"I do."
I straightly went with the sharpness. It was feeling like only he wanted at that moment was that answer.
He did not react with any special answer or anything else. I didn't mind. I took it as normal feedback. I just compare to some seconds-changing reactions. It was sad and painful a few breaths ago, and after, it is now normal without any regrets. I can not measure the amount of his practicing for the changing role. But I counted.
I am not the type of person who will save the questions for later. So, I go asking only one. "Can I ask you something?" Rather than asking the main thing, I add a formality as I already crossed my behaviour limitation at the beginning of the night. "Hm." He responds with a soft tone. I am sure he was taking it as a normal ongoing question. But it was apart from that.
"Why do ask for my trust? Is that essential for anything?" I stopped then after thinking I went correctly. His demeanor was not known to me. Feeling low? Feeling broken? Want to share something? Want me to feel something? Want me to know something? Anything... will be alright. But say something. I was thinking of all those at once.
I kept back when he opened his mouth to speak. "Ac-actually, I-I asked for it cause I will go and tell, tell you some things about me. Abo-about my past. I mean not professional things. It's all personal. This means the situations I, I spent. The time I wasted. Right? Tha-that's all. I mean, just about pasts. Huh!" He muttered hushly. The words did not become suitable with his mouth. I can still feel the unsaid lines he was saving under his throat. I can still measure the unseen pain he was hiding inside his heart. Nobody ever said those things before me. How did he know my experiences when I did not know his?
Fine. I let it go as it will be within the expected time, and he will share those things with me. Still, the corner of my heart wants to know. How will it be if it passes like a sleepless night just because I want to know everything about him? Sounds crazy but not impossible. I can not directly ask him. It has been only a few hours since he has become something to me. Even their was a countable behavior of mine. So, as a result, it will be a misfortune of mine.
"Sleep now. You need rest. It's been a pressure all day." I told him. When he managed himself in a comfortable position and closed his eyes. I again fix the blanket over him. I noticed he dimly opened his eyes but didn't look at me, then closed it. I turned back and switched the lights off but suddenly heard from back, "No, no. Please don't turn the two lights off. Would you mind turning off your side one?" He groans as I get scared a little bit. I turned the lights on again. I moved back and came to my position, "Yeah, I do not know you have a problem. Do you have any fear about new places?" I might not ask it but did. "No. Actually, I always turn the dim lights on. I do not like full darkness." He answered and closed his eyes. While trying to sleep, he again said, "You can turn off if you want." He said. I sacred once again. I thought he slept, but he only was closing his eyes. "No. It is totally okay." I replied.
Then no conversation went. As I was looking at him, not seeing him but thinking about those things, what he was going to tell me. I know, I am thinking extra about those things about what I am going to know one day. But I was somehow in a huge doubt, as I was smelling about the things. I am sure it is not fully personal matters. But I should not extend the matters with my own thinking and predictions. It can be as important as he wanted my trust. So, last of all, I can clearly say that it is like one of those things that nobody would trust. But actually, is there anything left with him that anybody will move themselves off? There are so many confusions left.
He should at least matter that when I listen to him turning on the two lights instead of one, I will believe two x more if he says for only one.