The halls of the Demon Palace trembled as Malvaria led the charge toward the southern ward, obsidian armor glinting like starlight in motion.
I trailed behind her, panting, robe flapping wildly, my "Royal Groom Tunic" barely hanging on after the wedding night ambush. My heart wasn't just racing from the run—it was sheer dread.
A Hero?
Here?
Now!?
This world had just promoted me from "human loser" to "demon royalty" through the greatest bluff of all time, and now the actual protagonist was crashing my lie-fueled harem honeymoon?
[DING!]
[Emergency Scenario Triggered: Hero Intrusion Detected]
[Hero Title: ??? | Estimated Level: 52]
[Warning: You are Level 7.]
[Suggested Action: Panic.]
A blast of light erupted through the corridor up ahead.
I ducked behind a column as the marble exploded into glittering dust. Malvaria didn't flinch. She raised one hand, forming a hexagonal barrier that ate the divine energy and crackled in defiance.
From within the golden glow stepped a figure in radiant armor, holding a glowing longsword. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. A confident, annoyingly symmetrical face.
"I've come for the Demon Lord's head," he declared, "and to rescue the captive humans!"
Malvaria grinned like a cat. "How quaint."
"Hold up—!" I tried to say, but the Hero's gaze locked on me.
His eyes widened. His mouth dropped.
"…Ren?!"
[ALERT: Identity Conflict Detected]
[Hero recognizes you as: Ren Arclight – Failed Academy Student you were disguised as human for seceret mission for quite long time, Probationary Squire, Coward #3]
[Status: EXPOSED]
Malvaria raised an eyebrow. "You know my husband?"
The Hero blinked. "Your… husband?!"
I laughed awkwardly and tried to duck behind her cape. "H-Hey, long time no see, bro!"
He sheathed his sword slowly.
"Wait… the Ren I knew couldn't fight a goblin. Couldn't even pass a single magic test. You once fainted when a slime burped."
"That slime had fangs, okay?!"
He turned to Malvaria, suspicious. "You really married this guy?"
Malvaria stepped protectively in front of me. "Of course. He defeated seven champions in the Arena of Blood and tamed a Chimera barehanded. Why?"
My jaw dropped.
[DING!]
[Malvaria has added 3 fake accomplishments to your Legend.]
[Hero Suspicion: High | Potential Buffoonery Incoming]
The Hero frowned.
"…He did what now?"
"He didn't tell you?" Malvaria purred. "He's my fierce lover, trusted commander, and second only to the Demon Lord in power."
I choked on air.
The Hero's brain was clearly glitching. "This… this has to be a trick. Ren couldn't even win a game of chess."
"Hey! That goblin cheated!"
He turned to me, gaze narrow. "Did you trick her? What kind of reverse isekai nonsense are you running?!"
I shrugged helplessly. "I'm just vibing, man."
Suddenly—BOOM!
A magical explosion rocked the eastern corridor.
Malvaria snapped to attention. "More intruders. Take care of this fool. I have a palace to defend."
Before I could object, she vanished in a burst of shadows.
Leaving me… alone… with the Hero.
"So," the Hero said, crossing his arms. "What the hell, Ren?"
I held up my hands. "Look, I may have… exaggerated… some things. But technically I haven't hurt anyone, right?"
"You're literally married to the enemy!" he snapped. "You're fraternizing with evil! You probably bathe in human blood now!"
"That was one time and it was an accident! The bathroom runes got reversed!"
[DING!]
[New Sub-Quest: Convince the Hero You're Not Evil]
Methods: Bluff, Bribe, Gaslight, or Befriend
Failure: Exile, Exposure, or Accidental Death by Sword Bro]
He sighed. "You always were a disaster. But this? This is next level."
"Hey, at least I leveled up!"
"You're still Level 7."
I flinched. "Low blow."
He leaned forward. "Why are you really here, Ren?"
I opened my mouth.
Paused.
Then whispered, "Because I thought I was gonna die… and I bluffed. And now I'm somehow married, possibly ruling Hell, and caught in the middle of a war I don't understand."
