ghosts or hobgoblins haven't taken them yet."
"They only come out after midnight," Cali said with a light tone. "And vanish by 3:33 AM."
"Why 3:33 AM?" I asked. "That's so specific."
She glanced back at me as we headed through the suite, "It's an old wives tale. That it is when evil is strongest in the world. They say Christ died at 3:33 in the afternoon. Before sunset and the Sabbath began. So the inverse is the time of evil."
"Right, right," Kylie said.
But there was something about this place. The paintings. The artifacts. I felt like I was in some H.P Lovecraft scenario. Though none of those stories came with a sexy maid with purple eyes--god, were those not contacts?--that wanted to fuck me.
I wanted to ask if she was serious about going to bed with me. I couldn't help but get another hardon as I headed down the hallway then down the grand staircase to the entrance hall. We went out the doors. The car was still there. We unloaded the luggage, the trunk and back seat crammed with suitcases.
"Master Lance," said Cali, "the carriage house is behind the house. Follow the driveway around it and park your car in there besides your new vehicles."