{Clark's POV} moments before
I stood in front of my quarter's door. The idea of leaving my room to go see her bounced around in my mind. Should I go or should I remain? Neither question left me feeling as if it was going to end well. I walked away from everything....
My shoulders lowered as I let out a sigh.
"You can do this," I muttered to myself.
Ah yes, my usual heroic pep sentence for young heroes. Sadly this time it wasn't one of them who needed to hear it, I was me. Over the past ten years, I'd been telling myself that just to get through my day but now I truly needed to hear myself saying it. The childhood butterflies of youth had started to well up within me.
I took in a long deep breath. It had been a long time since I felt this level of nerves. Especially linked with someone that I cared for. Cared for... The words lingered in my mind yet at this moment they seemed inadequate.
Nervously, I ran my fingers through my long curls as I closed the door to my old quarters behind me. As the door closed shut, I instinctively looked over to Diana's old room. Countless nights I'd been where I stood now. Contemplating on whether to walk over to her room and...
Lost in a world of what might have been I found myself standing in front of her old door with my hand about to open the door. But sadly she wasn't there. She'd moved to the farthest point away from being next to me in the Watchtower.
"You didn't care, Clark," I added as I pulled my hand away from the door's control panels.
The bitter-tasting words stung as they left my mouth but they were no lie. If I truly cared for her then I would have been man enough not to run away from my feelings for her. Hell, I wouldn't have been playing househusband for a decade. No... I was just weak. A weak frightened little boy of the unknown and she was the unknown.
My heart faltered as the negative thoughts consumed me as I turned away from her door. I slowly walked away. Off in the distance, I could hear the gasps and whispers of the Watchtower. If I wanted to speak to Diana alone, I needed to get to her before the others got to me.
So I ran. I rushed down the corridors with lightning speed. I blew past a few of the younger members, nearly knocking them down.
"Sorry," I said as I rushed past.
Whether they heard me or not that didn't matter, my time was running out. I reached the central elevator with the sound of the league following behind me. Swiftly I pressed the elevator button.
"Superman....." he shouted.
I continued to press the button as I heard Ollie's voice continue to call out to me.
"Damnit...." he hissed breathlessly.
I glanced over my shoulder just as the door opened. Ping....
"You back?" he asked.
I didn't reply. I swiftly stepped into the elevator and closed the door in front of the crowd. I collapsed against the back of the elevator. With a sigh, I pressed the button up. I felt J'onzz trying to reach out to me.
"She's on the observation level," he said in my head.
I was a bit shocked by his answer.
"J'onzz there are no dormitories on that level,"
J'onzz sighed, "I made a room for her up there..."
"Why?"
Ping....
As I was asking J'onzz a question, the elevator door opened. J'onzz didn't reply. Whatever I was asking wasn't going to be answered, not anymore. He's turned off his comlink, leaving me all alone with the longest few steps of my life.
"Thanks, J'onzz," I scoffed to myself.
A part of me knew that he'd heard me. I could hear his monotone laughter in the back of my mind. Like always he knew I needed to do this alone without any interference. After another deep sigh, I made my way out of the elevator. I tried to gather myself together as I made my way further into the observation deck.
The stars above me guided my journey through the observation deck's entry area. As I walked my head began to once more be filled with a never-ending sea of questions about how this meeting would play out. Would she even want to talk to me after just walking away? She had a quick wit and a sharper tongue. Unlike me, she never hid her emotions. She was raw and open. This made her a tender soul. What could I offer a soul like that? Did I even know how to care for someone like her?
Lois could be described as a 'tender-hearted woman', but her fixation on being with Superman drowned out the softer side she wore on her sleeves. I'd lived with Lois for a decade without feeling the way my one night with Diana did.
After our night together she vanished like a mist in the early morning. I felt her soft lips on my mouth and by the time I opened my eyes she was about to leap off of the edge of the building.
"Hey, I don't even know your name!" I shouted as I stared over the edge of Bruce's rooftop.
"Diana..."
She said her name with the softest smile on her lips. My greatest regret was not leaping off the roof after her, but I was too afraid. I wasn't 'out' as Superman and I still have some level of anonymity. Anonymity was taught to cherish above all.
"They can't harm you if they can't see you, Clark,"
That's what Pa always said before he died. Like a fool, I took his words literally. I shouldn't be seen and I'd paid the price for it...
"Don't look back," I thought to myself.
I shook those thoughts from my mind. It was ten years too late to travel down the road not taken. I was a coward that day. Plain and simple. And I was doubly a coward the three or so years after she officially came to our world. During those few years after our night together I moved on...
"Right Clark," I scoffed under my breath.
