"I am officially retiring from football," Andy Robertson announced to the room, his voice a mixture of exhaustion and pure, giddy joy as he slumped onto the bench. "My heart cannot take this. I am going to become a librarian. It's a quieter life."
"But did you see the swerve?" Trent Alexander-Arnold said, his eyes wide with a look of almost religious awe as he replayed Leon's winning goal in his head.
"The ball was going to a different postcode! It took a left turn at Albuquerque! That's not physics!"
Mo Salah, who was getting a celebratory post-match massage, just laughed. "It is talent. The boy has talent. And a very, very strange right foot."
The man himself, Leon, was in the middle of it all, a quiet, happy smile on his face, trying his best to look like a normal footballer who had just scored a wonder-goal.
"Well," he began, a slow, wry smile on his face. "That was... eventful."
The room erupted in laughter.