He stared.
"…Damn. That's actually believable."
Suddenly—CRASH!
A smaller explosion shook the hallway as someone barreled into me from behind.
We both fell into a tangled heap on the floor.
Soft. Curvy. Wings.
I looked up.
"L-Lord Ren! I'm sorry!" cried Lira, the blushing succubus maid.
She was straddling my waist, cleavage spilling out of her maid uniform, cheeks bright red.
[DING!]
[Accidental Harem Event Triggered: Unexpected Lap Incident]
Lira Affection: +10% (Clumsy Physical Bond)]
Current Affection: 20%
She blinked, realizing the situation—and froze.
"…W-Why are you so warm…?"
"I'M PANICKING!!"
The Hero stared. "Ren. Why is there a succubus… on your groin."
Lira flinched and jumped off, covering her chest with a tray. "I-I was bringing towels! For the post-battle sauna!"
"Towels. Of course."
The Hero rubbed his temples. "This is a sex dungeon, isn't it?"
"NO—well—not officially!"
[WARNING: Hero's Patience Level is Low]
[Recommend: Diversion or Comic Relief Immediately]
Suddenly—BANG!
A glowing portal opened behind the Hero.
An elegant woman stepped through: porcelain skin, silver hair in curls, black gloves, and a gown that radiated authority.
Her presence silenced the air itself.
[New Character Detected: Lady Viviana, Archmage of the Seventh Flame]
Role: Hero's Support Mage | Magic Level: 64 | Attitude: Suspicious]
She eyed me coolly.
"So this is the so-called 'Legendary Groom' the demons whisper about."
"Oh great, gossip's gone interdimensional."
She stepped forward, examining me like a specimen. "Low magic. Average spirit. Comically high survival instinct. Fascinating."
The Hero coughed. "Viviana. He's just… being held here. Maybe cursed. Or under succubus control."
"I'm right here, guys!"
Viviana narrowed her eyes. "No… he's pretending. I see no curse. Only chaos."
[WARNING: High-Level NPC Can See Through Bluffs]
[Crisis Mode Engaged: Choose One]
[Fake a Dramatic Breakdown]
[Trigger a Romantic Distraction]
[Scream and Run]
I chose:
"ROMANTIC DISTRACTION!!"
I yanked Lira close and blurted, "BEHOLD! My beloved concubine!"
She squeaked.
Viviana raised an eyebrow.
"You're using a maid as a shield."
"Love is the ultimate shield!" I cried.
[DING!]
[Lira Affection: +15% (Public Confession!?)]
[Current: 35%] | Title Gained: Shameless Strategist]
Viviana rolled her eyes. "Enough. We came for information, not flirtation."
The Hero stepped forward, tone serious now.
"Ren. Listen to me. If you really are caught up in this war… pick a side. Because if you stay here, when the Hero's Army marches in, I won't be able to protect you."
I paused.
"Then what if I do something better?"
He frowned. "Like what?"
"I'll become… the bridge between our worlds."
Everyone stared.
Viviana: "You mean... you'll seduce your way to peace?"
Lira: "Is… that possible?"
Me: "Probably not. But hey, someone's gotta try!"
[Main Quest Updated!]
[New Goal: Harem Diplomacy – Win Affection of Key Demon and Human Factions to Prevent All-Out War]
Rewards: Influence, Alliance System, Sexy Side Missions]
Viviana sighed. "This is madness."
The Hero turned to leave. "We'll be watching, Ren."
As they walked back through the portal, he paused.
"…Good luck, I guess. Try not to get crushed by thighs."
He vanished.
I collapsed to my knees.
Lira leaned over, gently offering me a drink.
"You did good, Lord Ren."
"I almost died of secondhand embarrassment."
She smiled. "And yet… you lived."
[DING!]
[Chapter Complete: Harem +1, Hero Rival Introduced, War Threat Escalated]
Ren's Stats: Level 7 | Bluff Level: 3 | Survived: 3 Fatal Scenarios]
Harem Status: Malvaria (45%), Lira (35%) | Hero Suspicion: 60%]