*Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Being the Villain*
The moon hung over the Qin estate like a giant wonton in midnight soup. Normally, this would be prime time for family karaoke or competitive dumpling-eating contests. But tonight? Total lockdown. War drums had turned the clan into a bunch of paranoid hermits hoarding cultivation manuals like toilet paper during a zombie apocalypse.
"Operation Sibling Rivalry: Phase One," whispered 8-year-old mastermind Qin Feng, creeping into his little brother's room like a ninja with commitment issues. Moonlight revealed 6-year-old Qin Hao snuggling a crusty old cauldron like it was a teddy bear, drool forming a tiny pond on his pillow.
"Don't hate me bro," Qin Feng monologued dramatically. "This isn't theft - it's *strategic bone redistribution*! You keep the cauldron's magic hobo, I'll take the shiny skeleton part. Capitalism 101!"
His tiny fingers hovered over the sleeping boy's chest. The System™ in his head chimed like an overeager game show host: [Congratulations! You're about to commit 1st Degree Fratricide! Collect 800K Villain Points and a FREE eyeball upgrade!]
Qin Hao blinked awake. "Feng-ge? Are we... having a midnight snack?"
**THWACK!**
"Surprise acupuncture!" Qin Feng yelled as his hand phased into his brother's torso like a lactose-intolerant kid diving into a cheese fountain. The room lit up like a rave as he yanked out a glowing bone shaped suspiciously like a chicken drumstick.
[New Achievement: World's Worst Babysitter!] the System™ cheered. [Reward: Double-Pupil VisionTM - now with 200% more judgmental staring!]
Qin Hao stared at his suddenly hollow chest cavity. "But... we were supposed to build sandcastles tomorrow..."
"Priorities, kiddo!" Qin Feng twirled the至尊骨 like a glowstick. "You get a cool cauldron ghost, I get cosmic dominance. Fair trade!" He paused, noticing his new eyes made the cauldron reveal a floating Gandalf wannabe inside. "Ooooh, free DLC content!"
As Qin Hao sniffled, the cauldron spirit muttered: "Kid's got X-ray specs and still wants your leftovers? Talk about bad life choices."
---
**Meanwhile, Parental Panic Station:**
In the master bedroom, Lady Yun sobbed into a pillow shaped like a giant bao. "He's just a baby! He still thinks 'tax evasion' is a type of kite!"
Lord Qin patted her back awkwardly. "Our boy's not abandoning us - he's just... opening a franchise villain location! Very entrepreneurial!"
Three dramatic *thuds* echoed from outside. Peeking through blinds, they saw their firstborn kowtowing with the enthusiasm of a Broadway performer.
"Mom! Dad! I'm off to join the circus!" Qin Feng shouted through the door. "Don't wait up!"
Lady Yun wailed louder. "He didn't even take his allergy medicine! What if he meets a peanut warlord?!"
---
**Exit Stage Left - With Flair:**
Dramatic wind machine effects followed Qin Feng to the estate gates. He paused by a suspiciously deformed tree - which through his new eyeballs now resembled Shrek's long-lost cousin.
"Of course," he groaned. "The magic cauldron wasn't enough? Now there's a Ent-Demon hybrid too? This family's security system sucks."
Ancestor Qin's voice boomed from nowhere like a faulty GPS: *"Young rebel, where will you spread your brand of chaos?"*
"To the Moonless Empire!" Qin Feng declared, striking a pose that would make a Power Ranger jealous. "They've got strong military, weak child labor laws, and..." he coughed, "absolutely no interest in their famous Four Beauties who totally don't look like Disney princesses."
[New Quest: Become History's Most Ridiculous Spy!] the System™ chimed. [Bonus Objective: Start a boy band with exiled princes!]
As dawn broke, alarms blared inside: "Code Blue! Code Blue! Little Master's been Frankensteined!"
Qin Feng sprinted into the sunrise, his stolen bone fragment glowing like a radioactive popsicle. Somewhere behind him, the cauldron spirit facepalmed as Qin Hao asked through tears: "Mr. Magic Pot, do you know any chest hole repair spells...?"
---
**Post-Credits Scene:**
The deformed tree suddenly sprouted glowing eyes. A deep voice rumbled: "That kid took the bone but left the good snacks? Amateur." Its branches morphed into a middle finger pointed at the retreating figure.
[To Be Continued...]