Ah... yes, my big lie. A lie I told myself, my mother, and Lois. The truth of the matter was that I hadn't moved on from that night. It haunted my dreams and my every waking moment. I never moved on with Lois. I was weak and she was there. She wanted to fill the void that someone had left within me. Apart from me felt sick to my stomach at the thought of what Lois might have done if she ever knew that the woman who left me a shambles was Diana. She lived in the shadow of someone so close.
She constantly questioned my relationship with Diana after our first official meeting. Diana saw me from across the room and the smile on her face faded the moment she saw Lois kiss me. After that moment she never smiled or showed any overly friendly emotions around me.
Maybe it was selfish of me to not let Lois go the moment Diana walked back into my life. But fear is a powerful thing.
Looking back over the past ten years I'd come to realize that I'd been punishing myself for walking away from Diana all those years ago. I didn't deserve a woman like Diana because if I did then I would have taken the road not traveled and been with her. She was my other half, a sad truth that took too long to understand.
I needed to clear the air between us. I needed to tell her what I felt towards her. I needed to beg for forgiveness...
"You ass..."
I heard Diana's voice echo from the far side of the observation deck. Her heart rate surged. I rushed down the hallway until I made my way to her quarters. My feet stuttered as I came to a full stop in front of her door. I pressed the side panel to open the door. As the door opened Diana tumbled through the door and I landed atop her. Her raven hair caressed my face.
"Nice to see you too Diana, now tell me how you feel about me Diana," I said as I blew her hair out of my face.
Her eyes slowly looked up my chest and up to my eyes.
"Superman," she said in a shocked soft voice.
I nodded as she studied my face. Had I changed that much in ten years? After a long silence between us, I cleared my throat.
"Hello old friend," I said.
"Hello... Kal..." she replied.
For a moment her full face lit up. And then it happened...
"I mean Superman..." she added as all the joy faded from her face.
Swiftly she floated to her feet and took several steps away from me. Sadness filled me the moment she pulled her hands off of my chest.
"What brings you here?"
I took in a deep breath as the coldness of her voice hit me.
"I needed to see an old friend," I replied.
Diana turned her back to me and started to head back into her quarters.
"Bruce is in the monitor room," she answered.
She was almost in the room but I reached out for her arm.
"I'm not here to see Bruce,"
She suddenly stopped and I felt her arm tremble in my grasp.
"Go back home Superman," she said with a hint of venom in her voice. "We don't need you here..."
"I'm here because I wanted to see my best friend..."
She laughed a cold and soulless laugh as she pulled her arm away from me.
"I see no friends here, do you?" She spat back. "As I said, just go home."
She turned and looked at me.
"I'm sure Lois needs you for something,"
Off in the distance, I could hear footsteps approaching. I needed to tell her what I needed to do before someone came and ruined it.
"I left Lois...." I blurted out.
Diana's jaw dropped. She searched my face to see if I was lying.
"... say something Diana please..." I said. "Go and get your lasso if you need confirmation..."
"Why..."
I took a step towards her.
"Because I..."
"Damn it..."
Both me and Diana looked over to Bruce rushing up between us.
"...Are you alright Diana?" he asked as he stepped in between us.
She brushed away his concern and turned back to me.
"Leave us..." she ordered.
"Diana..."
"I don't need..." Diana paused for a moment. "You don't need to be here for this...."
Bruce's eyes bored into mine. Never had I seen such hate in his eyes. Not even when Joker killed Robin did he have such a look of disdain on his face.
"You broke her, Clark," he hissed as he pointed to me.
I felt like a chastised child as he scolded me.
"I didn't mean to...."
"You didn't mean to..." Bruce scoffed. "You left her for a woman who treated you like shit. I don't care about you leaving the damn league, we all need a break but damn Clark she cried for weeks because of you!"
I felt my fist tighten.
"Bruce..." Diana said calmly.
"No Diana, his big blue ass needs to hear this," Bruce continued.
He puffed up his chest as he spoke.
"I know the lie you told the rest of the people here," he paused as he got up in my face. "You didn't leave because you needed a break, you left because you were a fucking coward..."
"Enough Bruce!" Diana shouted.
Bruce tossed up his arms.
"I'm trying to save you a bunch of heartache Diana," Bruce replied. "What's to say he won't leave you again for Lois... Lord knows she'll do anything to get in his pants again..."
"I said enough Bruce..."
I lowered my shoulders in shame. I knew Bruce didn't have a good opinion about my relationship with Lois, but this... What else has she done to them... to Diana...
"You're right Bruce," I said softly. "I was a coward, Lois was the easy way out. But I've been suffocating for the last decade..."
Bruce raised his eyebrows.
"You left Lois...." he asked.
I nodded, "With only the clothes on my back."
"Technically you were butt naked," J'onzz's voice came over the com.
I blushed with embarrassment. Diana tried to cover the smile forming on her face.
"What happened?" Bruce asked.
I looked over towards Diana.
"I got tired of not breathing,"