I was watching him all day. His every movement, every attitude, every characteristic.
I felt the pressure, he was saving on his head. I can tell myself he will not going to share those things with me before honeymoon, or more just a friendly travel. It is not the life how someone expected. But I wanted to know the things first.
I wanted to ask him one of my million questions on the night. That's why I finished my dinner quickly and came upstairs. Wore my night dress in a rush and laid down on my bed after washing my mouth. I didn't even eat my desert or sacrificed my favourite part of the meal. I lay there, like a child. And waiting for Modric.
Around 15 to 16 minutes later, he came after washing his mouth and wearing his night dress. I was watching his steps to the bed, but he turned on the left side before the bed area. Where was he rushing? I got off and followed him. He came down to the study area and opened one of his laptop bags. I felt cussed at that time. Why did he even have some work at night? I was about to tell him, but I did not. When I saw it, he did not open the bag for a laptop or tab. He took a tiny box from the bag and picked one something out from the box. I leaned my head to look sharply, and I saw some white pills. He swallowed one with water. Then he again put the box in his bag.
He turned back and faced me. I clenched my teeth, still was feeling, I had no right. But I had to stop those. "Seriously, Modric? Do you take sleeping pills?" I asked rudely. His face was a full waste while explaining the reason to me. He couldn't say more than, "I-I, actually, I-" "Do you have any prescription? Do you have any slips?" I asked him even after knowing the answer. He can not tell me, he can not confront me, with the line, he can not sleep at night. I wasn't angry, I just could not believe in my eyes. Why was he becoming mysterious? Did I ask for it?
He opened his mouth to speak as I let him. But he could not say a word. "Do you know it will addict you? DON'T YOU HAVE ANY SENSE OF WHAT YOU'RE DOING?" I shouted when I think this time, he needs it. I took my steps towards him and opened the bag. I picked the shitty box out, faced him, and he was going to speak something. But after my look, he didn't. While going up through the stairs, with the box in my hand, I told him, "I am your husband. I don't care if you can take it or not. It was official when you're signing all those papers. And here it is-" I pointed the box, "-The box of pills. SLEEPING PILLS, started to make you realise what does the signature means. If I don't allow things you can't do, that means it is your responsibility to stay MILLION FEETS AWAY FROM IT. I don't care if you are dying. Just stay away. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" I saw him looking down with guilt, which was acceptable. He nods as soon as my line is finished. Then, I went to the washroom and flushed all those. I don't know how many times I clicked the switch of flashing.
I was controlling my temper after realising he had already taken one. I should have shouted. I always think after I did it. I came down and asked him, softly, "Can you walk or need help?" "I-I can." He said, but I still hold his shoulder. I know how fast it reacts.
He laid down on bed. I can tell it clearly, he did not know that I was here in the bed when he went down. I lay beside him, facing him rudely. "I am sorry, I-" "It's okay. But promise me you will never do it again?" He nods quickly, still looking down. I do not know why I feel something more about all his things. I just felt different when I saw him becoming his version. Not as my wife version. Each time, every step of him made me feel different. Like,
There was something unknown, but not unseen.