"Is Luka fully ready?"
Heard the unwelcome invoke from his mother from outside of the gate. The makeup artists were packing their makeup kits back on their box quickly, saying a big yes to his mother. He did not look at anyone in this room. He didn't count the number of those persons who were helping him to get ready. Maybe it wasn't help. They were preparing him by themselves. He was only standing there as a staid sculptor. Managing him to breathe for the next few hours. Not only for the next few hours but for the whole life.
Closed his eyes. Instantly, feels the pressure. Feels the pain punishing him, burning his veins through the blood. Can not hold more. He slowly moves his eyes from down and holds it straight, but not at his reflection. He was looking at the makeup artists were getting themselves out, saying a last word, Bless you. He could not watch them clearly as his eyes became full of tears, again. He was holding it and seeing them through the tears. Vagueness, the suitable eyesight for him since he turned himself away. Away from the first and last wish he ever asked for. Hasn't smiled yet. The red lipstick isn't fixing well with his silence, which was loud and clear.
Jerks off instantly, as one drop of water from his engulfed eyes, fell. Some excited shouting from outside has been heard. Heart has started beating faster, gesturing him the phase is knocking on the door. He has no more time to think about the past, to feel the pain he has been feeling for the last few years. It is now becoming an end of the torment. He was wishing for long. His mind has no acceptance, heart has no desire. But feeling the weight he wore today with trillion hesitations. Imagining the moment he is going to walk on. His eyes are closing itself, as he will not able to see him like this. Never.
"Look at me, Luka. Oh my God! You are looking like a princess!" While moving to his mother, he heard those exciting, surprising feedbacks. His mother was fixing his dress with motherly touch and stroking some of his hair. "Yeah, now. Perfect-" she stopped at the middle when she looked at Luka. In a worried tone, she asked, "What happened, darling? Isn't everything well?" Just because she settled everything perfectly, that's why she was confident to ask him in that way. Luka didn't look at her, he moved aside and picked his flower bouquet off the table. "I, I am alright, Ma. Ju-just has more tensions." Luka finally speaks after waking up on this morning. His mother laughed, "Yeah. We all face those. But today is an important day, darling. Try to be normal. He is a nice guy." His mother said the last line in a serious tone. As Luka stopped wearing his shoe, he looked at her. His mother sits on the floor and holds the shoes for him to wear. Luka slides his right leg and puts it on. While putting the left one, "Ma, I know. Your and dad's choice will always be better for me even if it wasn't itself," Luka said, confronting him, "A-and I will be normal as I am, now. Promise." His mother smiles while getting up, again adjusts his dress in her way. Holds his shoulder, looks at him emotionally, "Luka, I know, it is not easy for you to handle all those at once. It is not your life, you wished, we wished for. But I told him everything about your past, about you. Just try to adjust, sweetheart. For your dad, at least. He wanted this day more than any living organism. You know him well." Luka silently says yes, like he was silently facing all those. His mother gives a kiss on his forehead. He didn't even give a fake smile. He holds his eyes down, still feeling the tears torture him to hold back. Still wanting to fall through his red cheeks. Luka creates a barrier today between his heartbeat and his movements. He can not let it break that easily. Although, it is unbearable. Although, it is unchangeable. Although it is difficult, it is cumbersome. He is letting all tear him apart. But he is not falling back. He is not setting back. He will walk on and keep walking. It is his promise to himself.